August 2019 – Mixing Pods

Dude… am I a complainer?

I was driving down I-25 jamming out to Alt Nation on Sirus XM and the song Complainer, by Cold War Kids came on the radio. I’ve heard it a few times already and enjoy the tune, but this time I let the lyrics sink in a bit.

You say you want to change this world
Well, do you really believe in magic?
But you can only change yourself
Don’t sit around and complain about it
Now you’re out on your own, don’t know where you belong
Don’t sit around and complain about it
You say you want to change this world
Don’t sit around and complain about it
Cold War Kids, Complainer

A number of thoughts entered my mind. Initially on our macro society (It really feels like we have taken complaining to a new level over the past couple of years… It’s so noisy.) But most of all, I started reflecting on some very personal moments. I began asking myself, am I a complainer?

I’ve always thought of myself as a ‘just do it’ person. I have a lot of pride, strive for personal accountability, and try to rally people around me by being positive. But, I can also complain like the best out there, even when I have the best intentions. Lately, I have been much more aware of catching myself complaining (at home and at work) and trying to shift that energy into action.

Complaining is probably one of the most common ways that most of us mix pods. Especially when it comes to complaining about work at home. It is also the most unproductive time we spend in our day. Think about all the time we would get back in our lives if we were not complaining about work (and the amount of time we would save our families because frankly, they aren’t really that interested in our complaints anyway).

So here are 3 insights that I’ve been thinking about lately whenever the song gets in my head. I thought that I would share them to see if it helps us all complain a little less so that we can get on with changing the world.

Identify the PERSONAL source of the complaints

When I find myself complaining, it’s usually because there is something personal at the root of it. Almost every time.

Do I want to improve something?
Do I want to be heard?
Do I want to be included? (maybe I’m feeling left out?)
Do I genuinely want to see change?
Do I want to feel empowered?
Do I want to be inspired?
Do I know the WIFM (What’s in it for me)?
Am I competitive and want to win?
Am I not part of the decision-making process?
Am I taking myself way too seriously?

For so long I’ve struggled with telling myself that it is not personal, it’s just business. Well, then why am I so passionate about things? Why are some of these things so hard to let go? Phil Knight summed it up well in his memoir, Shoe Dog.

“It’s never just business. It never will be. If it ever does become just business, that will mean that business is very bad.”
Phil Knight, Shoe Dog

Once I’m able to identify why something has become so personal, I’m able to shift the mindset from complaining to objectively problem-solving. I start seeing the big picture.

Have empathy, but don’t forget the context

A few years back, my Gallup Strengths Finder had empathy as my #1 strength. I think it was during a time when I was flexing my empathy muscle a lot, but maybe too hard. I was starting to take on every gripe that others had as my own and carried it up to the chain of command. I was trying to model the Tom Hanks character, Captain Miller in the scene in Saving Private Ryan. “That gripes go up, not down”.

I have now learned that you need to be selective about which gripes you are going to take up, and how often. There was a phase in my career when I was trying to influence a change in the organization by just saying things louder and on repeat. I then received some very direct feedback, that “I always tend to frame things in the negative.” Well poop, that wasn’t how I intended to show up. All the behind the scenes cheerleading I did with the team wasn’t recognized by my boss because to him, all I did was bring complaints.

I also didn’t balance all that empathy with everyone involved, including those that I was trying to influence. I didn’t get in tune with the context of the environment or take into consideration the thousands of inputs taking place outside of my perspective.

It’s easy to forget to have empathy for the people that we are trying to influence and change. Whether it’s a boss, a spouse, a co-worker, aging parents, a friend, or sibling. Sometimes we forget to step into their shoes, to understand their goals, risks, and most importantly, their fears. They deserve our empathy as well.

You don’t have to win the conversation, just be clear on what we are solving for

We focus a lot on who is wrong and who is right. But we spend most of our time justifying our actions in order to make ourselves feel better. We want to have the last word to make sure the conversation ends on our terms.

Ohh and by the way, nothing is ever black and white. Big issues are complex, they have a lot at stake, and a ton of considerations. We get so wrapped up in trying to sell our side of the story that we lose sight of basic problem statements. What are we solving for?

If we gave our mind and our mouth a few moments to breath, we would see that we are so busy trying to be right that we are missing an opportunity to listen and get more information. A moment to refocus on the problem that we are trying to solve.

Anyway, I’m sure a few more insights will surface on this one and I hope to catch myself when I get into complainer mode and think about what’s truly behind it. Then shift into a positive and productive mindset to get busy on the steps that make progress on solving the problem.

I’m not totally sure how I can or will change the world, but I do know that I just don’t want to sit around and complain about it!

Addie didn’t know how to articulate it, but she definitely was complaining inside having to pose for this picture.

Celebrating 80 years, gaining insights for the next 40

This past July, we celebrated my dad’s 80th birthday. My mom and siblings organized a big party in the backyard of the home my parents have lived in for almost 50 years. It was great to see such a great turnout of family and friends from across the country and down the street. I got to see folks from all my dad’s pods over the years.

It’s also hard to believe that he has already reached this milestone (and comes with the realization that I’m 42). Our daughter Addie won’t be 3 until this September, so there is nearly a 78-year gap in the birth years across our 3 generations.

The ability to do selfie’s changed in the last 80 years, but the birthday hat is timeless.

It totally blows my mind to think about the amount of change that has occurred during the past 80 years of my father’s lifetime. I have always been fascinated by it, so I thought that I would plot some things out to share some perspective.

Pre-K (Ken)

In the 60 or so years before my dad was born, we had some of the worlds greatest inventions and difficult times. Seriously, only 60 years!

1876 – The telephone (not the one in your pocket)
1878 – The lightbulb
1886 – The automobile
1929 – 1939 – The Great Depression

Over the past 80 years (POST-k)

My dad grew up in the post-WWII era, which saw the country come out of the depression and change the way we live and work.

1939 – The start of WWII
1940 – FM Radio
1950s – TV goes mainstream
1954 – The 4-minute mile
1954 – The Microwave oven
1955-1975 – Vietnam War
1958 – The commercial jet
1961 – First man in space
1962 – Child car seats are introduced
1970 – Introduction of Monday Night Football
1973 – The first cell phone
1974 – The first Rush album
1974 – The barcode
1975 – The concept of global warming is introduced

Then there is the stuff since I was born

1977 – The personal computer
1978 – The Mountain Bike
1979 – The Sony Walkman
1981 – MTV airs
1984 – Van Halen’s 1984 album
1989 – The Worldwide Web
1989 – Nintendo
1991 – End of the Cold War
1998 – International Space Station
2001 – Katie & Tony tied the knot (and Colorado Avalanche won the cup)
2001 – 9/11
2002 – The Bachelor
2004 – Facebook
2005 – Commercialization of GPS
2005 – Amazon Prime
2007 – iPhone launch
2014 – Alexa
2014 – Our Daughter Maggie
2016 – Our Daughter Addie
2018 – Mixing Pods Blog is launched (thanks for reading!)

The insights for the next 40 years.

There is a lot to reflect on after an event like this, some things very personal. But I did want to share some of the insights that I have been pondering.

The only thing constant is change. Apparently, this quote comes from the Greek philosopher Heraclitus of Ephesus, who lived from (535 BC – 475 BC). He must have been a pretty smart dude because he sure did nail it. The pace of technology and change can be scary these days and will only get faster. But look up above, I sure there was fear and angst about using a microwave in your house in 1954 and they thought no one would ever break the 4-minute mile. Music genres have changed, allies and enemies have changed, and the way we view the post-industrial world has changed.

Somethings are timeless. Spending quality time with your family, walking your dog, going for a run (or walk), listening to music. These things will always be available to keep us grounded. Speaking of being grounded, drinking coffee has been around since at least the 16th century. Some of us practice yoga, which has been a thing since 3000 B.C. So in the midst of all this change, make sure to keep some of the timeless classics in your life.

Life is short! and long! It is amazing how fast the days, months, and years seem to go. It’s a daily realization in our house with the kids growing up so fast. But then when you look at a timeline like the one above, you realize how much has happened in your life since the 2nd grade when you were on the swings at the playground, singing Jump and Panama from Van Halen’s 1984 album. (My first tape cassette)

It’s all just mixing pods over time. So in a few weeks, I’m sure that I’ll be walking the dog in the neighborhood, checking fantasy football scores on an iPhone over a wireless network, to see how I am doing with wagers amongst my friends. Kind of like when they launched controlled gambling in Venice Italy in 1638. Some things change, yet stay the same.

Well, I guess it’s time to start planning my mom’s 80th next year!

P.S. I wouldn’t recommend using this blog as a factual reference, these dates came from a number of sources on the internet. Some may be legit, others…

The true power in unplugging!

We took a family vacation in the Colorado mountains earlier this month and I came back truly refreshed with a renewed energy and focus.

And with that introduction, you may be thinking “No duh! That’s the whole point, where have you been? And how is this insightful?”

Well, it’s kind of sad, but I really struggle with totally unplugging mentally from everything going on professionally while on vacation. I’m pretty terrible about taking a day off and based upon what I see and hear from others, I don’t think that I’m alone.

For some of us, it may be FOMO (fear of missing out), a deep-rooted need for accomplishment, or that we just enjoy the work we do. For me, it’s probably a bit of all three and may have started when I got all those perfect attendance awards in elementary school. (I really loved going to school.)

Anyway, I’ve been reflecting back on how I felt during the week that I unplugged here are my top 3 insights:

1) Get in the pool

One of the best places to be present is in a pool. (Especially with kids, and even more so if they can’t touch the bottom of the pool and still learning to swim). There is no ‘halfway’ paying attention. Chances are they are having a blast and so are you. The ‘here and now’ presence in the pool is powerful and provides a refuge from our busy days. The water forms a natural boundary and there is no quick glance at the phone for the latest notification or some other distraction.

Side note: Unfortunately, I’ve noticed that there aren’t enough parents getting in the pool. I have kind of been amazed at how many parents sit and watch me entertain their kids.

Anyway, it’s not just a place those of us with young kids. The water can be energizing and the buoyancy may be just what your overworked body needs. No matter how old you are, getting in the pool and swimming (or maybe just bobbing) may be exactly what you need to get refocused and refreshed.

2) More balance, less integration

I wrote about discovering boundaries a couple of months back. But the insight here is specifically focused during a time that you are supposed to be unplugged. We continue to embrace the shift from a work-life balance mindset to one of work-life integration now that we are connected 24/7. We can take calls, do tasks quickly on our smartphones, and then jump back right back into our personal time.

However, I’m starting to feel the work-life integration concept is a one-way street. There isn’t a lot of life integrating with work, but a whole lot of work integrating with life. Have you ever gone on a trip or even played a simple round of golf with someone that has one foot in the work door? It can be pretty annoying and they are usually the only one that feels it is going just fine.

Those of you that travel every week probably love having WiFi on the plane these days, but are you reading fewer books? It seems like we are so focused at the airport searching for an outlet in order to have the privilege to sprawl out on the floor and charge our devices. Rather, think about the freedom in just reflecting on the trip, the people, the sites, the food, and the cultural experiences.

3) Let the Priorities Surface

The best part of prolonged downtime is that the important things tend to take shape and the real priorities begin to surface. Getting out of the grind and breaking daily routines, allows us to tap into aspirations, dreams, and other realities that we pushed to the back of our minds.

We need to allow time for our thoughts to breathe and that can’t happen if you get tied up in some email or spend 20 minutes doing a task that you honestly thought could be done in 2 minutes. (and then do it again and again).

Giving yourself that important space allows you to discover the top 20% of the things you should care about that give you the most joy, fulfillment, purpose, <insert your favorite adjective (or adverb) here>.

It also reminds me of the questions that a buddy of mine used to ask me when I was overworked and overwhelmed when we were supposed to be having fun. “What are you going to remember a year from now? This experience or that one work task you got done?”

Side note: Be careful with this question, it can be used to justify many actions. Another side note: You never remember the work task a year later.

So, the summer isn’t over yet. I hope you can find some time to totally unplug before the busy fall season is upon us with back-to-school activities, fantasy football, and shorter days.