#mixingpods – Page 3

The true power in unplugging!

We took a family vacation in the Colorado mountains earlier this month and I came back truly refreshed with a renewed energy and focus.

And with that introduction, you may be thinking “No duh! That’s the whole point, where have you been? And how is this insightful?”

Well, it’s kind of sad, but I really struggle with totally unplugging mentally from everything going on professionally while on vacation. I’m pretty terrible about taking a day off and based upon what I see and hear from others, I don’t think that I’m alone.

For some of us, it may be FOMO (fear of missing out), a deep-rooted need for accomplishment, or that we just enjoy the work we do. For me, it’s probably a bit of all three and may have started when I got all those perfect attendance awards in elementary school. (I really loved going to school.)

Anyway, I’ve been reflecting back on how I felt during the week that I unplugged here are my top 3 insights:

1) Get in the pool

One of the best places to be present is in a pool. (Especially with kids, and even more so if they can’t touch the bottom of the pool and still learning to swim). There is no ‘halfway’ paying attention. Chances are they are having a blast and so are you. The ‘here and now’ presence in the pool is powerful and provides a refuge from our busy days. The water forms a natural boundary and there is no quick glance at the phone for the latest notification or some other distraction.

Side note: Unfortunately, I’ve noticed that there aren’t enough parents getting in the pool. I have kind of been amazed at how many parents sit and watch me entertain their kids.

Anyway, it’s not just a place those of us with young kids. The water can be energizing and the buoyancy may be just what your overworked body needs. No matter how old you are, getting in the pool and swimming (or maybe just bobbing) may be exactly what you need to get refocused and refreshed.

2) More balance, less integration

I wrote about discovering boundaries a couple of months back. But the insight here is specifically focused during a time that you are supposed to be unplugged. We continue to embrace the shift from a work-life balance mindset to one of work-life integration now that we are connected 24/7. We can take calls, do tasks quickly on our smartphones, and then jump back right back into our personal time.

However, I’m starting to feel the work-life integration concept is a one-way street. There isn’t a lot of life integrating with work, but a whole lot of work integrating with life. Have you ever gone on a trip or even played a simple round of golf with someone that has one foot in the work door? It can be pretty annoying and they are usually the only one that feels it is going just fine.

Those of you that travel every week probably love having WiFi on the plane these days, but are you reading fewer books? It seems like we are so focused at the airport searching for an outlet in order to have the privilege to sprawl out on the floor and charge our devices. Rather, think about the freedom in just reflecting on the trip, the people, the sites, the food, and the cultural experiences.

3) Let the Priorities Surface

The best part of prolonged downtime is that the important things tend to take shape and the real priorities begin to surface. Getting out of the grind and breaking daily routines, allows us to tap into aspirations, dreams, and other realities that we pushed to the back of our minds.

We need to allow time for our thoughts to breathe and that can’t happen if you get tied up in some email or spend 20 minutes doing a task that you honestly thought could be done in 2 minutes. (and then do it again and again).

Giving yourself that important space allows you to discover the top 20% of the things you should care about that give you the most joy, fulfillment, purpose, <insert your favorite adjective (or adverb) here>.

It also reminds me of the questions that a buddy of mine used to ask me when I was overworked and overwhelmed when we were supposed to be having fun. “What are you going to remember a year from now? This experience or that one work task you got done?”

Side note: Be careful with this question, it can be used to justify many actions. Another side note: You never remember the work task a year later.

So, the summer isn’t over yet. I hope you can find some time to totally unplug before the busy fall season is upon us with back-to-school activities, fantasy football, and shorter days.

Hanging out with the family at the top of Vail Mountain. Unplugged and happy!

Mixing pods for a cause!

During the last weekend in June, I joined my company’s team (The Perficient Peddlers) to participate in the Bike MS Colorado event to fundraise for those impacted by Multiple Sclerosis.

While cycling across the roads of northern Colorado for over 150 miles, so many things came to mind. In this blog, I thought I would share some of the insights that I’ve been reflecting on since the ride, while also sharing a bit about the event and MS. (Consider it a personal PSA – Public Service Announcement)

Here is some background information from the MS Society and Bike MS websites.

Multiple sclerosis (MS) is an unpredictable, often disabling disease of the central nervous system that disrupts the flow of information within the brain, and between the brain and body. (Here is a quick video on What is MS – National MS Society)
Bike MS is the largest fundraising bike series in the world. Each year, nearly 75,000 cyclists and more than 6,000 teams ride together to change the world for people with MS.
Bike MS is the fundraising cycling series of the National MS Society and raises more money than any other cycling event for any other cause. To date, Bike MS cyclists, volunteers, and donors have raised more than $1.3 billion to stop MS in its tracks, restore what’s been lost, and end MS forever.

I learned on the ride that the Colorado event is currently the third largest Bike MS event and it happens to start and finish a block from my neighborhood.

For years, I would watch the teams mobilize and gather early on Saturday morning. Energy and excitement run high as the music plays, team names are announced, and they head out on the road and make the trek up to Fort Collins.

Then on Sunday afternoon, the riders come in for the finish. It’s usually a warm afternoon in June and the final incline of the ride is at the corner of our neighborhood. I would get a first-hand look at the grit, tenacity, and varying level of experience (and conditioning) of the riders. Some are smiling, others are not. They are just minutes from the end of their 150+ mile ride.

One of my coworkers coming in for the finish

So it has been on my bucket list to participate in the event and I decided this was the year to join the ride. I am so glad that I did and when I look back on the experience, there are a few insights that come to mind.

It’s supposed to be challenging: These events are built to challenge your mind and body so that you can have an appreciation for those that struggle with diseases like this. My father is dealing with Parkinson’s disease, another progressive nervous system disorder that affects movement and has changed his lifestyle in the past few years. These diseases don’t just impact a person physically, but it impacts the mind and takes a toll on their confidence and overall worldview.

It’s not that hard to unify around the right causes: Diseases like this don’t target political affiliations, corporations, or any other category we tend to put ourselves in. MS impacts people across ages, genders, and ethnicities. This came to mind while riding amongst a diverse group of people wearing all sorts of jerseys representing different companies and organized groups. There were oil and gas companies like Anadarko and Noble Energy peddling next to NREL (National Renewable Energy Laboratory). I also noticed Johns Mansville, Ball Corporation, Left Hand Brewery, Charles Schwab, and Anthem Blue Cross and Blue Shield. It seemed like I was always behind someone that was part of Patty’s Pack, Meatfight.com, or Crank for a Cure. No matter what brands we represented on our backs, there was no doubt about what we were all riding for.

Don’t forget the supporting cast: When you think about events like this, you picture the thousands of cyclists and active participants. However, this was a well-supported ride with volunteers providing food and beverages along the course to ensure us non-elite athletes could make it through. There were volunteers directing traffic, fixing flats, and providing bicycle maintenance at the stops and on the course. Sponsors giving away free goods and it was a well run and organized event and the support was amazing. Those struggling with diseases like this also rely greatly on their supporting cast. The disease impacts the lives of everyone around them.

Mixing pods raises the most money: I was cycling next to co-workers, friends, and strangers. When I made my request for fundraising support, I tapped into each of my pods and that helped me meet the fundraising goal. It wasn’t just a work thing or a personal thing. We are all a part of multiple pods, so don’t be afraid to mix them to get the maximum value in whatever you are doing.

Spend the money on high-quality bike shorts: Fortunately, I learned this lesson before this event. There are some things that it’s ok to go with a cheap alternative. However, bike shorts is not one of them.

Gratitude and Attitude: Most of all, I’m grateful for the ability and capability to participate in events like this. There are a lot of people suffering in this world and just the ability to put on a bike helmet (and those shorts I just mentioned above) is something to be grateful. Something so simple like riding a bike can influence my attitude and perspective on how lucky many of us are. It was a reminder not to take anything for granted.

I’m looking forward to a few more events this summer to support other causes including, Run the Rocks to support the American Lung Association and the Denver Broncos 7K to support the National Sports Center for the Disabled.

Maybe I’ll see you there, or somewhere.

Heading South on Sunday morning across colorful Colorado amongst some people that I don’t know to raise money for the MS Society.

18 lessons from 18 years of marriage

Katie and I celebrated our 18th wedding anniversary last weekend and have been together for over 22 years. She’s awesome.

Our wedding day was a memorable one, especially for our Denver sports family, as the Colorado Avalanche won game 7 of the Stanley Cup Final about 300 yards away from the reception.

Earlier this week, a coworker asked if I had any insights or secrets to a long marriage. Well, since I mix pods, I rattled a few of the first things that came to mind.

So after having some more time to think about it, I thought I would share 18 lessons that I think have played a role in our marriage.

Disclaimer: I didn’t collaborate with Katie before posting this, so she’ll either be pleasantly surprised by my spontaneity, or I may have to append a lesson #19, check with your wife before posting 18 lessons from your marriage on the internet!

18 lessons that I learned from 18 years of marriage

Have things you do together, have things you do on your own
There are different stages of life you’ll go through together, embrace it
Don’t go to bed mad (this is one of Katie’s rules)
Embrace the in-laws (I married a whole family (and extended family))
Never take her perfect last bite (also known as the Katie bite)
Things work out better when you set expectations
Show gratitude
Balancing roles of mom, spouse, friend, career, daughter isn’t easy
Don’t always say the first thing that pops in your mind 🙂
Have mutual friends, have your own friends
Celebrate wins
Deliberately grow together
Buy an ear and nose hair trimmer
Go all in to support whatever it is she is passionate about
Work hard at staying engaged and being a good dad
Have a sense of humor and be able to laugh at yourself
Share your goals and dreams with each other
Go for long walks

But the key insight that I want you to take away from this blog is not the 18 things that I listed above, but to think about your own 1,2, 18, or 50 things that you learned from the relationship with your partner.

We were able to catch an Avalanche playoff game this year at the Pepsi Center. The last time they won the Cup was the evening that we tied the knot.

Did she just say the class of 2032?

That was the question (which I already knew the answer), that I asked my wife Katie at Maggie’s pre-school continuation. Yep, our oldest is heading into kindergarten next year. And then, just as I started getting my head around that, a quick glance down in my lap and the realization that makes Addie the class of 2034!

Holy Moly!

So over the next 13-15 years, Katie and I, (along with many of you reading this blog) will be active in helping shape who these smart, fun, and energetic little ladies are today, into the women they will become.

It’s baffling to think how much they’ll learn between now and the time they graduate. Not just about the world around them, but in who they are deep inside and who they want to be their future.

Class of 2032! Currently wants to be a hair dresser, but is discovering her engineering talents

One thing for sure, the world will be a lot different. When my parents graduated high-school (1957 & 1958), Elvis Presley was at the top of the music charts, the average cost of a new house was $12,220.00, and a gallon of gas was 24 cents.

When Katie and I graduated (1995 & 1996), songs like TLC’s “Waterfalls”, Montell Jordon’s, “This is how we do it”, were topping the charts and the average cost of a new house was $113,150.00 and a gallon of gas was $1.09. (P.S. As many great memories I have from this time in my life, a quick google search will remind you it was just as politically charged as today and filled with many unfortunate and tumultuous world events.)

Future class of 2034. The class clown is so empathetic and caring, I’m sure will find herself in a compassion related career

By the time these girls are getting ready to graduate, they may not need to learn how to drive a car and they may talk to their friends telepathically. Who knows what the college landscape will look like by then? (an area I think it about to get majorly disrupted in the coming years). I hope they are fortunate to form the kind of lifelong friendships that Katie and I were able to during this time as well.

Although so many things in the world will change between now and then, there will be many things that will stay the same. There will still be laughter and joy, conflict and disagreements. There will be a need for leaders to emerge and rally others around important causes. There will be people that care and those that need to be cared for. There will always be a need for connection and the need to love and feel loved.

So I go back to an activity that I did in Daddy Boot Camp 5 years ago (yes, I went to that upon Katie’s strong recommendation). The activity was to write down two words that you want your kids to describe you with when they adults. Mine were engaged and supportive.

So over the next decade and a half, I think that if I stay the course with those two words and are engaged and supportive of the girls, they will be well positioned to celebrate their graduations and ready to explore their next steps based on their own unique and genuine world view.