Mixing Pods – Mixing Pods

“Hey Dad, What’s Up?”

That was our typical greeting. An open-ended question. Most of the time I think he was curious, but sometimes I think he wanted to help solve a problem. There was plenty of both over the years.

Since I am the baby of the family with a large ‘afterthought’ gap between my siblings, so many of my memories of my dad are from when he was in his 50s, 60s, and 70s.

In writing up a eulogy for his vigil earlier this month, I just kept reflecting on the various conversations and experiences over our lifetimes. As a kid, they were very active and later in life centered around conversations and answering the question ‘what’s up?’

In the Garden

I’m pretty sure my dad would keep voting in favor of daylight savings time. I remember him being in the garden until at least 8 or 9 p.m. throughout the summer, while I jumped on the trampoline asking him to check out my tricks.

As a young kid, I asked for a red wagon for Christmas. I’m really not sure if it was really my idea or part of his master plan. Because once I got it, I had to haul vegetables to all the neighbors in the fall. This wasn’t your typical suburban garden, it was huge and included all the vegetables that you can find in your local produce section in the store. You disappear on the corn husks like in a scene from Field of Dreams.

In the Kitchen

He loved to cook, making it up based on what he had available. He always cooked from scratch and nothing went to waste in the house. (He would remind us of his humble roots and be grateful for the food on the table.) We always had leftovers… which were either combined with something else for the meal the following day or in a Tupperware container in the fridge. I could always count on my friend Ryan Fowler to come over and eat the leftovers.

On Boy Scout outings with Glasser and Doug, after long days of adventure, he would make his famous peach cobbler in a Dutch oven over the hot coals once the fire had burned down. It was an awesome way to end your night camping and one of those tastes that can’t be replicated.

Gatherings

Our house was kind of like Grand Central station. My mom always said it was ok for my friends would come over. We would be hanging out, Austin napping on the couch after a long day’s work and my Dad would bring down some sort of crazy snack… while busting Jensen’s chops for leaking oil on the driveway.

During wrestling season, he would come to the matches with cayenne pepper popcorn to share with the Fitts family. He also knew Derrick and I were cutting weight so he would offer us a sandwich. We would say no, but then he would cut it in fourths so it didn’t look like much. You always ended up eating the whole thing, just in smaller bites after some resistance. He also made these amazing oatmeal, peanut butter, and chocolate bars. However, when I asked for them outside of the season, he replied ‘no way’. That they were way too fattening and he would gain weight.

Growing up and getting old. Sharing lots of meaningful moments over a lifetime.

Skiing and Golfing

Dad retired from CDOT when I was in high school and worked in the private sector some beyond that. I remember the day I called and he told me that work was getting in the way of his skiing and golfing.

He would call me at about 1:30 in the afternoon on a Tuesday or Wednesday throughout the winter. Hey, what’s up? He would ask. I’d reply with my annoyed (but not really annoyed) response of that of course I was working. He’d then tell me about the ski day at Loveland Basin. The snow conditions, how many runs he did, and which runs were the best. He loved his over 70-years-od, weekday-only ski pass. No one would be on the slopes. He would show up at 10:00 a.m. and be done by 1:00 p.m. Sometimes he could get 9 holes of golf in on the same day.

Embracing Technology

In the early 2000s, he became pretty computer savvy. I think his favorite thing about the internet was watching interactive weather maps across the world. He would compare how much rain he got in his rain gauge at the house with the rest of the city in real-time. He would always see how much snow the ski areas got on snowy days. Sometimes when I called, I would get the entire 5-day forecast (or a question about how to get the printer working again, or get digital camera photos to download, or get rid of a pop-up browser that wouldn’t go away).

However, he never really embraced the cell phone. He had one briefly, but it was used for outbound calls only. He would call you, leave a message, and then turn his phone off. I really don’t think he liked the idea of being that connected when he rather be enjoying the outdoors. There is probably a lesson for all of us here these days.

Caring

One day I called home when was in college and when he asked, ‘what’s up?’ I responded with, ‘The usual’. He then responded with ‘Ohh no what happened?’ The background is that I had a history of freak accidents (bonfire burns, car accidents, wounds needing stitches, being in a truck going off a cliff coming out of a car wash). He used to tell me that I had 9 lives and would sometimes count and recap the big accidents. I think he had them listed in a notebook.

But that’s the funny thing about dad. He would really get on you for the little things… like if you weren’t paying attention, or if you were half-assing something. But he was calm under pressure and when you were freaking out about the big things. At the end of the day, he was caring and supportive. Maybe it was after all of Steve’s broken bones or Karen’s crazy accidents. They broke him in. I had it pretty easy.

He also sort of had a sixth sense about trouble. Like the time he didn’t like the idea of my friends and I going up to Winter Park during spring break one year. The trip ended with us in a 22-car pileup on I-70. When you were scared or needed help, that is when his compassionate side came out. He stayed calm, logical, and matter-of-fact. You knew who you had to call when you were in trouble.

Authentic

My dad was known for being direct. I honestly don’t really recall any times that he waffled on opinions, or left things in doubt. To this day I find one of my core values is authenticity and I think that comes from my dad. He always showed up authentically. I honestly don’t think he knew how to do it any other way.

Same Side of the Table

My birds and the bees discussion occurred on a chair lift at Loveland. I had nowhere to go, just us, one-on-one. However, in a couple of minutes, we were going to be off the lift and skiing down the mountain, only to pick up a totally different conversation on the next chair. It was a genius approach. Thinking back, there were a lot of side-by-side conversations. Like hiking through the wilderness with 40-50 lbs backpacks or taking long drives and road trips. That was his approach when trying to connect with others.

Active and Engaged

My mom and dad were very active in our lives. For me, it was Panther football and baseball with Jamie, Scouts with Glasser and Doug, wrestling matches, trips up to CSU, or just hanging out at the house with the crew. Katie and I played in an adult ice hockey league and our games were late on Friday and Saturday nights. They would still drive up from Littleton to watch our games, but mostly to watch the girls when they came around. Our games really didn’t have that much action, but it was something to do and they had fun (except for the time my dad got hit in the face with an errant puck and lost a tooth). My 30-50-year-old teammates got a kick out of my parent’s still coming to rec. sports.

Vulnerable

As he battled Parkinson’s, he let his vulnerability show. He had to let the skiing, golfing, gardening, and driving go. He had to relinquish balancing the checkbook and scheduling car maintenance. He didn’t resist. He was logical. He did it with grace.

He still wanted to know what was up but had fewer stories about what he was able to do. The shared experiences were all told ton the past tense, but the long-term memories will not be forgotten.

Curiosity and Wonder

This past year or so, you could hear him wondering aloud about things and you would try and decipher them. You got a glimpse into his curious mind and longing for learning.

Are you thinking about the roads you designed?
Are you thinking about a family trip to Mississippi or Illinois?
Are you thinking about what to plant?
Are you making up a recipe for the veggies growing in the garden?
Are you thinking about baking a pie?

Thanks to my friend Jensen for taking the photo that we really think captures dad’s curiosity and wonder

Strength and Preparation

As we said goodbye to him last week, I don’t think that I will ever forget my mom telling him that it was ok to go. That he helped make her so strong and that she will be just fine with us by her side. She’s right, she is so strong and one tough cookie.

One of the last smiles that I got out of my dad was while we were watching a bronco game this season. I asked if he remembered mom yelling loudly at the Bronco games when they had season tickets. He looked at me with a grin and gave an affirming nod. One of his favorite stories to tell was how my mom would really give John Elway the business.

Keeping His Spirit with Me

So now as I go on moonlit walks around the neighborhood or hikes in the Rocky Mountains, I’ll probably look up to the sky and as ask, Hey dad, what’s up? It will give me a chance to think about all the good times we had. It will give me a chance to reflect if I am being the son he would want me.

Am I showing up authentically?
Am I helping take care of my mom and staying connected with my family?
Am I living up to my promise to be an engaged and supportive husband and father?
Am I being a good friend?

Maybe I’ll just listen to his advice on how to help solve my problems. He was really good at it!

I love you, dad, and we miss you.

Am I the man that I was coached to be?

This time of year is always a period of deep reflection for me and this year, it feels deeper, heavier, and more significant. There isn’t a person in the world that’s not impacted by this global pandemic and all of us are experiencing our own personal wins and losses.

I’ve been reflecting on personal role models, their impact on me, and how I apply their lessons as I navigate mid-life with a young family.

One of those was role models was wrestling Coach Ray Barron. He wasn’t just one of mine, he positively impacted thousands of young men and women. We lost Coach in late October, and over the past few months, I have been reminded of the impact he had on his family, along with all the men (and women) across generations of 50 years of coaching.

So I’ve been thinking a lot about the lessons that I learned from Coach on and off the wrestling mat in an attempt to ensure that I am still living up as one of ‘Barron’s Boys’.

Showing UP

Be confident while maintaining humility
You can do it, but you have to believe in yourself first
Be willing to put in the work
Respect everyone. Parents, coaches, teammates, teachers, and your opponent
Your conduct is a reflection of the entire team (or family)
No one person is bigger than the sport (or any organization you take part in)
You are ultimately measured by your heart, not your trophies
Play to your strengths
Challenge yourself, but don’t beat yourself up
Dig deeper, you will find even more than you realized was there

Winning and losing

Win with class and lose with class
There is no better feeling than when you know you gave it your best
You always shake hands with your opponent
You can’t always control the outcome, but you can control how you respond
You can be upset you lost, but you can’t be a sore sport
Never blame the referees
The process matters more than the outcome

Being a Teammate

True companionship lasts forever
Celebrate others success and catch them if they fall
Inclusivity is natural when you sweat together for a common goal
You learn a lot about yourself carrying someone else up a flight of stairs or through other life challenges
Seasons are short, but memories carry on
Seize the opportunity to connect in meaningful ways
Embrace growing together, you will never regret it

Coach played a significant role in shaping life long friendships beyond the wresting mat

I’m sure there are so many additional lessons that others took away from their time with Coach. At the end of the day, when I look back at Coach Barron’s legacy, I think it is very simple. That he just cared.

Coach set up young men (and women) for success no matter where they were in their journey. He had a knack for identifying the kid that could use some confidence just by being part of the program. He helped the most talented reach their full potential to compete for championships. He could also humble those that needed it and transform them in the most positive way.

At the banquet at the end of the season, the seniors would gather at the front of the auditorium. We called it senior goodbyes. He would say some final words about each wrestler and he could never make it through the speeches without shedding tears. He had invested so much time into us as young men and his return on investment was our growth and character that we took into adulthood.

Now that our girls have entered school-aged years, I can see how important it is to consistently pass on all of those lessons that I mentioned above. It’s not always easy and it takes significant commitment. How do I model it, teach it, and celebrate it?

But what if I asked myself each morning, “Am I the man that I was coached to be?” Maybe that’s the right tactic going forward to help me reach my potential. I believe answering that question will shape my everyday intentions, decisions, and actions. Then I can take comfort in being content with the consequences and outcomes that fall into place.

You can read more awesome stories about Coach Barron, learn more about his impact, and support the scholarship in his name at the Ray Barron Strength and Honor Fund.

Who is making you better?

My friend Ryan called me out of the blue the other night. He wanted to share an insight that he had been thinking about since our conversation on my driveway a few days earlier. He had just stopped by to say hello and during our chat, I shared with him that I was in a creative workshop and practicing my writing and storytelling.

Ryan’s been showering me with a ton of encouragement over the past few months. He has been boosting my confidence to explore writing a book and to think about public speaking. I feel like I have my very own personal cheerleader. It’s pretty cool when your cheerleader is a 6′ 5” former Superbowl Champion with the Denver Broncos, best-selling author, national public speaker, Notre Dame Football color analyst, daily radio host, family man, and I could go on and on.

So what was his insight? That asking a question is the most effective way to engage an audience and deepen a connection with others. That our brain reacts much differently when someone asks us a question rather than telling us a story.

As we continued our conversation, it brought me back to a goal I had just set a few days earlier. To be a better listener. (Of course, my wife Katie has been asking for that to be on my goal list for the last 20 years.). But I want to learn how to listen in a way that helps me really ‘see’ others beyond the words they are saying. It’s one thing to ask someone a question, but the opportunity is lost if I’m really not listening to the answer.

Like all good insights, it was timely and a clear answer to a question that I have been pondering lately. Who is making you better?

Ryan never misses an opportunity to ask a good question. Sometimes I forget we are playing golf because he has me thinking about something in a way that hadn’t before.

In addition to Ryan, another person making me better is my life and leadership coach Margie. She turned me onto the book, the Proximity Principle, by Ken Coleman. In his book, Ken describes 5 types of people to help you obtain your dream job (a.k.a. those that make you better).

1. Professors: Teachers with the experience and skills to help you
2. Professionals: Masters with a mentality to be the best they can be
3. Mentors: Trustworthy guides that have done it and care about your success
4. Peers: Intentional connections with shared values, that are driven, and give you straight talk
5. Producers: Provide a network connections, resources, and make stuff happen

I love the framework and it’s a great book. I’m sure right now you can imagine people in your life that you can slot into each of those roles and I’m fortunate that a guy like Ryan can fill in multiple roles. In addition, this perspective also helps you see where you may need to find new people to fill in the gaps.

I also think you can expand on the list a bit if you think about this principle beyond looking for your dream job. What if you explore who is making you better across all of your pods. Not just work, but in your day-to-day life and in your community?

Your boss: I’m fortunate that I work for someone that believes in me. Sometimes more than I believe in myself. Am I listening?

Your friends and family: It’s so easy to think that those closest to you are ‘just saying that’ because they have to. That they tell you what you want to hear. But they have a front-row seat to the thing you call life and their feedback is essential. These are the ones that know your dreams, are by your side when you need it, push you to work harder, and celebrate your wins. Maybe they want you to ask more questions (I sure know our friend Candace does!) Do those closest to you know where you want to get better?

Your kids: Somedays I feel like my 4 and 6-years-olds are providing more insights to me on how to be a better person than I am teaching them. There is nothing like seeing the world through the eyes of a young child. How do we keep this zest for life as we get older?

Your inner monologue: The ‘person’ we talk to the most in our life is ourselves. Is your self-talk making you better?

Every so often, we may need to take stock of who we have in our lives that are making us better and helping us achieve our goals. If you are struggling to identify people in your life that can fill these roles, then now is the time to start seeking them out. If you already know who they are, let them know it and see how it can strengthen your relationship with them.

And of course, we all know there is another follow-up question that we must ask ourselves: Who am I making better?

I’ll be focusing on that one in the days ahead.

Rediscovering Connection at 14,000 ft.

Our beautiful home state of Colorado has 58 mountain peaks above 14,000 feet. Their magnificent rocky peaks peer out above the treeline, calling out and challenging hundreds of people to make an ascent to their summit year-round.

For most people, climbing a 14er is a symbolic accomplishment of strength and fortitude. For others, it is a bucket list item. While some even consider it a right of passage to live in our state, but I don’t really think that is theirs to judge.

Last week, after months of Coronavirus lockdowns, isolation, and some impatience, a few of my Leadership Denver Classmates and I decided it was time to get our groove on. Our minds and bodies craved an adventure. It was time to venture out and climb a 14er.

As we gathered really early in the brisk morning mountain air, it was a bit hazy from the wildfires nearby. The smoke was hovering in the valley below the peak in which we were going to climb. In addition to being outfitted in our best hiking gear, we were all equipped with a new piece of outdoor equipment, the facemask.

As we hiked single-file up the mountain, I was able to get caught up with the person directly in front and behind me. I got the latest scoop on plans for the school year, gym openings, small business challenges, the upcoming election, and roles in social impact causes.

So I did think we were going in costume, a bit of a misunderstanding. Therefore the hat.

Of course, we offset the heaviness with dad jokes, fart jokes, inside jokes, and some teasing when someone had to scurry off the trail to tinkle. After taking a break to catch our breath and rest our legs, we would start heading up the trail again. However, our order had changed and I now had a different person in front and in back of me allowing for more wonderful conversations to take place. Dang, I missed these guys (and gals).

The joy of summiting never gets old. We had some first-timers to share what it felt like to be on top of the world. Although hiking is an individual activity, it sure felt like we were a team. It’s such a unifying experience.

Our conversations on the way down the mountain seemed to be lighter. There is probably something to that with the anxiety of reaching the top of the mountain behind us. Maybe it’s mental. But we had to stay on our toes because going down seems to cause more discomfort and injuries than going up. (Especially after you have a Home Alone style wipeout on your daughter’s skateboard at 4:00 in the morning).

So in reflecting back on the hike (or as my classmate corrected me, the climb), the insight for me is simple. I needed this!

I needed to feel a connection beyond the web calls, phone calls, and e-mails.
I needed an outdoor adventure.
I needed a challenge.
I needed to be uncomfortable.
I needed the feeling of accomplishment.
I needed camaraderie.
I needed to laugh.
I needed my friends.
I needed 14,000 ft.

You know… that feeling when you are at the very top!
Mt. Bierstadt , Colorado (14,060 ft.)

It’s not just the things in your pantry that are perishable

Six months ago, if I would have asked you what is perishable vs. non-perishable, you probably would have thought back to what you had put in a sack for the local food drive. You may have thought of canned soups, top ramen, and tuna fish.

Then bang! A ‘novel’ virus hits the world and we are finding ourselves in unprecedented modern times and under stay-at-home orders by our Governors. We end up watching more press conferences than we wanted to in a lifetime to understand the latest measures to protect our communities.

So many of us work in industries (and education) based on services, in-person commerce, and human contact. Mothers and fathers are scrambling as their livelihood was turned upside down in a matter of weeks. The grocery store shelves of those non-perishable and affordable items were gobbled up quickly. We hunkered down in fear for the unknown ahead.

It feels like our focus has been on the non-perishable and how are we going to sustain ourselves and our family through this crisis.

At this point, I realize anyone reading this blog already knows this. But what I to highlight, is the shift in perspective to focus on the perishable moments and opportunities right in front of us.

We are extremely fortunate (and very grateful) for the opportunity to work from home. But like many, Katie and I are navigating how to be productive at work and support our young girls.

This past week as the weather warmed up, our 3-year-old daughter Addie couldn’t wait until work was over so we could go out on the swing. I mean, it doesn’t get much simpler in life than sitting on a swing, but the joy she is able to derive out of it is amazing. I also realized that this is was a perishable moment.

Addie taught dad a lesson on taking in some of our perishable moments!

Katie pointed out the other day that this is an amazing amount of time that we are getting with our kids that we wouldn’t have otherwise had together. So now we are consciously trying to practice a bit more savoring of our time together and take in these moments.

So are there any perishable opportunities that you focus on during this time?

Be more present with your family?
Deepen a connection with anyone?
Learn something new?
Have that difficult conversation that you have been avoiding?
Volunteer to help others in need when you could never find the time before?
Can you ask for help?

I know that the last question that I raised above is difficult for many in my circles. There is so much pride at stake. But being vulnerable takes practice, and there isn’t a safer environment than now to give it shot.

Anyway, whether or not you celebrate Easter today, are in the midst of Passover, or it’s just another Sunday. Maybe today is a good time to let yourself feel that gratitude, provide that grace, or just give yourself a break. Most of all, is this an opportunity to deepen the connection with others and be present for the perishable moments in front of you.

P.S. Guys, I did hear from a few women that they were not sure why ex-boyfriends felt like they needed to reach out during this time and didn’t seem amused. So maybe don’t do that.

Maybe you need some heavy metal during these heavy times

So the last few weeks have been very heavy as the whole world reacts to COVID-19. This virus impacts everyone worldwide and it really feels like we still don’t know the long-term consequences. Lives are being changed on a daily basis.

It’s been weighing on a lot of us and for me, it sort of sucked out a lot of energy while scrambling throughout the day to adjust to home quarantines, school cancellations, worrying about family members, and spending way too much time up at night watching the various newscasts.

However, I received some insight during a virtual happy hour yesterday with our Leadership Denver coaching group led by Margie Thirlby. We explored resilience and through an exercise, I discovered that my creativity trait has really been running on empty.

As I continued to reflect last night, I began to feel that it isn’t just creativity that is missing. I’ve stopped working out, I’m not as present as a husband and father that I want to be, and I’ve engaged less with my pods. I’ve been a bit frazzled and dreading the impact this is having on so many people.

So when I woke up early this morning wanting to change my attitude and to get some of that creativity flowing again. I turned on some tunes and started writing this blog. In some circles, I could be considered a Boy Scout and get labeled as a prude (probably deservedly so), but I do love myself some good hard rock music. Most of my tunes are generational and old school, like Metallica, Rage Against the Machine, and artists that were on KBPI in the late ’90s.

I suppose various types of music would work, but here are the reasons why I like to rock out a bit to the heavier stuff.

It gets me moving: Beats and riffs that you can’t just sit still and listen to in a chair. I’m usually inspired to go workout, start tackling big projects, get organized or even clean the house (one reason why Katie lets me jam out sometimes).
It focuses me on the future: For me, my mind always goes to my future-self rather than dwelling on the past when I jam out to the hard stuff. I think more strategically and begin envisioning what could be. I think this started when I use to run back in high school to make weight for wrestling.
It’s rooted in themes of resilience: Although I don’t understand most of the words in the music, I get a sense of resilience and mental toughness through it. For me, it’s usually not the lyrics, but the instrumentals that give me energy.
It releases tension: This may seem counter-intuitive, but I think it is a channel to let out my anxiety, anger, and other emotions.

My go-to band during times when I want to manufacture momentum is the band Tool. I was a bit curious about why this morning and I made some interesting observations. I correlated the Tool album release dates with what was going on in my life during that time.

Undertow (1993): I was going through puberty. Enough said.
Ænima (1996): I was a freshman in college and figuring out the man that I wanted to be. I was active 18-20 hours a day and didn’t sleep much. Heavy Metal helped.
Lateralus (2001): This was the time of the dot-com bubble bursting and my first taste of a recession while in the workforce. It was my first experience with friends losing their jobs and dealing with uncertainty. Ohh and then there was 9/11.
10,000 Days (2006): An album that I listened to a ton while working on major projects to stay busy throughout the Financial Crisis of 2007-2008 and beyond. It was a time in my life when I struggled to find resiliency and was initiating the transition from being work-centered to a desire to be more family-centered. It wasn’t until today, that I discovered the album title is referring to roughly the period of time it takes Saturn to orbit around the sun. Tool’s lead singer said this about the origin of the album title:

“That’s the time in your 28th, 29th year when you have presented the opportunity to transform from whatever your hang-ups were before to let the light of knowledge and experience lighten your load, so to speak, and let go of old patterns and embrace a new life,”
Maynard James Keenan ( Source)

I was 29 in 2006. I was definitely enlighted in the years following and going through a transition that definitely didn’t happen overnight. However, the best thing that came out of that period for me has been the insight to see when others are going through it, remembering the way I felt, and offering ways to help.

Fear Inoculum (2019): After a long hiatus tool released this album, (about the same amount of time we had a bull market and thriving economy). Not until today, did I know that the definition of inoculum is a substance introduced into the body to create or increase the body’s resistance or immunity to a disease. Prophetic or not, that is about a freaky as Disney quarantining Rapunzel to a tower in the movie ‘Tangled’, set in the Kingdom of Corona.

So if you see a Half-Italian / Half-Lebanese guy running through the neighborhood with headphones on. It’s just me getting some heavy metal in my day to get through these heavy times.

Also, if you need someone to jam out with, let me know and we’ll get through this together. The girls will always be willing to put on a show.

The girls are also discovering the joy of a good jam!

Who’s teaching who? Lessons from kindergarten on showing up at work

This is Maggie’s first year in Kindergarten and Addie is attending preschool in the same building. Katie has to be at her own school in the morning and I get the awesome privilege to drop the girls off at school before heading out to work.

This was a bit stressful for me. First of all, I have been work-centered for so many years and tended to prioritize work commitments over everything else. So this is a big paradigm shift for this brain of mine. It’s also quite a commute to my client site from our neighborhood. So I show up later now than I used to, and it still feels a bit awkward. The morning is well underway by the time I get there and I don’t have the time to get settled and organized before all the meetings start for the day. I feel rushed and a little bit disheveled.

However, throughout the month of September, I found myself enjoying drop off more and more and owning up to it. I’m focusing less on the hustle and bustle of it all, especially how it is impacting me at work, and just taking it in with the family.

Katie, the girls, and their amazing teachers are demonstrating important lessons and providing insights every morning to help me be at my best. I took a step back and reflected on school drop off duty. I think that I can apply these lessons to help me show up better at work.

Here are a few of the insights I have learned so far:

Be Present and Keep Perspective: It’s not lost on me that there is a short window of time when the girls will want to ride to school singing about ‘who stole the cookie from the cookie jar’ and playing ‘eye spy’. I’m pretty sure that I’ll remember these moments a lot longer than I’ll remember whatever my response to that urgent e-mail will be sitting in my inbox. Today only happens once and it takes effort to keep perspective. Some people figure out what matters most through life-changing events. I just wish it didn’t always have to come from something like that.

Mindset Matters: I notice that the girls have a new attitude every day. They don’t carry things with them from the previous day and are very quick to let things go. They’re excited to learn and have an appreciation for their new school experience on a daily basis. What if I focused less on the everyday grind and more about the opportunity to learn something new? Get to know someone a layer deeper? Choose to bring a positive attitude to the office every morning? (I also can’t wait to read this in 10 years when they are teenagers to see if the paragraph above still resonates. It should, but…)

Pre-plan the Night Before: First of all, this insight has the word ‘plan’ in it, so it clearly the one that Katie implemented, not me. It makes a big difference! Katie gets the girl’s clothes laid out and ready to go (sometimes after a pretty intense negotiation with Maggie on what she is going to wear), which saves us all-time in the morning. I’m also trying to apply this one in the workplace and close out the day with the plan for the next day. It helps me start with the highest priority the next morning. (at least some of the time… see the comment above about the urgent e-mail in the inbox).

Routines Rule: Successful school drop off relies on our morning routine and staying on schedule. We’ve figured out that leaving the house 2 minutes late is the difference from a steady stroll up to the classroom door vs. racing to the door before it is shut behind the teacher. (I still haven’t had to do a late check-in at the office, which is my ultimate measure of success. However, I have forgotten the lunch box and I am very thankful for the hot lunch option.) I’m sure there are more routines that I can implement in my work life to be more productive and help stay on schedule. Lord knows my boss would like that.

You Can Eat Breakfast Too: We ensure the girls have enough time to eat a good breakfast before heading to school. (Full disclosure, this doesn’t go perfectly every morning and yes, we sometimes have the containers in the car or something less desirable like a breakfast bar.) Anyway, for all of these years, why did I think it was ok to head out to work without breakfast? I’m noticing a big difference in how I feel throughout the day when I eat in the morning. A decent breakfast, not like the 430 calories in a grande white chocolate mocha. I went through that phase a few years back… one of those and I wasn’t hungry until 2:00.

How We Greet Each Other: The teachers come outside every morning smiling, with high energy, and are very welcoming. They are keenly aware that how they show up impacts how the kids respond. Of course, they have a ton going on in their own personal and professional lives, but the kids would never know it. They put the anxious ones at ease and get all of them excited for the day. This is why small talk has an important place in the workplace. This is where relationships start and build into a foundation. It’s not only about first impressions, but repeated daily interactions with those you work with the closest. It has me thinking about how I can bring more positivity into how I show up at work? How can I create a better environment for me and my co-workers?

Maggie was welcomed with open arms on her first day of school. She has been excited to go ever since.

Give Yourself a Break: Life is busy and stuff happens. Alarms don’t go off, clothes suddenly don’t fit, breakfast burns, the car is super low on gas, traffic is worse than normal, you spill your coffee on your white shirt, your phone is dead, you forget something, … We all have so much going on and we have a stack of ‘if only’s’. Take 3 breaths, think about something to be grateful for, don’t try and make excuses, and give yourself a break.

Overall, school drop off has been going pretty well. However, check-in with me in a couple of weeks. Katie is out of town for back-to-back conferences, so I’ll be flying solo and I am sure that I’ll learn some new lessons. She is the nucleus of our family and does an incredible job running our household. I’m pretty sure the girls will see the fear in my eyes and step up to help as well.

And this is just Kindergarten!

Dude… am I a complainer?

I was driving down I-25 jamming out to Alt Nation on Sirus XM and the song Complainer, by Cold War Kids came on the radio. I’ve heard it a few times already and enjoy the tune, but this time I let the lyrics sink in a bit.

You say you want to change this world
Well, do you really believe in magic?
But you can only change yourself
Don’t sit around and complain about it
Now you’re out on your own, don’t know where you belong
Don’t sit around and complain about it
You say you want to change this world
Don’t sit around and complain about it
Cold War Kids, Complainer

A number of thoughts entered my mind. Initially on our macro society (It really feels like we have taken complaining to a new level over the past couple of years… It’s so noisy.) But most of all, I started reflecting on some very personal moments. I began asking myself, am I a complainer?

I’ve always thought of myself as a ‘just do it’ person. I have a lot of pride, strive for personal accountability, and try to rally people around me by being positive. But, I can also complain like the best out there, even when I have the best intentions. Lately, I have been much more aware of catching myself complaining (at home and at work) and trying to shift that energy into action.

Complaining is probably one of the most common ways that most of us mix pods. Especially when it comes to complaining about work at home. It is also the most unproductive time we spend in our day. Think about all the time we would get back in our lives if we were not complaining about work (and the amount of time we would save our families because frankly, they aren’t really that interested in our complaints anyway).

So here are 3 insights that I’ve been thinking about lately whenever the song gets in my head. I thought that I would share them to see if it helps us all complain a little less so that we can get on with changing the world.

Identify the PERSONAL source of the complaints

When I find myself complaining, it’s usually because there is something personal at the root of it. Almost every time.

Do I want to improve something?
Do I want to be heard?
Do I want to be included? (maybe I’m feeling left out?)
Do I genuinely want to see change?
Do I want to feel empowered?
Do I want to be inspired?
Do I know the WIFM (What’s in it for me)?
Am I competitive and want to win?
Am I not part of the decision-making process?
Am I taking myself way too seriously?

For so long I’ve struggled with telling myself that it is not personal, it’s just business. Well, then why am I so passionate about things? Why are some of these things so hard to let go? Phil Knight summed it up well in his memoir, Shoe Dog.

“It’s never just business. It never will be. If it ever does become just business, that will mean that business is very bad.”
Phil Knight, Shoe Dog

Once I’m able to identify why something has become so personal, I’m able to shift the mindset from complaining to objectively problem-solving. I start seeing the big picture.

Have empathy, but don’t forget the context

A few years back, my Gallup Strengths Finder had empathy as my #1 strength. I think it was during a time when I was flexing my empathy muscle a lot, but maybe too hard. I was starting to take on every gripe that others had as my own and carried it up to the chain of command. I was trying to model the Tom Hanks character, Captain Miller in the scene in Saving Private Ryan. “That gripes go up, not down”.

I have now learned that you need to be selective about which gripes you are going to take up, and how often. There was a phase in my career when I was trying to influence a change in the organization by just saying things louder and on repeat. I then received some very direct feedback, that “I always tend to frame things in the negative.” Well poop, that wasn’t how I intended to show up. All the behind the scenes cheerleading I did with the team wasn’t recognized by my boss because to him, all I did was bring complaints.

I also didn’t balance all that empathy with everyone involved, including those that I was trying to influence. I didn’t get in tune with the context of the environment or take into consideration the thousands of inputs taking place outside of my perspective.

It’s easy to forget to have empathy for the people that we are trying to influence and change. Whether it’s a boss, a spouse, a co-worker, aging parents, a friend, or sibling. Sometimes we forget to step into their shoes, to understand their goals, risks, and most importantly, their fears. They deserve our empathy as well.

You don’t have to win the conversation, just be clear on what we are solving for

We focus a lot on who is wrong and who is right. But we spend most of our time justifying our actions in order to make ourselves feel better. We want to have the last word to make sure the conversation ends on our terms.

Ohh and by the way, nothing is ever black and white. Big issues are complex, they have a lot at stake, and a ton of considerations. We get so wrapped up in trying to sell our side of the story that we lose sight of basic problem statements. What are we solving for?

If we gave our mind and our mouth a few moments to breath, we would see that we are so busy trying to be right that we are missing an opportunity to listen and get more information. A moment to refocus on the problem that we are trying to solve.

Anyway, I’m sure a few more insights will surface on this one and I hope to catch myself when I get into complainer mode and think about what’s truly behind it. Then shift into a positive and productive mindset to get busy on the steps that make progress on solving the problem.

I’m not totally sure how I can or will change the world, but I do know that I just don’t want to sit around and complain about it!

Addie didn’t know how to articulate it, but she definitely was complaining inside having to pose for this picture.

Celebrating 80 years, gaining insights for the next 40

This past July, we celebrated my dad’s 80th birthday. My mom and siblings organized a big party in the backyard of the home my parents have lived in for almost 50 years. It was great to see such a great turnout of family and friends from across the country and down the street. I got to see folks from all my dad’s pods over the years.

It’s also hard to believe that he has already reached this milestone (and comes with the realization that I’m 42). Our daughter Addie won’t be 3 until this September, so there is nearly a 78-year gap in the birth years across our 3 generations.

The ability to do selfie’s changed in the last 80 years, but the birthday hat is timeless.

It totally blows my mind to think about the amount of change that has occurred during the past 80 years of my father’s lifetime. I have always been fascinated by it, so I thought that I would plot some things out to share some perspective.

Pre-K (Ken)

In the 60 or so years before my dad was born, we had some of the worlds greatest inventions and difficult times. Seriously, only 60 years!

1876 – The telephone (not the one in your pocket)
1878 – The lightbulb
1886 – The automobile
1929 – 1939 – The Great Depression

Over the past 80 years (POST-k)

My dad grew up in the post-WWII era, which saw the country come out of the depression and change the way we live and work.

1939 – The start of WWII
1940 – FM Radio
1950s – TV goes mainstream
1954 – The 4-minute mile
1954 – The Microwave oven
1955-1975 – Vietnam War
1958 – The commercial jet
1961 – First man in space
1962 – Child car seats are introduced
1970 – Introduction of Monday Night Football
1973 – The first cell phone
1974 – The first Rush album
1974 – The barcode
1975 – The concept of global warming is introduced

Then there is the stuff since I was born

1977 – The personal computer
1978 – The Mountain Bike
1979 – The Sony Walkman
1981 – MTV airs
1984 – Van Halen’s 1984 album
1989 – The Worldwide Web
1989 – Nintendo
1991 – End of the Cold War
1998 – International Space Station
2001 – Katie & Tony tied the knot (and Colorado Avalanche won the cup)
2001 – 9/11
2002 – The Bachelor
2004 – Facebook
2005 – Commercialization of GPS
2005 – Amazon Prime
2007 – iPhone launch
2014 – Alexa
2014 – Our Daughter Maggie
2016 – Our Daughter Addie
2018 – Mixing Pods Blog is launched (thanks for reading!)

The insights for the next 40 years.

There is a lot to reflect on after an event like this, some things very personal. But I did want to share some of the insights that I have been pondering.

The only thing constant is change. Apparently, this quote comes from the Greek philosopher Heraclitus of Ephesus, who lived from (535 BC – 475 BC). He must have been a pretty smart dude because he sure did nail it. The pace of technology and change can be scary these days and will only get faster. But look up above, I sure there was fear and angst about using a microwave in your house in 1954 and they thought no one would ever break the 4-minute mile. Music genres have changed, allies and enemies have changed, and the way we view the post-industrial world has changed.

Somethings are timeless. Spending quality time with your family, walking your dog, going for a run (or walk), listening to music. These things will always be available to keep us grounded. Speaking of being grounded, drinking coffee has been around since at least the 16th century. Some of us practice yoga, which has been a thing since 3000 B.C. So in the midst of all this change, make sure to keep some of the timeless classics in your life.

Life is short! and long! It is amazing how fast the days, months, and years seem to go. It’s a daily realization in our house with the kids growing up so fast. But then when you look at a timeline like the one above, you realize how much has happened in your life since the 2nd grade when you were on the swings at the playground, singing Jump and Panama from Van Halen’s 1984 album. (My first tape cassette)

It’s all just mixing pods over time. So in a few weeks, I’m sure that I’ll be walking the dog in the neighborhood, checking fantasy football scores on an iPhone over a wireless network, to see how I am doing with wagers amongst my friends. Kind of like when they launched controlled gambling in Venice Italy in 1638. Some things change, yet stay the same.

Well, I guess it’s time to start planning my mom’s 80th next year!

P.S. I wouldn’t recommend using this blog as a factual reference, these dates came from a number of sources on the internet. Some may be legit, others…

Mixing pods for a cause!

During the last weekend in June, I joined my company’s team (The Perficient Peddlers) to participate in the Bike MS Colorado event to fundraise for those impacted by Multiple Sclerosis.

While cycling across the roads of northern Colorado for over 150 miles, so many things came to mind. In this blog, I thought I would share some of the insights that I’ve been reflecting on since the ride, while also sharing a bit about the event and MS. (Consider it a personal PSA – Public Service Announcement)

Here is some background information from the MS Society and Bike MS websites.

Multiple sclerosis (MS) is an unpredictable, often disabling disease of the central nervous system that disrupts the flow of information within the brain, and between the brain and body. (Here is a quick video on What is MS – National MS Society)
Bike MS is the largest fundraising bike series in the world. Each year, nearly 75,000 cyclists and more than 6,000 teams ride together to change the world for people with MS.
Bike MS is the fundraising cycling series of the National MS Society and raises more money than any other cycling event for any other cause. To date, Bike MS cyclists, volunteers, and donors have raised more than $1.3 billion to stop MS in its tracks, restore what’s been lost, and end MS forever.

I learned on the ride that the Colorado event is currently the third largest Bike MS event and it happens to start and finish a block from my neighborhood.

For years, I would watch the teams mobilize and gather early on Saturday morning. Energy and excitement run high as the music plays, team names are announced, and they head out on the road and make the trek up to Fort Collins.

Then on Sunday afternoon, the riders come in for the finish. It’s usually a warm afternoon in June and the final incline of the ride is at the corner of our neighborhood. I would get a first-hand look at the grit, tenacity, and varying level of experience (and conditioning) of the riders. Some are smiling, others are not. They are just minutes from the end of their 150+ mile ride.

One of my coworkers coming in for the finish

So it has been on my bucket list to participate in the event and I decided this was the year to join the ride. I am so glad that I did and when I look back on the experience, there are a few insights that come to mind.

It’s supposed to be challenging: These events are built to challenge your mind and body so that you can have an appreciation for those that struggle with diseases like this. My father is dealing with Parkinson’s disease, another progressive nervous system disorder that affects movement and has changed his lifestyle in the past few years. These diseases don’t just impact a person physically, but it impacts the mind and takes a toll on their confidence and overall worldview.

It’s not that hard to unify around the right causes: Diseases like this don’t target political affiliations, corporations, or any other category we tend to put ourselves in. MS impacts people across ages, genders, and ethnicities. This came to mind while riding amongst a diverse group of people wearing all sorts of jerseys representing different companies and organized groups. There were oil and gas companies like Anadarko and Noble Energy peddling next to NREL (National Renewable Energy Laboratory). I also noticed Johns Mansville, Ball Corporation, Left Hand Brewery, Charles Schwab, and Anthem Blue Cross and Blue Shield. It seemed like I was always behind someone that was part of Patty’s Pack, Meatfight.com, or Crank for a Cure. No matter what brands we represented on our backs, there was no doubt about what we were all riding for.

Don’t forget the supporting cast: When you think about events like this, you picture the thousands of cyclists and active participants. However, this was a well-supported ride with volunteers providing food and beverages along the course to ensure us non-elite athletes could make it through. There were volunteers directing traffic, fixing flats, and providing bicycle maintenance at the stops and on the course. Sponsors giving away free goods and it was a well run and organized event and the support was amazing. Those struggling with diseases like this also rely greatly on their supporting cast. The disease impacts the lives of everyone around them.

Mixing pods raises the most money: I was cycling next to co-workers, friends, and strangers. When I made my request for fundraising support, I tapped into each of my pods and that helped me meet the fundraising goal. It wasn’t just a work thing or a personal thing. We are all a part of multiple pods, so don’t be afraid to mix them to get the maximum value in whatever you are doing.

Spend the money on high-quality bike shorts: Fortunately, I learned this lesson before this event. There are some things that it’s ok to go with a cheap alternative. However, bike shorts is not one of them.

Gratitude and Attitude: Most of all, I’m grateful for the ability and capability to participate in events like this. There are a lot of people suffering in this world and just the ability to put on a bike helmet (and those shorts I just mentioned above) is something to be grateful. Something so simple like riding a bike can influence my attitude and perspective on how lucky many of us are. It was a reminder not to take anything for granted.

I’m looking forward to a few more events this summer to support other causes including, Run the Rocks to support the American Lung Association and the Denver Broncos 7K to support the National Sports Center for the Disabled.

Maybe I’ll see you there, or somewhere.