My friend Ryan called me out of the blue the other night. He wanted to share an insight that he had been thinking about since our conversation on my driveway a few days earlier. He had just stopped by to say hello and during our chat, I shared with him that I was in a creative workshop and practicing my writing and storytelling.
Ryan’s been showering me with a ton of encouragement over the past few months. He has been boosting my confidence to explore writing a book and to think about public speaking. I feel like I have my very own personal cheerleader. It’s pretty cool when your cheerleader is a 6′ 5” former Superbowl Champion with the Denver Broncos, best-selling author, national public speaker, Notre Dame Football color analyst, daily radio host, family man, and I could go on and on.
So what was his insight? That asking a question is the most effective way to engage an audience and deepen a connection with others. That our brain reacts much differently when someone asks us a question rather than telling us a story.
As we continued our conversation, it brought me back to a goal I had just set a few days earlier. To be a better listener. (Of course, my wife Katie has been asking for that to be on my goal list for the last 20 years.). But I want to learn how to listen in a way that helps me really ‘see’ others beyond the words they are saying. It’s one thing to ask someone a question, but the opportunity is lost if I’m really not listening to the answer.
Like all good insights, it was timely and a clear answer to a question that I have been pondering lately. Who is making you better?
In addition to Ryan, another person making me better is my life and leadership coach Margie. She turned me onto the book, the Proximity Principle, by Ken Coleman. In his book, Ken describes 5 types of people to help you obtain your dream job (a.k.a. those that make you better).
1. Professors: Teachers with the experience and skills to help you
2. Professionals: Masters with a mentality to be the best they can be
3. Mentors: Trustworthy guides that have done it and care about your success
4. Peers: Intentional connections with shared values, that are driven, and give you straight talk
5. Producers: Provide a network connections, resources, and make stuff happen
I love the framework and it’s a great book. I’m sure right now you can imagine people in your life that you can slot into each of those roles and I’m fortunate that a guy like Ryan can fill in multiple roles. In addition, this perspective also helps you see where you may need to find new people to fill in the gaps.
I also think you can expand on the list a bit if you think about this principle beyond looking for your dream job. What if you explore who is making you better across all of your pods. Not just work, but in your day-to-day life and in your community?
Your boss: I’m fortunate that I work for someone that believes in me. Sometimes more than I believe in myself. Am I listening?
Your friends and family: It’s so easy to think that those closest to you are ‘just saying that’ because they have to. That they tell you what you want to hear. But they have a front-row seat to the thing you call life and their feedback is essential. These are the ones that know your dreams, are by your side when you need it, push you to work harder, and celebrate your wins. Maybe they want you to ask more questions (I sure know our friend Candace does!) Do those closest to you know where you want to get better?
Your kids: Somedays I feel like my 4 and 6-years-olds are providing more insights to me on how to be a better person than I am teaching them. There is nothing like seeing the world through the eyes of a young child. How do we keep this zest for life as we get older?
Your inner monologue: The ‘person’ we talk to the most in our life is ourselves. Is your self-talk making you better?
Every so often, we may need to take stock of who we have in our lives that are making us better and helping us achieve our goals. If you are struggling to identify people in your life that can fill these roles, then now is the time to start seeking them out. If you already know who they are, let them know it and see how it can strengthen your relationship with them.
And of course, we all know there is another follow-up question that we must ask ourselves: Who am I making better?
I’ll be focusing on that one in the days ahead.