@work – Mixing Pods

Do you need more playfulness in your day?

Over the past year, I don’t think many of us have woke up in the morning or reflected on our day thinking about playfulness. It’s been so heavy. After spending some time recharging over the holidays, I had planned to publish this blog during the first week of January. But then like many of us, I became consumed and disheartened by the events at our Capitol. Touting the insights about playfulness didn’t feel right. I didn’t feel right.

However, I was reminded of how important playfulness and humor are to my day-to-day relationships and the impact they have on my daily attitude and psyche. How they help me be an energy giver rather than an energy vampire. How the littlest bit of playfulness can shift my attitude, even if it is just the latest Bernie Sanders mittens meme.

So I thought I would share a few insights around using playfulness. To lighten up in order to take it easy on ourselves, live in the moment, increase connection with others, and building stronger culture in our organizations.

Remembering Rule #6

Being playful doesn’t mean you don’t take your work, your passion, or any of the things that are important seriously. It also doesn’t mean that you are not working hard to achieve your goals. It doesn’t mean you lack empathy and don’t care about others. It doesn’t mean you don’t want positive change around our greatest social issues.

I recently spoke to a non-profit group on ‘my journey to being a contribution’ and mentioned rule #6. It’s from one of my favorite leadership books, The Art of Possibility. Rule #6 is simple… Don’t take yourself so damn seriously. It really resonated with the group and during the Q&A, I was asked for tips on how I keep from taking myself too seriously (I know, right!). In the end, I think my response could be summarized that it comes down to bringing in playfulness in how I interact with family, friends, and colleagues.

Playfulness Keeps You Present

Sometimes you just need to wear a flamingo suit to the table for a little fun

Playfulness is a great way to focus on the here and now and stay present for day-to-day moments. If you don’t’ believe me, follow a 4-year-old around for a day. They see the world in the way that it was meant to be seen. They recognize playfulness and can’t get enough of it. They are focused on what’s immediately in front of them and tuned into what gets a positive reaction. Kids can recognize our awkwardness, know what’s worth giggling about, and still know how to celebrate the simplest wins. They aren’t worried about the things they are doing tomorrow and are in the moment.

A few laughs with a witty friend helps let your guard down a bit and you can refocus your energy on what really matters. It’s almost like you purge yourself of the things that were nagging at you and that you were probably overexaggerating anyway. Playfulness also generates small talk and like my friend Derrick says, “if you can’t talk about the small things, you can’t talk about the big things”.

Playfulness Creates Connection

Our dog Buford showing off a little playfulness in the morning snow

Playful moments accelerate connection with others and help us to build rapport quickly and effectively. Sharing a smile is one of the most important communication tools we have as humans.

Even in times of social distancing, group texts, WhatsApp threads, and phone calls with friends and family can be full of dad jokes, inside jokes, and sarcastic banter. These simple communications go a long way for those that may be living alone or a long way from home. My friend Will recently said our thread has kept him going during this long pandemic. “Living alone is tough, and by nature, I tend to hibernate when stressed. Having y’all a few clicks of a keyboard away has really helped”.

Playfulness also doesn’t have to be a big production. Maybe it’s just watching your dog enjoy some time in the snow. Maybe it’s sharing your grandfathers’ favorite joke. Maybe it is reviving a story that shaped your identity with an old friend. Maybe it’s trying improv with a group of strangers (BTW, I highly recommended this one). Maybe it’s spending the time doing that one funny face and voice again for your kids that they can’t get enough of. Sharing a laugh with someone is priceless.

Playfulness Impacts Culture

When professional athletes retire, many of them say that they miss the time with teammates in the locker room and the dinners on the road trips more than the sport itself. Those were the times filled with playfulness, connection, and where they and established trust and friendship with each other. Most of us spend 8-10 hours a day with our colleagues at work, shouldn’t it be fun?

When leaders bring playfulness into the organizational environment it brings positivity. Employees feel there is space to form connections with each other. Playfulness brings out authenticity and helps make feel leaders are accessible (and human). It also contributes to releasing the pressure that can build in an environment and make it feels safer to take risks and show individuality. That organization maybe your own family.

Can’t think of where to bring more playfulness into your day? Just remember rule #6.

Yep, dental tools have been turned into a family card game. I’m sure someone was just being playful in the dentist’s office one day…

3-42-80… and everything in-between

3-42-80. No, that is not my locker combination. Those are the ages of my youngest daughter, me, and my father. A span of 77 years across 3 generations and right now, I am trying to successfully navigate all of them.

There really isn’t a much better example of mixing pods. Balancing work and life (3 generations of it), while trying to achieve personal and professional goals. I’m striving to be an engaged husband and father, level up in my career, and ensure my parents are getting the support they need. Sometimes it feels like it’s a gravy train of transitions with one leading into the other and I never an opportunity to settle in. I’m starting to see why people gain weight in their 40s (don’t worry, my diet starts tomorrow).

This blog is about sharing insights and there are plenty of those to go around. Although, there are times that I have more questions than insights.

Parenting

Our girls are 3 and 5-years-old. These are super fun ages. Maggie has embraced learning to read, write, and do math in kindergarten. Addie is learning that you have to keep your hands and your lips to yourself in pre-school (no kissing in the playhouse!) It’s amazing to watch them learn so much about our world and remind us that there is nothing cooler than seeing things for the first time.

It also turns on the internal monologue and I start asking myself questions.

Am I staying present?
What is the right amount of discipline?
How do I not wind them up at night before bed? (It just happens)
How do we not coddle our kids and allow them to learn by trial and error?
Will I make it through ages 13 and 14? (Can’t wait to see those blogs!)
How do I ensure we have a lifelong relationship?

I learned from watching the Pixar movie, ‘Inside Out’, that there are core memories and I want to make them good ones. Looking back at some of my favorite core memories as a kid, they weren’t architected, they just happened.

Adulting

Parenting, working, husbanding, friending, mentoring, communitying… It seems like every day is jammed packed. I am so fortunate that Katie is an awesome partner and we continue to grow together, rather than apart as we approach 20 years of marriage. I attribute this to our support of each other across all of our pods. However, that doesn’t mean that I’m not constantly wondering,

Am I living up to my role as a husband?
Do I have more to contribute to my community?
Am I fostering important connections and friendships?
Am I living up to my potential professionally?
Am I actually being the leader that I desire to be?
How could I make a bigger impact?

Every day, it feels like I have to re-learn that time is our most valuable resource. (Yep, even at age 42). I’m grateful for the moments that I use time as an amazing asset. I can also get frustrated by my mismanagement of it, regretting the opportunity costs associated with some of my decisions. Prioritization should be easy… right? As explored in another blog about this time last year, is it over committing or under prioritizing?

Aging

We spend a lot of time and energy preparing for our golden years in the physical and financial sense. But I’ve realized there is a gap in how we prepare for the toll aging takes on our mentality. Giving up some of our most beloved activities like skiing and golfing, to more common daily activities like driving and yard work. We spend decades building up our confidence and ‘being the rock’, which makes it difficult when you can’t do the things that made you, you. My parents did an awesome job planning for their future over the years, but it definitely has me exploring new questions?

Am I showing the right amount of empathy?
What does this transition look like?
Am I ensuring enough time with their grandchildren?
Am I doing enough for our own retirement and post-retirement planning?
Am I carving out time for my siblings, in-laws, and extended family?
Do I really understand how fast time really goes?

I’m not trying to turn this blog into the song, Cat’s in the Cradle by Harry Chapin. However, I’m hoping that just like that song and others like it, it provides space to take stock of our priorities. (I apologize now for that song ringing in your head for the next 12 or so hours)

Ok… So maybe there are a few insights?

When I take a step back and look at 3-42-80, maybe it is a combination to unlocking great insights. Maybe this is where that whole wisdom vs. knowledge thing shows up in life.

Being present should never be understated
Knowing thyself is a lifelong journey
Life is complicated and gray, not black and white
If it feels like you are over-analyzing, you probably are
Don’t take yourself so seriously
Participate and contribute (not someday, today!)
Find your crew, tribe, and confidants

Honestly, none of these insights are new and have been shared for ages. It’s the application in our daily lives that makes them real. For me, 3-42-80 means that I can go from teaching ABCs to presenting to corporate executives, to discussing long-term care… all before 10:00 a.m.

It makes me laugh when I look back and thought that life got easier the older you got. Wisdom!

‘Just get started’ is my mantra for 2020

In last year’s New Years Day blog, What is your one word for 2019? I was really focused on achieving some ambitious goals. I chose the word ‘commitment’ to serve as a reminder throughout the year. In reflecting back, I had an incredible 2019 accomplishing personal and professional goals. So maybe focusing on the one word actually worked.

Heading into 2020, I think I am going to shift away from just one word (although I think if I was to choose one this year it would be ‘purpose’), and I’m going to go with a mantra. This year’s mantra is ‘Just get started!’.

Earlier this year, I was listening to my friend Candace Mau’s Everyday Joy podcast and she referenced a parable highlighting the benefits of taking a just get started approach.

A woman had been nagging her husband to paint the bathroom. He said he would get it done, but not to question his methods. So he went into the bathroom and drew an outline of a 2 foot by 2 foot square. She asked what he was doing, and he said, ‘remember not to question my methods’.
He then went and got his painting stuff from the garage and began painting the 2×2 square. When she looked in the bathroom later in the day, he had painted 75% of it. He then quickly finished the whole bathroom.
When she asked about his method, he said that he could commit to painting a 2×2 square on the wall and then once he started, he knew he would be able to get it done.
Paraphrased from Candace Mau’s podcast after she paraphrased from life coach William Wood, who paraphrased it from who knows where

The story has stuck with me and I’m finding the approach works across many of many different areas (pods) in my life. We all know the Nike slogan, Just Do it! Of course, that it is always easier said than done. Too often the ‘it’ is an end result. But what if the ‘it’ is just getting started on the first step to achieving ‘it’.

So I thought I would share some insights and tips on how to just get started.

Build Momentum
They talk a lot about momentum in sports, but you see it everywhere. Political races, product launches, social media trends, etc. But in our personal and professional lives, where does momentum come from? I wrote a Perficient blog in 2018, Sometimes you have to manufacture momentum. I actively use many of these techniques, including listening to music, getting organized, and feeling grateful. For some of us, momentum is created by fresh starts or recharging by taking time off and listening to holiday music 24/7 (like my wife Katie). For others, it may be going on a long run, while listening to old school heavy metal (that would be me).

Take a Risk!
It’s super easy to talk yourself out of anything and rationalize reasons for not doing something. They say that it is a lot easier to learn things as a child. Sometimes I think that is because kids are less risk-averse and don’t self-talk themselves out of things. Before you can ice skate, you have to lace up the skates. You have to step on the ice for the first time. It takes encouragement and support from others, but at the end of the day, it comes down to your ability to get started by putting one foot in front of the other.

Addie’s first skating lesson. She’s learned that sometimes you just have to get started. It was intimidating at first, but now she loves it.

Let Things Incubate
Once you get something started, it sits in the back of your mind and you can subconsciously build on it. The next thing you know, you have improved upon your idea without doing anything but letting time pass. When I have a big presentation to create, I find that sketching out a quick outline and walking away is a great way to get started. While I’m ‘sleeping on it’, walking the dog, or going for a drive, I gain perspective that I didn’t have sitting in front of the screen. Excitement builds around the ideas and it goes from being a daunting task to something I can’t wait to get done.

Fail Fast
By quickly getting started on something, you also may discover that it’s actually not something you want to finish or it isn’t going to play out like you intended. By just getting started, you can quickly make the necessary changes or determine to just stop. In this scenario, you stop beating yourself up for not getting going and shift your energy to other things you have deamed more worth your time and effort. This isn’t really failing, but focusing.

Anyway, I’m glad I took the risk and launched this blog last year. It’s a reminder for me on how just getting started on something can turn out.

Thanks so much for reading and I can’t wait for what things get started in 2020!

“You are not a f***ing squirrel!”

That is what one of my best friends told me over 10 years ago when I was in desperate need of perspective. I was overworked, overwhelmed, and felt like a zombie from a lack of sleep and poor self-care. I was so deep in my own head that I didn’t know how to be present. (I think we call it mindfulness today). He provided the right words at the right time that changed how I approach work and life.

I’ve been thinking back on that time a lot lately and since this is the time of year that I reflect on the past and begin setting goals and plans for the next. I sort of take personal planning and goal setting to the next level (as Katie rolls her eyes) and I can’t believe 2020 is here already.

So for some background on the squirrel, it goes all the way back to 2003. The White Stripes released an album called Elephant, which included a song named Little Acorns. The song starts with a narrator speaking over a piano, telling a story about a girl named Janet that was overwhelmed by multiple problems in her life. One day, she saw a squirrel gathering acorns for the winter and it inspired her. If that squirrel can take care of itself for the winter by gathering acorns one at a time, so could she by attacking her problems one at a time. The song then gets jamming with a guitar riff and eventually includes the line “be like the squirrel, girl!”

A few years later, I was on a large post-merger integration project and was traveling every week. I was in a stretch role and I was super stressed. This wasn’t unusual for me, I tended to be quite uptight early in my career as I thought it was my responsibility to get engaged and solve every challenge that surfaced. But during this time, the stress really got to me and it impacted how I showed up in all aspects of my life. My anxiety was through the roof and I was had gotten into a serious funk. I wore it 24/7. Katie was supportive and helped me seek out professional help.

Katie doesn’t always share my taste in music, but she sent me a quick text one day. It read, “be like the…” and then she attached a picture of a squirrel. I thought it was great and I made the squirrel photo my phone wallpaper to keep as a reminder.

**Be like the squirrel (or don’t!)**

Photo By Cephas – Own work, CC BY-SA 3.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=9645363

A few weeks later, one of my best friends, Austin, took me out to a movie to try and get me to laugh and just be a bit goofy (I think we went to Dukes of Hazard). Austin was dealing with his own stuff and although our problems weren’t the same, he understood the complexity of mental health.

I had taken my phone from my pocket in the lobby to check a text. Austin looked over and asked why I had a squirrel as my wallpaper? I told him the story and we went watch the movie.

Three days later, Austin called me up and said, “Dude, you know that I love Katie, (he has known her since we met in 1997), but you are not a f***ing squirrel!” He paused (for effect to ensure it stuck) and then continued by saying that ever since he had met me (we had known each other since the 5th grade and became very close in high school), that I was never a squirrel. That I always had a lot on my plate and that I needed to have a lot going on. There wasn’t a reason to be like the squirrel, it’s not how I was wired. He was telling me that this wasn’t a time to survive, it was a time to thrive!

His words had an immediate impact and my mind quickly went through a paradigm shift. I remember feeling the tension release in my shoulders and I stopped clenching my jaw. The pressure valve had released.

I began ’embracing the chaos’. I accepted that there were a lot of balls in the air rather than freaking out about which one was going to fall to the ground first. I felt more comfortable navigating ‘everything is a priority’ environments by stepping back by doing my best on what I can control and accepting the rest.

The conversation provided significant insight into a mindset that I have been applying in the years since. It keeps me engaged today as I balance the demands of family, fatherhood, work, and volunteering. There are definitely puts and takes, but I can definitely feel the difference when I am playing offense instead of defense. (I couldn’t resist a sports analogy).

Anyway, I still love jamming out to the song (give it a listen here). Sure it helps me keep perspective, but mainly because it brings back the memories of a caring wife and a best friend.

Who’s teaching who? Lessons from kindergarten on showing up at work

This is Maggie’s first year in Kindergarten and Addie is attending preschool in the same building. Katie has to be at her own school in the morning and I get the awesome privilege to drop the girls off at school before heading out to work.

This was a bit stressful for me. First of all, I have been work-centered for so many years and tended to prioritize work commitments over everything else. So this is a big paradigm shift for this brain of mine. It’s also quite a commute to my client site from our neighborhood. So I show up later now than I used to, and it still feels a bit awkward. The morning is well underway by the time I get there and I don’t have the time to get settled and organized before all the meetings start for the day. I feel rushed and a little bit disheveled.

However, throughout the month of September, I found myself enjoying drop off more and more and owning up to it. I’m focusing less on the hustle and bustle of it all, especially how it is impacting me at work, and just taking it in with the family.

Katie, the girls, and their amazing teachers are demonstrating important lessons and providing insights every morning to help me be at my best. I took a step back and reflected on school drop off duty. I think that I can apply these lessons to help me show up better at work.

Here are a few of the insights I have learned so far:

Be Present and Keep Perspective: It’s not lost on me that there is a short window of time when the girls will want to ride to school singing about ‘who stole the cookie from the cookie jar’ and playing ‘eye spy’. I’m pretty sure that I’ll remember these moments a lot longer than I’ll remember whatever my response to that urgent e-mail will be sitting in my inbox. Today only happens once and it takes effort to keep perspective. Some people figure out what matters most through life-changing events. I just wish it didn’t always have to come from something like that.

Mindset Matters: I notice that the girls have a new attitude every day. They don’t carry things with them from the previous day and are very quick to let things go. They’re excited to learn and have an appreciation for their new school experience on a daily basis. What if I focused less on the everyday grind and more about the opportunity to learn something new? Get to know someone a layer deeper? Choose to bring a positive attitude to the office every morning? (I also can’t wait to read this in 10 years when they are teenagers to see if the paragraph above still resonates. It should, but…)

Pre-plan the Night Before: First of all, this insight has the word ‘plan’ in it, so it clearly the one that Katie implemented, not me. It makes a big difference! Katie gets the girl’s clothes laid out and ready to go (sometimes after a pretty intense negotiation with Maggie on what she is going to wear), which saves us all-time in the morning. I’m also trying to apply this one in the workplace and close out the day with the plan for the next day. It helps me start with the highest priority the next morning. (at least some of the time… see the comment above about the urgent e-mail in the inbox).

Routines Rule: Successful school drop off relies on our morning routine and staying on schedule. We’ve figured out that leaving the house 2 minutes late is the difference from a steady stroll up to the classroom door vs. racing to the door before it is shut behind the teacher. (I still haven’t had to do a late check-in at the office, which is my ultimate measure of success. However, I have forgotten the lunch box and I am very thankful for the hot lunch option.) I’m sure there are more routines that I can implement in my work life to be more productive and help stay on schedule. Lord knows my boss would like that.

You Can Eat Breakfast Too: We ensure the girls have enough time to eat a good breakfast before heading to school. (Full disclosure, this doesn’t go perfectly every morning and yes, we sometimes have the containers in the car or something less desirable like a breakfast bar.) Anyway, for all of these years, why did I think it was ok to head out to work without breakfast? I’m noticing a big difference in how I feel throughout the day when I eat in the morning. A decent breakfast, not like the 430 calories in a grande white chocolate mocha. I went through that phase a few years back… one of those and I wasn’t hungry until 2:00.

How We Greet Each Other: The teachers come outside every morning smiling, with high energy, and are very welcoming. They are keenly aware that how they show up impacts how the kids respond. Of course, they have a ton going on in their own personal and professional lives, but the kids would never know it. They put the anxious ones at ease and get all of them excited for the day. This is why small talk has an important place in the workplace. This is where relationships start and build into a foundation. It’s not only about first impressions, but repeated daily interactions with those you work with the closest. It has me thinking about how I can bring more positivity into how I show up at work? How can I create a better environment for me and my co-workers?

Maggie was welcomed with open arms on her first day of school. She has been excited to go ever since.

Give Yourself a Break: Life is busy and stuff happens. Alarms don’t go off, clothes suddenly don’t fit, breakfast burns, the car is super low on gas, traffic is worse than normal, you spill your coffee on your white shirt, your phone is dead, you forget something, … We all have so much going on and we have a stack of ‘if only’s’. Take 3 breaths, think about something to be grateful for, don’t try and make excuses, and give yourself a break.

Overall, school drop off has been going pretty well. However, check-in with me in a couple of weeks. Katie is out of town for back-to-back conferences, so I’ll be flying solo and I am sure that I’ll learn some new lessons. She is the nucleus of our family and does an incredible job running our household. I’m pretty sure the girls will see the fear in my eyes and step up to help as well.

And this is just Kindergarten!

So… about comfort zones?

I kicked off September on an overnight retreat with over 65 people in the Leadership Denver 2020 program. We are a class with varying backgrounds in business, non-profit, and civic roles across Denver. It’s sponsored by The Denver Metro Chamber Leadership Foundation, with the mission to educate and inspire people who want to make a difference as leaders in their community.

We are just starting to get to know each other and the retreat had it all. A long car ride with a carpool (or in our case, the ‘dad pool’), professional facilitators, small team breakouts, skits, a late night, and a legit ropes course.

I was super excited and those that know me well, know that I absolutely love these type of things. (Maybe I should have gone the camp counselor career path route).

These retreats are designed to push comfort zones.

Meeting new people
Speaking in front of a lot of people
Doing physical challenges
Dancing in front of others
Connecting with strangers
Sharing self-assessment results
Small talk
Not-so-small talk

So in sitting down to post this reflection, I learned that there is a Wikipedia page dedicated to defining the comfort zone, and it is simplified to 3 phycological states.

Comfort Zone
Optimal Performance Zone
Danger Zone

Note: Some of my classmates were talking a lot about the ‘freak out zone’, so I think there may be a fourth ring beyond the danger zone.

Insights and Takeaways

I was in my element, definitely hanging out in the comfort zone and optimal performance zone. However, I learned that not everyone shares my affection for these type of situations (at least at first… or maybe never for others). The first insight for me was that we don’t all have the same comfort zones. It wasn’t about me feeling comfortable, but how do I support others and meet them where they are.

Comfort zones have invisible boundaries. So when we are challenged to get out of our comfort zones, it’s difficult to know where our lines are drawn. We might not even know where our comfort zones begin and end until we are in the middle of an experience. (Although I think it is unanimous that 99% of people are uncomfortable with the ‘close talker’, and need at least an arms-length distance from someone when having a conversation). Anyway, the takeaway for me is to remember that others don’t know your comfort zone boundaries either. So let them know where you are, where you want to be, and then they can help you get there.

This is not on the test (in fact, there is no test). Seth Godin talks a lot about this. We have trained ourselves to want to know the right answers, many times before we even begin. We want to ensure we know the rules of engagement and how we will be measured for success before taking the leap. However, there is no right or wrong way to go through experiential learning. It’s just like life. You have to just be you, evaluate the results, and make adjustments.

Feeling pushed, but not shoved. I use this phrase a lot to describe how I like to be lead in my work life. It was also something that came to mind during the retreat. How do you push someone from their comfort zone into the optimal performance zone, without going to the danger zone (or “getting on the express lane to the freak out zone?”) At work, we talk a lot about how we stretch our employees to help them grow in their careers. We want to push people beyond their comfort zones, but ensure they are ready. Ensure we don’t promote someone too quickly and send them from a comfort zone right into the danger zone. If the person isn’t ready to jump, don’t be the one to shove them off the obstacle. Figure out where they are at and then go from there. When they are ready, they’ll jump.

Comfort zones change but never go away. I’ve mentioned to my friends that in my early 20’s, I honestly thought that life got easier the older that you got. That you figure life out and roll with it. (I know right… I am much wiser now!) Shifting in and out of comfort zones is part of life as we get exposed to new challenges and opportunities. In my career, I struggle with transitioning in and out of individual contributor and leadership positions. At home, as soon as I get comfortable, our daughters are moving into another growth stage and I’m working with Katie to stay mindful and not get overwhelmed. You never grow out of having comfort zones and you face them in all phases of life from childhood into the golden years.

So why do comfort zones matter?

Learning is uncomfortable
Leadership is uncomfortable
Facing challenges is uncomfortable
Letting others help you is uncomfortable
Not having answers is uncomfortable
The unknown is uncomfortable

I’m also learning that even though I may not have trouble speaking in front of a group, not exactly knowing what words I am going to say. Putting these blogs out there on the internet is definitely uncomfortable and stretching my comfort zone. So thanks for reading and I appreciate all of the support.

Dude… am I a complainer?

I was driving down I-25 jamming out to Alt Nation on Sirus XM and the song Complainer, by Cold War Kids came on the radio. I’ve heard it a few times already and enjoy the tune, but this time I let the lyrics sink in a bit.

You say you want to change this world
Well, do you really believe in magic?
But you can only change yourself
Don’t sit around and complain about it
Now you’re out on your own, don’t know where you belong
Don’t sit around and complain about it
You say you want to change this world
Don’t sit around and complain about it
Cold War Kids, Complainer

A number of thoughts entered my mind. Initially on our macro society (It really feels like we have taken complaining to a new level over the past couple of years… It’s so noisy.) But most of all, I started reflecting on some very personal moments. I began asking myself, am I a complainer?

I’ve always thought of myself as a ‘just do it’ person. I have a lot of pride, strive for personal accountability, and try to rally people around me by being positive. But, I can also complain like the best out there, even when I have the best intentions. Lately, I have been much more aware of catching myself complaining (at home and at work) and trying to shift that energy into action.

Complaining is probably one of the most common ways that most of us mix pods. Especially when it comes to complaining about work at home. It is also the most unproductive time we spend in our day. Think about all the time we would get back in our lives if we were not complaining about work (and the amount of time we would save our families because frankly, they aren’t really that interested in our complaints anyway).

So here are 3 insights that I’ve been thinking about lately whenever the song gets in my head. I thought that I would share them to see if it helps us all complain a little less so that we can get on with changing the world.

Identify the PERSONAL source of the complaints

When I find myself complaining, it’s usually because there is something personal at the root of it. Almost every time.

Do I want to improve something?
Do I want to be heard?
Do I want to be included? (maybe I’m feeling left out?)
Do I genuinely want to see change?
Do I want to feel empowered?
Do I want to be inspired?
Do I know the WIFM (What’s in it for me)?
Am I competitive and want to win?
Am I not part of the decision-making process?
Am I taking myself way too seriously?

For so long I’ve struggled with telling myself that it is not personal, it’s just business. Well, then why am I so passionate about things? Why are some of these things so hard to let go? Phil Knight summed it up well in his memoir, Shoe Dog.

“It’s never just business. It never will be. If it ever does become just business, that will mean that business is very bad.”
Phil Knight, Shoe Dog

Once I’m able to identify why something has become so personal, I’m able to shift the mindset from complaining to objectively problem-solving. I start seeing the big picture.

Have empathy, but don’t forget the context

A few years back, my Gallup Strengths Finder had empathy as my #1 strength. I think it was during a time when I was flexing my empathy muscle a lot, but maybe too hard. I was starting to take on every gripe that others had as my own and carried it up to the chain of command. I was trying to model the Tom Hanks character, Captain Miller in the scene in Saving Private Ryan. “That gripes go up, not down”.

I have now learned that you need to be selective about which gripes you are going to take up, and how often. There was a phase in my career when I was trying to influence a change in the organization by just saying things louder and on repeat. I then received some very direct feedback, that “I always tend to frame things in the negative.” Well poop, that wasn’t how I intended to show up. All the behind the scenes cheerleading I did with the team wasn’t recognized by my boss because to him, all I did was bring complaints.

I also didn’t balance all that empathy with everyone involved, including those that I was trying to influence. I didn’t get in tune with the context of the environment or take into consideration the thousands of inputs taking place outside of my perspective.

It’s easy to forget to have empathy for the people that we are trying to influence and change. Whether it’s a boss, a spouse, a co-worker, aging parents, a friend, or sibling. Sometimes we forget to step into their shoes, to understand their goals, risks, and most importantly, their fears. They deserve our empathy as well.

You don’t have to win the conversation, just be clear on what we are solving for

We focus a lot on who is wrong and who is right. But we spend most of our time justifying our actions in order to make ourselves feel better. We want to have the last word to make sure the conversation ends on our terms.

Ohh and by the way, nothing is ever black and white. Big issues are complex, they have a lot at stake, and a ton of considerations. We get so wrapped up in trying to sell our side of the story that we lose sight of basic problem statements. What are we solving for?

If we gave our mind and our mouth a few moments to breath, we would see that we are so busy trying to be right that we are missing an opportunity to listen and get more information. A moment to refocus on the problem that we are trying to solve.

Anyway, I’m sure a few more insights will surface on this one and I hope to catch myself when I get into complainer mode and think about what’s truly behind it. Then shift into a positive and productive mindset to get busy on the steps that make progress on solving the problem.

I’m not totally sure how I can or will change the world, but I do know that I just don’t want to sit around and complain about it!

Addie didn’t know how to articulate it, but she definitely was complaining inside having to pose for this picture.

The true power in unplugging!

We took a family vacation in the Colorado mountains earlier this month and I came back truly refreshed with a renewed energy and focus.

And with that introduction, you may be thinking “No duh! That’s the whole point, where have you been? And how is this insightful?”

Well, it’s kind of sad, but I really struggle with totally unplugging mentally from everything going on professionally while on vacation. I’m pretty terrible about taking a day off and based upon what I see and hear from others, I don’t think that I’m alone.

For some of us, it may be FOMO (fear of missing out), a deep-rooted need for accomplishment, or that we just enjoy the work we do. For me, it’s probably a bit of all three and may have started when I got all those perfect attendance awards in elementary school. (I really loved going to school.)

Anyway, I’ve been reflecting back on how I felt during the week that I unplugged here are my top 3 insights:

1) Get in the pool

One of the best places to be present is in a pool. (Especially with kids, and even more so if they can’t touch the bottom of the pool and still learning to swim). There is no ‘halfway’ paying attention. Chances are they are having a blast and so are you. The ‘here and now’ presence in the pool is powerful and provides a refuge from our busy days. The water forms a natural boundary and there is no quick glance at the phone for the latest notification or some other distraction.

Side note: Unfortunately, I’ve noticed that there aren’t enough parents getting in the pool. I have kind of been amazed at how many parents sit and watch me entertain their kids.

Anyway, it’s not just a place those of us with young kids. The water can be energizing and the buoyancy may be just what your overworked body needs. No matter how old you are, getting in the pool and swimming (or maybe just bobbing) may be exactly what you need to get refocused and refreshed.

2) More balance, less integration

I wrote about discovering boundaries a couple of months back. But the insight here is specifically focused during a time that you are supposed to be unplugged. We continue to embrace the shift from a work-life balance mindset to one of work-life integration now that we are connected 24/7. We can take calls, do tasks quickly on our smartphones, and then jump back right back into our personal time.

However, I’m starting to feel the work-life integration concept is a one-way street. There isn’t a lot of life integrating with work, but a whole lot of work integrating with life. Have you ever gone on a trip or even played a simple round of golf with someone that has one foot in the work door? It can be pretty annoying and they are usually the only one that feels it is going just fine.

Those of you that travel every week probably love having WiFi on the plane these days, but are you reading fewer books? It seems like we are so focused at the airport searching for an outlet in order to have the privilege to sprawl out on the floor and charge our devices. Rather, think about the freedom in just reflecting on the trip, the people, the sites, the food, and the cultural experiences.

3) Let the Priorities Surface

The best part of prolonged downtime is that the important things tend to take shape and the real priorities begin to surface. Getting out of the grind and breaking daily routines, allows us to tap into aspirations, dreams, and other realities that we pushed to the back of our minds.

We need to allow time for our thoughts to breathe and that can’t happen if you get tied up in some email or spend 20 minutes doing a task that you honestly thought could be done in 2 minutes. (and then do it again and again).

Giving yourself that important space allows you to discover the top 20% of the things you should care about that give you the most joy, fulfillment, purpose, <insert your favorite adjective (or adverb) here>.

It also reminds me of the questions that a buddy of mine used to ask me when I was overworked and overwhelmed when we were supposed to be having fun. “What are you going to remember a year from now? This experience or that one work task you got done?”

Side note: Be careful with this question, it can be used to justify many actions. Another side note: You never remember the work task a year later.

So, the summer isn’t over yet. I hope you can find some time to totally unplug before the busy fall season is upon us with back-to-school activities, fantasy football, and shorter days.

Hanging out with the family at the top of Vail Mountain. Unplugged and happy!

I guess boundaries are important to be productive

I really wasn’t good at coloring between the lines when I was a kid. I don’t know if it was an artistic skill thing or the ability to sit still long enough to focus on the art. Actually, I think it was a little bit of both.

Our girls provided a visual of my struggles at a diner in Glenwood Springs a couple of months ago. Maggie was focused and committed to coloring on the kid’s menu. However, Addie was too busy to sit still and wanted to stir up a little laughter.

While Maggie focused on the coloring, our mischievous Adeline was not to be tamed by a few crayons and a kids menu

Anyway, I’ve been feeling stretched a bit thin and not as focused lately. I think it is a combination of my commitments across multiple pods, my trouble sitting still, along with my serious FOMO issues.

I hear that setting clear boundaries is a good tool to prevent this from happening. However, you have probably picked up that as a guy that writes about mixing pods, I have challenges with boundaries.

My challenge with boundaries begins with a bit of overcommitment. I was on a project once and the lead said, “you would be surprised what we can get done in two weeks”. He was right, we got a ton done and all it took was 12-14 hour days and weekends. Without boundaries and enough time and resources, anything is possible.

I’m also willing to admit that my tendency to overcommit is self-imposed. I mean, saying no is easy, right?

I’m really good at saying no. Well sort of…

“No problem”
“No worries!”
“No, I got it”
“No, don’t worry about it”
“No, I didn’t do it yet, but I will”

I tend to commit to things with a ‘Ceteris Paribus’ mindset. You may remember this Latin phrase, meaning “all other things being equal” or “other things held constant” or “all else unchanged”. (Well, I actually didn’t remember it either. However, the concept always stuck with me, but I had to look up the Latin and I doubt I pronounce it correctly.)

Anyway, it’s the last definition that gets me in the most trouble because nothing in our life ever stays unchanged. So I’ll commit to something with just the lens of that activity, not factoring in my commitments across other areas, many of which are going to experience change, making them even more of a commitment.

So in writing this blog, I thought that someone must have written about this topic before. A quick google search and yep, lots of discussion on boundaries. (No surprise, a lot of posts on Oprah’s site). I came across this business blog by David Taylor. He actually has some pretty decent tips in his blog focused on productivity. (I couldn’t direct you to an Oprah site, my wife Katie would never stop teasing me).

However, the insight that has surfaced for me, is the need to figure out what the boundaries are before I make the initial commitment. To think through my existing commitments across each of the other pods and what I truly have the capacity to do. Otherwise, I’m just going to continue scrambling to follow through on what I said, “no”, to doing in the first place.

This doesn’t come easy to me. My friend Austin reminds me that I am not a squirrel. (Doing one thing at a time).

REMIX: Run your Project Like a Rock Concert

I decided to do a Triathlon this summer and I’ve reverted back to listening to some of my go-to workout music during training. I came across the same album that inspired me to publish an article in Consulting Magazine back in January of 2014 called, Run Your Project like a Rock Concert. At the time, our firm focused on increasing brand awareness and I thought it would be a fun connection to write about.

I truly can’t believe it has already been 5 years since I wrote the article. However, I don’t think a lot has changed in how I approach projects. So I thought I would remix it a little bit and publish it as part of this Mixing Pods blog. I hope you and enjoy it!

In true Mixing Pods form, this is a picture that my friend Jensen Sutta took at a Need to Breathe concert at Red Rocks Amplithether in Morrison, Colorado

Run your Project Like a Rock Concert

By Tony Mauro
Jan 7, 2014 (remixed April 2019)

I was recently on a run listening to one of my favorite live albums, “Alive,” by Daft Punk. However, this time I found myself not just listening to the music, but listening to how the crowd responded, the transitions between songs, and timing of the drops and climaxes. My mind then started wandering to my work, and I began thinking about the project that I am leading.

Although I would argue that my project isn’t quite as entertaining as a rock concert, I found myself drawing the correlation between the two, and realizing that while partnering with a client, we are putting on an incredible show. It is a large project, spanning a number of months, with numerous stakeholders. My job is to help the ‘artist’ keep the energy going, so that when they go-live, the client is given a standing ovation and asked for an encore.

We commonly use music terms in the workplace, such as Orchestrate, Rhythm, Harmony, and Tempo. But unlike studio singles that are remastered and perfected, leading a major project is like putting on a live concert. No concert is the same, and the artists have to adapt, deal with the elements, and make sure they don’t lose the crowd. On your project you have to make adjustments and improvise, while maintaining scope and keeping stakeholders engaged. Just like a production crew, you have to get the most out of your resources.

Your Project Kickoff

The first song at a show is designed to be exciting and bring the crowd from a state of relaxation to their feet. Your project kickoff meetings and are similar—you need to bring up the energy, get the team excited, and set the tone. If you don’t generate the excitement up front, your team could head for the exits before you get to any of the big hits. Think about the songs that are used at sporting events to get the crowd going between plays or before the puck drops. They have some oomph!

To launch a project successfully, you need to have the right people invited and ensure everyone understands WHY the team is going to tackle the project and their role in its success. Just like the band on stage, you can’t have four lead singers, three lead guitarists, or two drummers on your project. The executive sponsor should be there to fulfill his or her role of showing unwavering support, as well as explaining the relationship between the project and the corporate strategy. Take the time to ensure each person at the kickoff understands how they are going to contribute throughout the entire project. Kickoffs work best at an offsite location, somewhere fresh to get your participants outside of their comfort zone and the grind of the typical business day. Show that the project will be exciting and that the team should be proud of being a part of it.

Have you ever been to a concert where the crowd was not engaged? In business, we call this not being aligned with expectations.

I recently heard about a John Mayer show, where he was ripping it up on guitar, and some people said it was unbelievable—but my friend who attended the concert expected to sing along with the songs she knew. Similarly, allowing for team participation in business situations is key to a project’s success. Make sure your team and stakeholders are clear on the project goals and what success looks like. Otherwise, they will disengage and will allocate their time to other initiatives. You want all their attention focused on the project. Can you really do anything else when you are at a rock concert?

Keeping the Team Engaged

A common complaint you hear in business is one about the lack of communication among leadership and team members. However, keeping the team engaged in the project is more than communication; it is really about maintaining the momentum. Be sure to celebrate mid-term milestones and recognize individual and team accomplishments. It is also critical to be “real” with the team when facing current realities and challenges. The audience has their favorite songs and each person likes different aspects of the show, so utilize a variety of ways to connect with the team and stakeholders. Lastly, sometimes less is more and you don’t need to smother participants with communications, but activities need to be relevant, show progress and be pointed in the right direction.

Preparation

A great concert doesn’t just happen, and an artist doesn’t just walk up to the venue and start rocking out. It takes months of planning by a number of people for a two-hour show from the logistics, marketing, staging and lighting, wardrobe, and so forth. The artists lay out the set list to spread out the popular songs and ensure there is a good flow from start to finish.

Your project will also take months of planning by yourself and others. It takes more than just the project manager to execute a successful project, and you can’t do it alone. There will be discovery, business case analysis, impact assessments, and pre-project planning before you even launch the project. Enlist executive sponsors and ensure all the required functions will provide the resources and time it is really going to require. However, it’s following through on your vision that will be critical. You have to care about it more than anyone.

The vast majority of popular music follows a verse and chorus structure, with the repetitive chorus communicating the theme of the song. When artists play live, they can stop singing and let the crowd take over, because the chorus is always simple and easy to sing.

This crowd participation analogy applies to your project. Can your stakeholders recite your key messages if you were to give them the microphone? The messages have to be clear, relevant, and compelling enough to get behind. My clients always requests the most simple and intuitive communications for their teams, and if the mark is missed, communications are rewritten.

Rhythm and Pace

Even the most popular bands have to give cues to the crowd, clapping their hands above their heads, encouraging the audience to join them. The stage crew flashes the lights on the crowd, prompting them to react. As the project lead, you also must proactively engage your team members and key stakeholders when you need them to take an active role and increase participation.

On the flip side, artists also sprinkle in some softer songs into their set list and carefully time intermissions. Your project will have quiet times when you need to regroup and rest in preparation for the next big milestone. It is important to plan for how you are going to manage the project lulls and workload intensive times. Celebrate the successes along the way, and give your team an intermission if required, so they can be more focused in the future.

Van Morrison is the only artist that I am aware of that can get away with just playing the songs on stage and not sharing a story or spending some time talking to the crowd. Your project is also a social outlet; you want your project team and stakeholders to enjoy working on it. Ensure to make time for team outings and opportunities for the team to get to know each other on a personal level. The project team is establishing strong connections and a network that will last long beyond the conclusion of the project.

The Insight

So the next time you have a chance to go to a live show or listen to a live album, pay attention to the crowd. Look at how the artists have organized their setlist, the props they use, and how they are managing the audience. Look around at all the production planning and deliberate structure put in place to make it a good show.

Most importantly, pay close attention to the passion the artist is putting into their craft and think about how you can lead your next project like a rock concert.