May 2019 – Mixing Pods

Did she just say the class of 2032?

That was the question (which I already knew the answer), that I asked my wife Katie at Maggie’s pre-school continuation. Yep, our oldest is heading into kindergarten next year. And then, just as I started getting my head around that, a quick glance down in my lap and the realization that makes Addie the class of 2034!

Holy Moly!

So over the next 13-15 years, Katie and I, (along with many of you reading this blog) will be active in helping shape who these smart, fun, and energetic little ladies are today, into the women they will become.

It’s baffling to think how much they’ll learn between now and the time they graduate. Not just about the world around them, but in who they are deep inside and who they want to be their future.

Class of 2032! Currently wants to be a hair dresser, but is discovering her engineering talents

One thing for sure, the world will be a lot different. When my parents graduated high-school (1957 & 1958), Elvis Presley was at the top of the music charts, the average cost of a new house was $12,220.00, and a gallon of gas was 24 cents.

When Katie and I graduated (1995 & 1996), songs like TLC’s “Waterfalls”, Montell Jordon’s, “This is how we do it”, were topping the charts and the average cost of a new house was $113,150.00 and a gallon of gas was $1.09. (P.S. As many great memories I have from this time in my life, a quick google search will remind you it was just as politically charged as today and filled with many unfortunate and tumultuous world events.)

Future class of 2034. The class clown is so empathetic and caring, I’m sure will find herself in a compassion related career

By the time these girls are getting ready to graduate, they may not need to learn how to drive a car and they may talk to their friends telepathically. Who knows what the college landscape will look like by then? (an area I think it about to get majorly disrupted in the coming years). I hope they are fortunate to form the kind of lifelong friendships that Katie and I were able to during this time as well.

Although so many things in the world will change between now and then, there will be many things that will stay the same. There will still be laughter and joy, conflict and disagreements. There will be a need for leaders to emerge and rally others around important causes. There will be people that care and those that need to be cared for. There will always be a need for connection and the need to love and feel loved.

So I go back to an activity that I did in Daddy Boot Camp 5 years ago (yes, I went to that upon Katie’s strong recommendation). The activity was to write down two words that you want your kids to describe you with when they adults. Mine were engaged and supportive.

So over the next decade and a half, I think that if I stay the course with those two words and are engaged and supportive of the girls, they will be well positioned to celebrate their graduations and ready to explore their next steps based on their own unique and genuine world view.

Preschool continuation for Maggie in 2019! Watch out future, these girls are coming for you!

I guess boundaries are important to be productive

I really wasn’t good at coloring between the lines when I was a kid. I don’t know if it was an artistic skill thing or the ability to sit still long enough to focus on the art. Actually, I think it was a little bit of both.

Our girls provided a visual of my struggles at a diner in Glenwood Springs a couple of months ago. Maggie was focused and committed to coloring on the kid’s menu. However, Addie was too busy to sit still and wanted to stir up a little laughter.

While Maggie focused on the coloring, our mischievous Adeline was not to be tamed by a few crayons and a kids menu

Anyway, I’ve been feeling stretched a bit thin and not as focused lately. I think it is a combination of my commitments across multiple pods, my trouble sitting still, along with my serious FOMO issues.

I hear that setting clear boundaries is a good tool to prevent this from happening. However, you have probably picked up that as a guy that writes about mixing pods, I have challenges with boundaries.

My challenge with boundaries begins with a bit of overcommitment. I was on a project once and the lead said, “you would be surprised what we can get done in two weeks”. He was right, we got a ton done and all it took was 12-14 hour days and weekends. Without boundaries and enough time and resources, anything is possible.

I’m also willing to admit that my tendency to overcommit is self-imposed. I mean, saying no is easy, right?

I’m really good at saying no. Well sort of…

“No problem”
“No worries!”
“No, I got it”
“No, don’t worry about it”
“No, I didn’t do it yet, but I will”

I tend to commit to things with a ‘Ceteris Paribus’ mindset. You may remember this Latin phrase, meaning “all other things being equal” or “other things held constant” or “all else unchanged”. (Well, I actually didn’t remember it either. However, the concept always stuck with me, but I had to look up the Latin and I doubt I pronounce it correctly.)

Anyway, it’s the last definition that gets me in the most trouble because nothing in our life ever stays unchanged. So I’ll commit to something with just the lens of that activity, not factoring in my commitments across other areas, many of which are going to experience change, making them even more of a commitment.

So in writing this blog, I thought that someone must have written about this topic before. A quick google search and yep, lots of discussion on boundaries. (No surprise, a lot of posts on Oprah’s site). I came across this business blog by David Taylor. He actually has some pretty decent tips in his blog focused on productivity. (I couldn’t direct you to an Oprah site, my wife Katie would never stop teasing me).

However, the insight that has surfaced for me, is the need to figure out what the boundaries are before I make the initial commitment. To think through my existing commitments across each of the other pods and what I truly have the capacity to do. Otherwise, I’m just going to continue scrambling to follow through on what I said, “no”, to doing in the first place.

This doesn’t come easy to me. My friend Austin reminds me that I am not a squirrel. (Doing one thing at a time).

“I get by with a little help from my friends”

For the past two weeks, the Beatles song, With A Little Help from My Friends, has been running through my head on repeat.

I think it surfaced while I was planning to celebrate another birthday this past week. (Plus, I’m pretty sure I haven’t watched any episodes of the Wonder Years on Nick at Nite.)

The song comes with great memories. Katie put it on a mixtape for me when she went to Indonesia for the summer in 1998 (yes, a mixtape). I wore the tape out listening to our handful of songs that had their own meaning and inside jokes. This one made it on the list because Katie knew early on how important close friendships were to me.

Anyway, I was super excited to get together with some of my closest friends that definitely provided me more than a little help over the years.

To hold me accountable to my core values
To make me run when I want to walk
To listen, but to call me out when it is just bitching and moaning
To help me dream about the future and ask, ‘why not?’
To reminisce about the past in order to strengthen our connection
To make the world feel smaller and my significance feel bigger
To make memories by thinking big or keeping it small
To keep me from taking myself too seriously
To serve as role models
To provide energy through laughter (at each other’s expense)
To remind me that I’m not a squirrel (a story for another blog)

But I think the most significant insight that has surfaced over the past couple of weeks is not how do I get by with a little help from my friends, but how do I focus on helping others get by, with a little help from me. I think I have room to grow by giving more to others.

I talked this through out loud last week when I was fortunate to be a guest on Candace’s Everyday Joy radio show. She asked, “If you could go back in time and share advice to the 20-year-old Tony, what would I tell myself ?” My response was to be more humble based on the realization over time that life gets more complex as you get older. I don’t know what fantasy land I was living in 1999, but for some reason, I don’t think I realized how much support I was going to need from friends and family over the past 20 years and now going forward.

This birthday served as a great reminder to thank those that help you get by and to think about how you help others along the way in their journey.