Exploring our Hierarchy of Needs through COVID-19

I think it is safe to say that across the world, COVID-19 gave us all a first-hand look at this theory that we read about in Psychology 101 as many of us found ourselves reassessing our needs and priorities. Understanding this theory may provide you the insights that you need to understand yourself, how to connect with others, and how to approach engaging in your community going forward.

Maslow’s hierarchy of needs is a theory in psychology proposed by Abraham Maslow in his 1943 paper “A Theory of Human Motivation”. 

I have found myself going up and down every level of the pyramid in the past 8 weeks

Prior to this pandemic, I was in a really good place, feeling my mojo, and spending a lot of time at the top of the pyramid. Grateful that my basic and psychological needs were met while living a life of first world problems. Only a few months earlier, I was writing blogs about achieving goals and making 2020 a great year.

Whacked right down to the bottom of the pyramid!

It was like a punch in the gut. When the Covid-19 threat began to really materialize early on, I tapped into my primal instincts and scrambling to ensure the basics were covered like food, water, shelter, (and toilet paper). As we were trying to understand what the schools were going to do, understand the decisions for our workplaces, and say goodbye to our favorite venues.

It reminded me of a Tool song called Aenima (a.k.a. Swim), which is about Armageddon. There are lots of F-bombs that I can’t include here, but there
is a verse:

Some say a comet will fall from the sky
Followed by meteor showers and tidal waves
Followed by fault lines that cannot sit still
Followed by millions of dumbfounded dipshits

I mean, didn’t we all feel like dumbfounded dipshits?

Once we determined that our basics needs were met and we realized that this wasn’t going to last ‘a couple of weeks’. The reality really hit that there are so many families that don’t have the luxury of getting their basic needs met.

I will never forget a conversation with Katie as she headed home from her ‘last day’ of school. It started with a list of what else she could get at the store as she headed home. She got very quiet and started crying. She then said, “I’m just so worried about my families.” She works in Title 1 schools, with kids (and families) that rely on free and reduced lunch. She sees their struggles during ‘normal’ times and was fearful of what lies ahead for them. Enlighted again, the consequences of this pandemic won’t be fair or equitable.

Time to Rise Up the Pyramid

Now that our basic needs were met, we shifted gears and mobilized our resources (people, money, and time). Katie, her fellow colleagues, and her family didn’t waste any time creating a plan to help those families in need.

In addition, my Leadership Denver 2020 cohort began to look like a militia of leaders called to action. Hundreds of messages a day to share information on where help was needed in the community, providing resources, and taking action to begin filling holes. I got a first-hand look at how the foundations that are created through great wealth are some of the first ones to mobilize targeted relief efforts alongside civic leaders. I saw non-profit leaders doing whatever it took to continue serving their constituents. I learned that leaders, leading leaders, is a powerful force.

While feeling so fortunate and grateful for my own situation, the reality of the impact this was having on others was getting daunting. I kept falling back to the words that one of my classmates provided earlier in the year:

“You should never apologize for the cards that you were dealt, you just have to do something with them“

  Dawanta Parks, LD2020

So in reflecting back, the engagement to help the community is how my psychological and self-fulfillment needs where getting met. This is how I was working up and down the pyramid, by being a contribution.

Moving Forward

So as we forge ahead in this new ecosystem, I also think that we can leverage Maslow’s Hierarchy of needs for insights.

One approach is to move from inside-out. Start with yourself, then focus on how you will connect with others, and then how to engage in the community.

Start with yourself

It might be a good time to reflect and have an honest conversation with yourself on your own set of needs. Not just the basic needs, those ones are easy! But what exploring your needs in all of the levels of the pyramid.

When you look at your belongingness, esteem, and self-actualization needs:

  • What needs have changed?
  • What needs do you want to change?
  • Do you need to reprioritize things?
  • Did you discover new behaviors that are positive?
  • Did you identify behaviors that destructive?

Is this an opportunity to explore the path to self-actualization through a new lens?

Connecting with Others

As we transition from ‘Stay-at-Home’ to ‘Safer-at-Home’, Maslow’s hierarchy can be a helpful tool in engaging others. In addition to understanding your own needs, you can seek an understanding of where others are with theirs. This provides great insights into their fears, perspective, and intentions.

While many of us have discovered that our psychological needs like connection now require more attention, there are others that are still focused on fulfilling their basic needs like safety. This can be very tricky if you have moved into a different level of the hierarchy and others have not.

For example, my sister and I struggle with crossing the levels of needs when it comes to engaging with my 80-year-old parents as they get ready to downsize from a house that they have lived in for almost 50 years next month. How do you provide the connection, empathy, and emotional support needed during a time of physical distancing, let alone when it requires moving someone physically?

When you take a step back look at where others are on the pyramid and what needs are being met, it helps see where their point of view is coming from.

Engaging within our Community

This pandemic came during a time that it really feels like we love to point the finger, leave anonymous comments, and somehow politicize everything. We spend hours reacting to social media posts that literally took less than 30 seconds to write. (Ok… I’m going to stop here, that is a topic among itself). We will want black and white decisions and answers during an unprecedented time full of gray areas and unknowns.

We will have to balance our own risk equations as we address our needs. We will have to navigate differing opinions with our family members, friends, co-workers, neighbors, and those random people on the street on how to go about our daily lives. Our own needs are different from others at different times.

The good news is that we are resilient. We have the ability to learn (some faster than others) and adapt. We are surrounded by incredible people that will do whatever it takes to help others meet their needs. We will innovate and explore new models that meet the psychological and self-fulfillment needs.

So wherever you are in the hierarchy, there is no right or wrong answer. You might feel stuck at the bottom or found yourself on top. You may be all over the place! I just hope this gives you some perspective and maybe a tool to leverage going forward.

Stay safe!

Maybe you need some heavy metal during these heavy times

So the last few weeks have been very heavy as the whole world reacts to COVID-19. This virus impacts everyone worldwide and it really feels like we still don’t know the long-term consequences. Lives are being changed on a daily basis.

It’s been weighing on a lot of us and for me, it sort of sucked out a lot of energy while scrambling throughout the day to adjust to home quarantines, school cancellations, worrying about family members, and spending way too much time up at night watching the various newscasts.

However, I received some insight during a virtual happy hour yesterday with our Leadership Denver coaching group led by Margie Thirlby. We explored resilience and through an exercise, I discovered that my creativity trait has really been running on empty.

As I continued to reflect last night, I began to feel that it isn’t just creativity that is missing. I’ve stopped working out, I’m not as present as a husband and father that I want to be, and I’ve engaged less with my pods. I’ve been a bit frazzled and dreading the impact this is having on so many people.

So when I woke up early this morning wanting to change my attitude and to get some of that creativity flowing again. I turned on some tunes and started writing this blog. In some circles, I could be considered a Boy Scout and get labeled as a prude (probably deservedly so), but I do love myself some good hard rock music. Most of my tunes are generational and old school, like Metallica, Rage Against the Machine, and artists that were on KBPI in the late ’90s.

I suppose various types of music would work, but here are the reasons why I like to rock out a bit to the heavier stuff.

  • It gets me moving: Beats and riffs that you can’t just sit still and listen to in a chair. I’m usually inspired to go workout, start tackling big projects, get organized or even clean the house (one reason why Katie lets me jam out sometimes).
  • It focuses me on the future: For me, my mind always goes to my future-self rather than dwelling on the past when I jam out to the hard stuff. I think more strategically and begin envisioning what could be. I think this started when I use to run back in high school to make weight for wrestling.
  • It’s rooted in themes of resilience: Although I don’t understand most of the words in the music, I get a sense of resilience and mental toughness through it. For me, it’s usually not the lyrics, but the instrumentals that give me energy.
  • It releases tension: This may seem counter-intuitive, but I think it is a channel to let out my anxiety, anger, and other emotions.

My go-to band during times when I want to manufacture momentum is the band Tool. I was a bit curious about why this morning and I made some interesting observations. I correlated the Tool album release dates with what was going on in my life during that time.

  • Undertow (1993): I was going through puberty. Enough said.
  • Ænima (1996): I was a freshman in college and figuring out the man that I wanted to be. I was active 18-20 hours a day and didn’t sleep much. Heavy Metal helped.
  • Lateralus (2001): This was the time of the dot-com bubble bursting and my first taste of a recession while in the workforce. It was my first experience with friends losing their jobs and dealing with uncertainty. Ohh and then there was 9/11.
  • 10,000 Days (2006): An album that I listened to a ton while working on major projects to stay busy throughout the Financial Crisis of 2007-2008 and beyond. It was a time in my life when I struggled to find resiliency and was initiating the transition from being work-centered to a desire to be more family-centered. It wasn’t until today, that I discovered the album title is referring to roughly the period of time it takes Saturn to orbit around the sun. Tool’s lead singer said this about the origin of the album title:

“That’s the time in your 28th, 29th year when you have presented the opportunity to transform from whatever your hang-ups were before to let the light of knowledge and experience lighten your load, so to speak, and let go of old patterns and embrace a new life,”

Maynard James Keenan ( Source)

I was 29 in 2006. I was definitely enlighted in the years following and going through a transition that definitely didn’t happen overnight. However, the best thing that came out of that period for me has been the insight to see when others are going through it, remembering the way I felt, and offering ways to help.

  • Fear Inoculum (2019): After a long hiatus tool released this album, (about the same amount of time we had a bull market and thriving economy). Not until today, did I know that the definition of inoculum is a substance introduced into the body to create or increase the body’s resistance or immunity to a disease. Prophetic or not, that is about a freaky as Disney quarantining Rapunzel to a tower in the movie ‘Tangled’, set in the Kingdom of Corona.

So if you see a Half-Italian / Half-Lebanese guy running through the neighborhood with headphones on. It’s just me getting some heavy metal in my day to get through these heavy times.

Also, if you need someone to jam out with, let me know and we’ll get through this together. The girls will always be willing to put on a show.

The girls are also discovering the joy of a good jam!