Insights from the ‘Dad Pool’

I’d like to introduce you to the ‘Dad Pool’. We started out as 4 guys paired up based on where we lived to carpool to a Leadership Denver retreat last September. The first thing we realized that we had in common was that we were all fathers. Over the past 10 months, we have contributed to each other’s growth, while supporting each other during some of the most dynamic times in our history.

In this blog, I want to share some insights and observations from the Dad Pool that I think you can leverage for your own pods.

Build a Foundation of Trust

Like all new relationships, you have to start somewhere. The Dad Pool was no different. We started with small talk over sports, family, fatherhood, day jobs, and the legitimacy of boneless buffalo wings. It provided us insight into each other’s perspective and how our world views were formed. My friend Derrick summarized it for me this week, “If you can’t talk about the little things, you won’t be able to talk about the big things.” (We have been close friends for almost 30 years, growing together from boys going through puberty to becoming middle-aged men… that is so painful to say).

So as our Dad Pool relationships grew through experiences and everyday encouragement, the discussions shifted from the little things to big things. We were able to engage in conversations on race, poverty, policy, and other critical topics during a global pandemic because we had built a foundation of trust with each other. We are in a place that allowed us to see each other, hear each other, and help each other grow.

In a recent discussion on racial realities among 60+ people, I definitely got a bit defensive. I’m not proud of it and I’m also on a growth journey. I felt deflated, misunderstood, and disconnected. However, the Dad Pool was amongst the first ones to extend their hands and help me back on my feet. We had built up enough trust and they know what’s deep in my heart and my intent. We move on together!

Seize any opportunity to Connect

Corey had a major commitment on the first day of the retreat and was going to miss a big portion. I think that most people would have just skipped the retreat altogether (it was 3 hours away). However, Corey had the foresight to know the value of a long road trip in a car with dudes he didn’t know that well. He got up early and jumped in the carpool, only to turnaround and drive back as soon as we unloaded the car and said a few hellos to others. (Props to Ryan to let him take his truck for the day, we definitely didn’t know each other’s driving records yet). We didn’t see Corey again until the end of the night but felt so connected from our ride down earlier in the day. The next day after the retreat, we had another 3 hours to keep building and strengthening our foundation.

I often hear from many people that are longing for deeper connections with others. I believe there are opportunities that arise daily across a number of your pods to connect. Whether it’s at work, among friends and family, or even organized meetups. However, it is so easy to talk yourself out being the one to make the first call, going to an event alone, or jumping in the carpool. There are many opportunities to make a deeper connection with others that we don’t take advantage of. What does it look like to seize your next opportunity to choose connection over the daily grind?

Save my Life

This week was so intense, as the world addresses race inequality and displays another rallying cry for change. To get some fresh air, the Dad Pool arranged a ‘golf’ outing (I put golf in quotes because it was really just an opportunity for us to connect in person… we didn’t even keep score). It was on this walk around the course when Corey looked me in the eyes and said, “save my life”. It’s a moment that I will never forget and the conversation was about the role white people will have in racial equality. It was powerful and meaningful. It was also something that could not have been said if we hadn’t built a foundation of trust and deep connection (see the two insights above).

BELIEVING we can CHANGE THE WORLD

Ryan signs off every one of his e-mails his with “Let’s change the world”. He is not just throwing out an aspiration, he means it. Every conversation we have, whether it is in person, over the phone, or one of his signature video chats, he inspires me to be my best self. His positivity is contagious and he has unbelievable skills in boosting confidence and belief in yourself. He follows through. I’ll get a random link to something that relates to a dream I shared or an invitation to a learning opportunity related to one of my goals. Ryan knows the power of belief and teamwork. As a member of a Superbowl winning team, author of the book Mindset for Mastery, radio host, and public speaker. After a conversation with Ryan, you believe that you can actually change the world.

Dynamic Times Require Dynamic Responses

Throughout the COVID-19 stay at home orders, Jon has been modeling what I will call the 3 A’s. Agility, Adjust, and Adapt. I’ve been watching Jon experience the feelings of both flourishing and frustration under the new ways we found ourselves working. However, Jon constantly tweaks how he is balancing work and life activities and to get the structure that he wants in his day. He doesn’t accept the status quo and he is quick to take action.

I’m not ready to call our experience over the past 3 months the ‘new normal’, but it is very clear that we are going to have to be quicker to adapt to the external environment and figure out how to contribute and be productive (while remaining sane).

Dad jokes, fart jokes, TikToc Videos

We live in heavy times and laughter is so important in keeping us balanced and healthy. The Dad Pool is a constant reminder of Rule #6 from the book, The Art of Possibility. Rule #6 is to not take ourselves so damn seriously. Especially during these times, humor helps us reset and recharge. It helps us feel more connected as we take on the challenging task of changing the world.

So… although this blog is about the insights that I have gained from the Dad Pool in my own personal growth regarding engaging in growth and embracing change. The most valuable lesson is the importance of instilling them in our girls as they grow up. Being a dad is one of the most important roles that I have right now, and I’ll be leaning on the Dad Pool for continued guidance and insights.

P.S. Below is a short video exploring that in order to engage in change, we must establish a foundation of trust. (Insight #1 in this blog)

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