Month: November 2019

“You are not a f***ing squirrel!”

That is what one of my best friends told me over 10 years ago when I was in desperate need of perspective. I was overworked, overwhelmed, and felt like a zombie from a lack of sleep and poor self-care. I was so deep in my own head that I didn’t know how to be present. (I think we call it mindfulness today). He provided the right words at the right time that changed how I approach work and life.

I’ve been thinking back on that time a lot lately and since this is the time of year that I reflect on the past and begin setting goals and plans for the next. I sort of take personal planning and goal setting to the next level (as Katie rolls her eyes) and I can’t believe 2020 is here already.

So for some background on the squirrel, it goes all the way back to 2003. The White Stripes released an album called Elephant, which included a song named Little Acorns. The song starts with a narrator speaking over a piano, telling a story about a girl named Janet that was overwhelmed by multiple problems in her life. One day, she saw a squirrel gathering acorns for the winter and it inspired her. If that squirrel can take care of itself for the winter by gathering acorns one at a time, so could she by attacking her problems one at a time. The song then gets jamming with a guitar riff and eventually includes the line “be like the squirrel, girl!”

A few years later, I was on a large post-merger integration project and was traveling every week. I was in a stretch role and I was super stressed. This wasn’t unusual for me, I tended to be quite uptight early in my career as I thought it was my responsibility to get engaged and solve every challenge that surfaced. But during this time, the stress really got to me and it impacted how I showed up in all aspects of my life. My anxiety was through the roof and I was had gotten into a serious funk. I wore it 24/7. Katie was supportive and helped me seek out professional help.

Katie doesn’t always share my taste in music, but she sent me a quick text one day. It read, “be like the…” and then she attached a picture of a squirrel. I thought it was great and I made the squirrel photo my phone wallpaper to keep as a reminder.

Be like the squirrel (or don’t!)

Photo By Cephas – Own work, CC BY-SA 3.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=9645363

A few weeks later, one of my best friends, Austin, took me out to a movie to try and get me to laugh and just be a bit goofy (I think we went to Dukes of Hazard). Austin was dealing with his own stuff and although our problems weren’t the same, he understood the complexity of mental health.

I had taken my phone from my pocket in the lobby to check a text. Austin looked over and asked why I had a squirrel as my wallpaper? I told him the story and we went watch the movie.

Three days later, Austin called me up and said, “Dude, you know that I love Katie, (he has known her since we met in 1997), but you are not a f***ing squirrel!” He paused (for effect to ensure it stuck) and then continued by saying that ever since he had met me (we had known each other since the 5th grade and became very close in high school), that I was never a squirrel. That I always had a lot on my plate and that I needed to have a lot going on. There wasn’t a reason to be like the squirrel, it’s not how I was wired. He was telling me that this wasn’t a time to survive, it was a time to thrive!

His words had an immediate impact and my mind quickly went through a paradigm shift. I remember feeling the tension release in my shoulders and I stopped clenching my jaw. The pressure valve had released.

I began ’embracing the chaos’. I accepted that there were a lot of balls in the air rather than freaking out about which one was going to fall to the ground first. I felt more comfortable navigating ‘everything is a priority’ environments by stepping back by doing my best on what I can control and accepting the rest.

The conversation provided significant insight into a mindset that I have been applying in the years since. It keeps me engaged today as I balance the demands of family, fatherhood, work, and volunteering. There are definitely puts and takes, but I can definitely feel the difference when I am playing offense instead of defense. (I couldn’t resist a sports analogy).

Anyway, I still love jamming out to the song (give it a listen here). Sure it helps me keep perspective, but mainly because it brings back the memories of a caring wife and a best friend.

Willy Wonka and Insights Way Beyond the Chocolate

So we have been watching a lot of Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory in our house this year (The 1971 Gene Wilder Version). I didn’t think the old movie would hold the attention of a 2 and 4-year-old girls, but they loved it.

There are so many narratives in the story that are just as true today as they were over 50 years ago when Roald Dahl wrote Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

When I initially thought about writing this post, I was thinking about highlighting Willy Wonka’s true passion, innovation, and charisma. Asking you what would it look like if you could create and run your own dream world? How would you operate without the influence, rules, and norms that we put on ourselves?

I thought that it would be fun to highlight Willy Wonka’s cynicism and how he designed a process to slowly eliminate potential heirs to his chocolate factory by exposing how their misguided behaviors. The same behaviors that parents struggle with today, such as obesity, too much TV, spoiling with our kids with material items. (Of course, the Oompa Loompas are very clear in their songs that you can blame the “MOTHER & THE FATHER”.) The whole thing was designed to find a kid with a heart as pure as chocolate.

I wanted to write from the perspective of literally putting on Willy Wonka’s hat and exploring his world view.

Addie wanted to be Veruca Salt for Halloween because she has the singing parts in the movie. However, I was encouraged the other day when she had second thoughts because Veruca was mean.

But then yesterday, I spent the whole day with my Leadership Denver cohort diving deep into the poverty being experienced in our city today. It is clear that just like 50 years ago, we have kids like Charlie Bucket trying to live on cabbage water.

And just like Charlie, these kids have dreams (and so do their parents). They are searching for their Golden Tickets. But just like in the movie, it feels like there are so many more kids than tickets.

I also learned that going in and out of poverty in the United States is an ongoing journey that many people face throughout their lifetime. That drug addiction, sudden loss of income, and major health issues can quickly take someone (anyone) into poverty. We like to talk about it happening to ‘them’, but it is really an issue of ‘us’.

I have classmates that probably think that I still don’t get it. That in a way, I am still one of those spoiled kids that don’t know what it is like to be Charlie (or a non-white version of Charlie). Well, they are probably right! I’ve been thinking all week about how grateful I am for my grandparents and parents navigating their mobility from poverty into the middle class and beyond. That through hard work and opportunity, that they found their version of Golden Tickets.

So honestly, it feels like I may have a few more questions than insights:

  • What Golden Tickets do I have to offer?
  • What am I going to do to move the needle for more kids like Charlie?
  • How do I raise girls pure in heart and not act like Veruca Salt or Mike TV?
  • What does my ideal factory look like?
  • What do I want my legacy to be?

The movie ends with Charlie, Grandpa Joe, and Willy Wonka soaring above Nördlingen Germany in the Wonka-Vader (I believe in the book it is the Great Glass Elevator). We don’t know what Charlie did with Chocolate Factory after he inherited it. We don’t know if he took this great gift and made it something even better.

But I definitely have something churning like chocolate in my brain and in my heart. Right now, it feels like I’m on an expedition to discover purpose by building upon the great opportunities that I have been provided and the relationships that I have built. To find a way to make a bigger contribution and to have a greater impact.