@family – Mixing Pods

“Hey Dad, What’s Up?”

That was our typical greeting. An open-ended question. Most of the time I think he was curious, but sometimes I think he wanted to help solve a problem. There was plenty of both over the years.

Since I am the baby of the family with a large ‘afterthought’ gap between my siblings, so many of my memories of my dad are from when he was in his 50s, 60s, and 70s.

In writing up a eulogy for his vigil earlier this month, I just kept reflecting on the various conversations and experiences over our lifetimes. As a kid, they were very active and later in life centered around conversations and answering the question ‘what’s up?’

In the Garden

I’m pretty sure my dad would keep voting in favor of daylight savings time. I remember him being in the garden until at least 8 or 9 p.m. throughout the summer, while I jumped on the trampoline asking him to check out my tricks.

As a young kid, I asked for a red wagon for Christmas. I’m really not sure if it was really my idea or part of his master plan. Because once I got it, I had to haul vegetables to all the neighbors in the fall. This wasn’t your typical suburban garden, it was huge and included all the vegetables that you can find in your local produce section in the store. You disappear on the corn husks like in a scene from Field of Dreams.

In the Kitchen

He loved to cook, making it up based on what he had available. He always cooked from scratch and nothing went to waste in the house. (He would remind us of his humble roots and be grateful for the food on the table.) We always had leftovers… which were either combined with something else for the meal the following day or in a Tupperware container in the fridge. I could always count on my friend Ryan Fowler to come over and eat the leftovers.

On Boy Scout outings with Glasser and Doug, after long days of adventure, he would make his famous peach cobbler in a Dutch oven over the hot coals once the fire had burned down. It was an awesome way to end your night camping and one of those tastes that can’t be replicated.

Gatherings

Our house was kind of like Grand Central station. My mom always said it was ok for my friends would come over. We would be hanging out, Austin napping on the couch after a long day’s work and my Dad would bring down some sort of crazy snack… while busting Jensen’s chops for leaking oil on the driveway.

During wrestling season, he would come to the matches with cayenne pepper popcorn to share with the Fitts family. He also knew Derrick and I were cutting weight so he would offer us a sandwich. We would say no, but then he would cut it in fourths so it didn’t look like much. You always ended up eating the whole thing, just in smaller bites after some resistance. He also made these amazing oatmeal, peanut butter, and chocolate bars. However, when I asked for them outside of the season, he replied ‘no way’. That they were way too fattening and he would gain weight.

Growing up and getting old. Sharing lots of meaningful moments over a lifetime.

Skiing and Golfing

Dad retired from CDOT when I was in high school and worked in the private sector some beyond that. I remember the day I called and he told me that work was getting in the way of his skiing and golfing.

He would call me at about 1:30 in the afternoon on a Tuesday or Wednesday throughout the winter. Hey, what’s up? He would ask. I’d reply with my annoyed (but not really annoyed) response of that of course I was working. He’d then tell me about the ski day at Loveland Basin. The snow conditions, how many runs he did, and which runs were the best. He loved his over 70-years-od, weekday-only ski pass. No one would be on the slopes. He would show up at 10:00 a.m. and be done by 1:00 p.m. Sometimes he could get 9 holes of golf in on the same day.

Embracing Technology

In the early 2000s, he became pretty computer savvy. I think his favorite thing about the internet was watching interactive weather maps across the world. He would compare how much rain he got in his rain gauge at the house with the rest of the city in real-time. He would always see how much snow the ski areas got on snowy days. Sometimes when I called, I would get the entire 5-day forecast (or a question about how to get the printer working again, or get digital camera photos to download, or get rid of a pop-up browser that wouldn’t go away).

However, he never really embraced the cell phone. He had one briefly, but it was used for outbound calls only. He would call you, leave a message, and then turn his phone off. I really don’t think he liked the idea of being that connected when he rather be enjoying the outdoors. There is probably a lesson for all of us here these days.

Caring

One day I called home when was in college and when he asked, ‘what’s up?’ I responded with, ‘The usual’. He then responded with ‘Ohh no what happened?’ The background is that I had a history of freak accidents (bonfire burns, car accidents, wounds needing stitches, being in a truck going off a cliff coming out of a car wash). He used to tell me that I had 9 lives and would sometimes count and recap the big accidents. I think he had them listed in a notebook.

But that’s the funny thing about dad. He would really get on you for the little things… like if you weren’t paying attention, or if you were half-assing something. But he was calm under pressure and when you were freaking out about the big things. At the end of the day, he was caring and supportive. Maybe it was after all of Steve’s broken bones or Karen’s crazy accidents. They broke him in. I had it pretty easy.

He also sort of had a sixth sense about trouble. Like the time he didn’t like the idea of my friends and I going up to Winter Park during spring break one year. The trip ended with us in a 22-car pileup on I-70. When you were scared or needed help, that is when his compassionate side came out. He stayed calm, logical, and matter-of-fact. You knew who you had to call when you were in trouble.

Authentic

My dad was known for being direct. I honestly don’t really recall any times that he waffled on opinions, or left things in doubt. To this day I find one of my core values is authenticity and I think that comes from my dad. He always showed up authentically. I honestly don’t think he knew how to do it any other way.

Same Side of the Table

My birds and the bees discussion occurred on a chair lift at Loveland. I had nowhere to go, just us, one-on-one. However, in a couple of minutes, we were going to be off the lift and skiing down the mountain, only to pick up a totally different conversation on the next chair. It was a genius approach. Thinking back, there were a lot of side-by-side conversations. Like hiking through the wilderness with 40-50 lbs backpacks or taking long drives and road trips. That was his approach when trying to connect with others.

Active and Engaged

My mom and dad were very active in our lives. For me, it was Panther football and baseball with Jamie, Scouts with Glasser and Doug, wrestling matches, trips up to CSU, or just hanging out at the house with the crew. Katie and I played in an adult ice hockey league and our games were late on Friday and Saturday nights. They would still drive up from Littleton to watch our games, but mostly to watch the girls when they came around. Our games really didn’t have that much action, but it was something to do and they had fun (except for the time my dad got hit in the face with an errant puck and lost a tooth). My 30-50-year-old teammates got a kick out of my parent’s still coming to rec. sports.

Vulnerable

As he battled Parkinson’s, he let his vulnerability show. He had to let the skiing, golfing, gardening, and driving go. He had to relinquish balancing the checkbook and scheduling car maintenance. He didn’t resist. He was logical. He did it with grace.

He still wanted to know what was up but had fewer stories about what he was able to do. The shared experiences were all told ton the past tense, but the long-term memories will not be forgotten.

Curiosity and Wonder

This past year or so, you could hear him wondering aloud about things and you would try and decipher them. You got a glimpse into his curious mind and longing for learning.

Are you thinking about the roads you designed?
Are you thinking about a family trip to Mississippi or Illinois?
Are you thinking about what to plant?
Are you making up a recipe for the veggies growing in the garden?
Are you thinking about baking a pie?

Thanks to my friend Jensen for taking the photo that we really think captures dad’s curiosity and wonder

Strength and Preparation

As we said goodbye to him last week, I don’t think that I will ever forget my mom telling him that it was ok to go. That he helped make her so strong and that she will be just fine with us by her side. She’s right, she is so strong and one tough cookie.

One of the last smiles that I got out of my dad was while we were watching a bronco game this season. I asked if he remembered mom yelling loudly at the Bronco games when they had season tickets. He looked at me with a grin and gave an affirming nod. One of his favorite stories to tell was how my mom would really give John Elway the business.

Keeping His Spirit with Me

So now as I go on moonlit walks around the neighborhood or hikes in the Rocky Mountains, I’ll probably look up to the sky and as ask, Hey dad, what’s up? It will give me a chance to think about all the good times we had. It will give me a chance to reflect if I am being the son he would want me.

Am I showing up authentically?
Am I helping take care of my mom and staying connected with my family?
Am I living up to my promise to be an engaged and supportive husband and father?
Am I being a good friend?

Maybe I’ll just listen to his advice on how to help solve my problems. He was really good at it!

I love you, dad, and we miss you.

How asking for help drives connection

One of the most incredible opportunities to increase connection with others is by asking for help. Whether it is a big thing or a little thing, our deepest bonds are with those that we are engaged with during a time of need.

Before life on the internet, you used books like this

I started thinking about this while we were packing up my parent’s house of almost 50 years as they downsize to something more comfortable. We came across the Better Homes & Gardens Handyman’s book, published in 1951. This gem has all sorts of awesome stuff and before Google and YouTube, this was the household resource for home repairs. (This also must have been where all that ‘dad’ knowledge came from… no wonder I never found it before.)

So why is it so hard to ask for help?

I’m sure there are many psychology papers written on it and that it’s rooted in fear of others thinking we are weak, incompetent, or just not smart. We constantly compare ourselves to others, especially our peers. There are probably some innate and learned behaviors involved.

New experiences may require a little help to get started, but then become so fulfilling

Ok, I honestly have no clue, but I think it starts early. Our 5-year-old’s favorite phrases right now are, “I got it”, “I can do it myself” and “I know!”. I love her independence, but I also want to encourage her to explore new experiences and undergo challenges that may be difficult at first. To see the value that seeking help getting started is a good thing. That asking for help opens up our worldview.

Ohh, and I know there aren’t any 5-year-olds reading this blog. This insight is for my fellow adults that seem to have more difficulty asking for help than children. We are the ones that actually know that we don’t have everything figured out, but are most reluctant to ask for help. I chuckle every time I think back my mindset early on in life that things got easier the older you got.

Fostering Connection

What I do know, is that the deepest and most meaningful connections in my life are with those that have helped me in my most difficult times and vice versa. There is a bond that takes place when you allow your vulnerability to shine with another human being.

Best Friend Brene Brown says in her book Daring Greatly,

Because sharing appropriately, with boundaries, means sharing with people with whom we’ve’ developed relationships that can bear the weight of our story. The result of this mutually respectful vulnerability in increased connection, trust and engagement.
Brene Brown

So this does highlight the need to first build the base relationship with someone first. But once that relationship has been established, it is through helping each other that true connection deepens.

Some considerations when asking for help

Take Pride in asking for help

A simple mindset shift that asking for help is an opportunity rather than something to avoid goes a really long way in shaping how you show up with others. I still find myself holding back sometimes to let others know I went to a therapist for anxiety. (But when you can’t get out of bed in the morning… I think the ask for help turned out to be a good idea.) However, when I do share, the response from others (usually privately) is really heartwarming. Exhibiting pride rather than shame goes a really long way. (Ohh, and it is usually with my professional colleagues that it seems to have the greatest impact.)

Have you noticed your own reaction when someone, who you see as confident and strong, asks for help? If you’re like me, a sense of admiration and calm set in. It seems like strong leaders and enlightened individuals are the ones least afraid to seek help.

Ask more than once

For some of us, asking for help is extremely difficult. It takes a lot of courage, involves sweaty palms, and comes out in broken sentences. We get the courage to ask for help and unfortunately, sometimes we don’t get an immediate response. Or maybe there is an initial response, but then didn’t hear back. This can be extremely discouraging. But remember, we all live such busy, always-on, and distracted lives. It’s not to take away from how important your need is, but the person you are asking is also juggling their own needs. However, when you ask again, it puts it back to the top of the pile, and the person may have already started thinking about how to help in the background. Ask again, it’s ok.

face-to-face makes a difference

“I sent at text.” Maybe it’s generational, but when someone says this in response to how they asked for help, it drives me bonkers. I’m surprised at how many really important requests for help are sent through texts. Maybe it works, allowing time for the other person to process a response. However, I feel that the real connection comes through facial expressions, looking at each other eye-to-eye, the tone in our voices, and the follow-up questions. Asking for help is a gateway to increase overall engagement with someone. It can be the start of something really awesome.

It’s trial and error anyway

I’m starting to believe that most of the ‘experts’ are only 80% sure on how to do something anyway. They have enough experience and a foundation to get started and then learn through a real-time trial and error process. Next time you are engaging with an ‘expert’ on something, watch closely to see how the outcome unfolds. You will most likely notice they are figuring it out as they go. The insight here is to not dismiss your ability due to a lack of experience. Once you get help with the basics, you’ll also be able to figure it out too.

People actually want to help

So this blog focused on asking for help, but I’m a firm believer that people also really want to be the help others. Once the relationship and connection take hold, an eagerness to support each other grows. Once you get the bug, you just want to keep going. Helping others scratches that itch of being part of something bigger than ourselves.

I’ll leave you with a couple of simple questions:

Is there an area in your life that you could ask someone for help?
Most importantly, is there someone in your life you could offer to help?

Why is it so hard to ask for help?

3-42-80… and everything in-between

3-42-80. No, that is not my locker combination. Those are the ages of my youngest daughter, me, and my father. A span of 77 years across 3 generations and right now, I am trying to successfully navigate all of them.

There really isn’t a much better example of mixing pods. Balancing work and life (3 generations of it), while trying to achieve personal and professional goals. I’m striving to be an engaged husband and father, level up in my career, and ensure my parents are getting the support they need. Sometimes it feels like it’s a gravy train of transitions with one leading into the other and I never an opportunity to settle in. I’m starting to see why people gain weight in their 40s (don’t worry, my diet starts tomorrow).

This blog is about sharing insights and there are plenty of those to go around. Although, there are times that I have more questions than insights.

Parenting

Our girls are 3 and 5-years-old. These are super fun ages. Maggie has embraced learning to read, write, and do math in kindergarten. Addie is learning that you have to keep your hands and your lips to yourself in pre-school (no kissing in the playhouse!) It’s amazing to watch them learn so much about our world and remind us that there is nothing cooler than seeing things for the first time.

It also turns on the internal monologue and I start asking myself questions.

Am I staying present?
What is the right amount of discipline?
How do I not wind them up at night before bed? (It just happens)
How do we not coddle our kids and allow them to learn by trial and error?
Will I make it through ages 13 and 14? (Can’t wait to see those blogs!)
How do I ensure we have a lifelong relationship?

I learned from watching the Pixar movie, ‘Inside Out’, that there are core memories and I want to make them good ones. Looking back at some of my favorite core memories as a kid, they weren’t architected, they just happened.

Adulting

Parenting, working, husbanding, friending, mentoring, communitying… It seems like every day is jammed packed. I am so fortunate that Katie is an awesome partner and we continue to grow together, rather than apart as we approach 20 years of marriage. I attribute this to our support of each other across all of our pods. However, that doesn’t mean that I’m not constantly wondering,

Am I living up to my role as a husband?
Do I have more to contribute to my community?
Am I fostering important connections and friendships?
Am I living up to my potential professionally?
Am I actually being the leader that I desire to be?
How could I make a bigger impact?

Every day, it feels like I have to re-learn that time is our most valuable resource. (Yep, even at age 42). I’m grateful for the moments that I use time as an amazing asset. I can also get frustrated by my mismanagement of it, regretting the opportunity costs associated with some of my decisions. Prioritization should be easy… right? As explored in another blog about this time last year, is it over committing or under prioritizing?

Aging

We spend a lot of time and energy preparing for our golden years in the physical and financial sense. But I’ve realized there is a gap in how we prepare for the toll aging takes on our mentality. Giving up some of our most beloved activities like skiing and golfing, to more common daily activities like driving and yard work. We spend decades building up our confidence and ‘being the rock’, which makes it difficult when you can’t do the things that made you, you. My parents did an awesome job planning for their future over the years, but it definitely has me exploring new questions?

Am I showing the right amount of empathy?
What does this transition look like?
Am I ensuring enough time with their grandchildren?
Am I doing enough for our own retirement and post-retirement planning?
Am I carving out time for my siblings, in-laws, and extended family?
Do I really understand how fast time really goes?

I’m not trying to turn this blog into the song, Cat’s in the Cradle by Harry Chapin. However, I’m hoping that just like that song and others like it, it provides space to take stock of our priorities. (I apologize now for that song ringing in your head for the next 12 or so hours)

Ok… So maybe there are a few insights?

When I take a step back and look at 3-42-80, maybe it is a combination to unlocking great insights. Maybe this is where that whole wisdom vs. knowledge thing shows up in life.

Being present should never be understated
Knowing thyself is a lifelong journey
Life is complicated and gray, not black and white
If it feels like you are over-analyzing, you probably are
Don’t take yourself so seriously
Participate and contribute (not someday, today!)
Find your crew, tribe, and confidants

Honestly, none of these insights are new and have been shared for ages. It’s the application in our daily lives that makes them real. For me, 3-42-80 means that I can go from teaching ABCs to presenting to corporate executives, to discussing long-term care… all before 10:00 a.m.

It makes me laugh when I look back and thought that life got easier the older you got. Wisdom!

Willy Wonka and Insights Way Beyond the Chocolate

So we have been watching a lot of Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory in our house this year (The 1971 Gene Wilder Version). I didn’t think the old movie would hold the attention of a 2 and 4-year-old girls, but they loved it.

There are so many narratives in the story that are just as true today as they were over 50 years ago when Roald Dahl wrote Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

When I initially thought about writing this post, I was thinking about highlighting Willy Wonka’s true passion, innovation, and charisma. Asking you what would it look like if you could create and run your own dream world? How would you operate without the influence, rules, and norms that we put on ourselves?

I thought that it would be fun to highlight Willy Wonka’s cynicism and how he designed a process to slowly eliminate potential heirs to his chocolate factory by exposing how their misguided behaviors. The same behaviors that parents struggle with today, such as obesity, too much TV, spoiling with our kids with material items. (Of course, the Oompa Loompas are very clear in their songs that you can blame the “MOTHER & THE FATHER”.) The whole thing was designed to find a kid with a heart as pure as chocolate.

I wanted to write from the perspective of literally putting on Willy Wonka’s hat and exploring his world view.

Addie wanted to be Veruca Salt for Halloween because she has the singing parts in the movie. However, I was encouraged the other day when she had second thoughts because Veruca was mean.

But then yesterday, I spent the whole day with my Leadership Denver cohort diving deep into the poverty being experienced in our city today. It is clear that just like 50 years ago, we have kids like Charlie Bucket trying to live on cabbage water.

And just like Charlie, these kids have dreams (and so do their parents). They are searching for their Golden Tickets. But just like in the movie, it feels like there are so many more kids than tickets.

I also learned that going in and out of poverty in the United States is an ongoing journey that many people face throughout their lifetime. That drug addiction, sudden loss of income, and major health issues can quickly take someone (anyone) into poverty. We like to talk about it happening to ‘them’, but it is really an issue of ‘us’.

I have classmates that probably think that I still don’t get it. That in a way, I am still one of those spoiled kids that don’t know what it is like to be Charlie (or a non-white version of Charlie). Well, they are probably right! I’ve been thinking all week about how grateful I am for my grandparents and parents navigating their mobility from poverty into the middle class and beyond. That through hard work and opportunity, that they found their version of Golden Tickets.

So honestly, it feels like I may have a few more questions than insights:

What Golden Tickets do I have to offer?
What am I going to do to move the needle for more kids like Charlie?
How do I raise girls pure in heart and not act like Veruca Salt or Mike TV?
What does my ideal factory look like?
What do I want my legacy to be?

The movie ends with Charlie, Grandpa Joe, and Willy Wonka soaring above Nördlingen Germany in the Wonka-Vader (I believe in the book it is the Great Glass Elevator). We don’t know what Charlie did with Chocolate Factory after he inherited it. We don’t know if he took this great gift and made it something even better.

But I definitely have something churning like chocolate in my brain and in my heart. Right now, it feels like I’m on an expedition to discover purpose by building upon the great opportunities that I have been provided and the relationships that I have built. To find a way to make a bigger contribution and to have a greater impact.

So… about comfort zones?

I kicked off September on an overnight retreat with over 65 people in the Leadership Denver 2020 program. We are a class with varying backgrounds in business, non-profit, and civic roles across Denver. It’s sponsored by The Denver Metro Chamber Leadership Foundation, with the mission to educate and inspire people who want to make a difference as leaders in their community.

We are just starting to get to know each other and the retreat had it all. A long car ride with a carpool (or in our case, the ‘dad pool’), professional facilitators, small team breakouts, skits, a late night, and a legit ropes course.

I was super excited and those that know me well, know that I absolutely love these type of things. (Maybe I should have gone the camp counselor career path route).

These retreats are designed to push comfort zones.

Meeting new people
Speaking in front of a lot of people
Doing physical challenges
Dancing in front of others
Connecting with strangers
Sharing self-assessment results
Small talk
Not-so-small talk

So in sitting down to post this reflection, I learned that there is a Wikipedia page dedicated to defining the comfort zone, and it is simplified to 3 phycological states.

Comfort Zone
Optimal Performance Zone
Danger Zone

Note: Some of my classmates were talking a lot about the ‘freak out zone’, so I think there may be a fourth ring beyond the danger zone.

Insights and Takeaways

I was in my element, definitely hanging out in the comfort zone and optimal performance zone. However, I learned that not everyone shares my affection for these type of situations (at least at first… or maybe never for others). The first insight for me was that we don’t all have the same comfort zones. It wasn’t about me feeling comfortable, but how do I support others and meet them where they are.

Comfort zones have invisible boundaries. So when we are challenged to get out of our comfort zones, it’s difficult to know where our lines are drawn. We might not even know where our comfort zones begin and end until we are in the middle of an experience. (Although I think it is unanimous that 99% of people are uncomfortable with the ‘close talker’, and need at least an arms-length distance from someone when having a conversation). Anyway, the takeaway for me is to remember that others don’t know your comfort zone boundaries either. So let them know where you are, where you want to be, and then they can help you get there.

This is not on the test (in fact, there is no test). Seth Godin talks a lot about this. We have trained ourselves to want to know the right answers, many times before we even begin. We want to ensure we know the rules of engagement and how we will be measured for success before taking the leap. However, there is no right or wrong way to go through experiential learning. It’s just like life. You have to just be you, evaluate the results, and make adjustments.

Feeling pushed, but not shoved. I use this phrase a lot to describe how I like to be lead in my work life. It was also something that came to mind during the retreat. How do you push someone from their comfort zone into the optimal performance zone, without going to the danger zone (or “getting on the express lane to the freak out zone?”) At work, we talk a lot about how we stretch our employees to help them grow in their careers. We want to push people beyond their comfort zones, but ensure they are ready. Ensure we don’t promote someone too quickly and send them from a comfort zone right into the danger zone. If the person isn’t ready to jump, don’t be the one to shove them off the obstacle. Figure out where they are at and then go from there. When they are ready, they’ll jump.

Comfort zones change but never go away. I’ve mentioned to my friends that in my early 20’s, I honestly thought that life got easier the older that you got. That you figure life out and roll with it. (I know right… I am much wiser now!) Shifting in and out of comfort zones is part of life as we get exposed to new challenges and opportunities. In my career, I struggle with transitioning in and out of individual contributor and leadership positions. At home, as soon as I get comfortable, our daughters are moving into another growth stage and I’m working with Katie to stay mindful and not get overwhelmed. You never grow out of having comfort zones and you face them in all phases of life from childhood into the golden years.

So why do comfort zones matter?

Learning is uncomfortable
Leadership is uncomfortable
Facing challenges is uncomfortable
Letting others help you is uncomfortable
Not having answers is uncomfortable
The unknown is uncomfortable

I’m also learning that even though I may not have trouble speaking in front of a group, not exactly knowing what words I am going to say. Putting these blogs out there on the internet is definitely uncomfortable and stretching my comfort zone. So thanks for reading and I appreciate all of the support.

Celebrating 80 years, gaining insights for the next 40

This past July, we celebrated my dad’s 80th birthday. My mom and siblings organized a big party in the backyard of the home my parents have lived in for almost 50 years. It was great to see such a great turnout of family and friends from across the country and down the street. I got to see folks from all my dad’s pods over the years.

It’s also hard to believe that he has already reached this milestone (and comes with the realization that I’m 42). Our daughter Addie won’t be 3 until this September, so there is nearly a 78-year gap in the birth years across our 3 generations.

The ability to do selfie’s changed in the last 80 years, but the birthday hat is timeless.

It totally blows my mind to think about the amount of change that has occurred during the past 80 years of my father’s lifetime. I have always been fascinated by it, so I thought that I would plot some things out to share some perspective.

Pre-K (Ken)

In the 60 or so years before my dad was born, we had some of the worlds greatest inventions and difficult times. Seriously, only 60 years!

1876 – The telephone (not the one in your pocket)
1878 – The lightbulb
1886 – The automobile
1929 – 1939 – The Great Depression

Over the past 80 years (POST-k)

My dad grew up in the post-WWII era, which saw the country come out of the depression and change the way we live and work.

1939 – The start of WWII
1940 – FM Radio
1950s – TV goes mainstream
1954 – The 4-minute mile
1954 – The Microwave oven
1955-1975 – Vietnam War
1958 – The commercial jet
1961 – First man in space
1962 – Child car seats are introduced
1970 – Introduction of Monday Night Football
1973 – The first cell phone
1974 – The first Rush album
1974 – The barcode
1975 – The concept of global warming is introduced

Then there is the stuff since I was born

1977 – The personal computer
1978 – The Mountain Bike
1979 – The Sony Walkman
1981 – MTV airs
1984 – Van Halen’s 1984 album
1989 – The Worldwide Web
1989 – Nintendo
1991 – End of the Cold War
1998 – International Space Station
2001 – Katie & Tony tied the knot (and Colorado Avalanche won the cup)
2001 – 9/11
2002 – The Bachelor
2004 – Facebook
2005 – Commercialization of GPS
2005 – Amazon Prime
2007 – iPhone launch
2014 – Alexa
2014 – Our Daughter Maggie
2016 – Our Daughter Addie
2018 – Mixing Pods Blog is launched (thanks for reading!)

The insights for the next 40 years.

There is a lot to reflect on after an event like this, some things very personal. But I did want to share some of the insights that I have been pondering.

The only thing constant is change. Apparently, this quote comes from the Greek philosopher Heraclitus of Ephesus, who lived from (535 BC – 475 BC). He must have been a pretty smart dude because he sure did nail it. The pace of technology and change can be scary these days and will only get faster. But look up above, I sure there was fear and angst about using a microwave in your house in 1954 and they thought no one would ever break the 4-minute mile. Music genres have changed, allies and enemies have changed, and the way we view the post-industrial world has changed.

Somethings are timeless. Spending quality time with your family, walking your dog, going for a run (or walk), listening to music. These things will always be available to keep us grounded. Speaking of being grounded, drinking coffee has been around since at least the 16th century. Some of us practice yoga, which has been a thing since 3000 B.C. So in the midst of all this change, make sure to keep some of the timeless classics in your life.

Life is short! and long! It is amazing how fast the days, months, and years seem to go. It’s a daily realization in our house with the kids growing up so fast. But then when you look at a timeline like the one above, you realize how much has happened in your life since the 2nd grade when you were on the swings at the playground, singing Jump and Panama from Van Halen’s 1984 album. (My first tape cassette)

It’s all just mixing pods over time. So in a few weeks, I’m sure that I’ll be walking the dog in the neighborhood, checking fantasy football scores on an iPhone over a wireless network, to see how I am doing with wagers amongst my friends. Kind of like when they launched controlled gambling in Venice Italy in 1638. Some things change, yet stay the same.

Well, I guess it’s time to start planning my mom’s 80th next year!

P.S. I wouldn’t recommend using this blog as a factual reference, these dates came from a number of sources on the internet. Some may be legit, others…

The true power in unplugging!

We took a family vacation in the Colorado mountains earlier this month and I came back truly refreshed with a renewed energy and focus.

And with that introduction, you may be thinking “No duh! That’s the whole point, where have you been? And how is this insightful?”

Well, it’s kind of sad, but I really struggle with totally unplugging mentally from everything going on professionally while on vacation. I’m pretty terrible about taking a day off and based upon what I see and hear from others, I don’t think that I’m alone.

For some of us, it may be FOMO (fear of missing out), a deep-rooted need for accomplishment, or that we just enjoy the work we do. For me, it’s probably a bit of all three and may have started when I got all those perfect attendance awards in elementary school. (I really loved going to school.)

Anyway, I’ve been reflecting back on how I felt during the week that I unplugged here are my top 3 insights:

1) Get in the pool

One of the best places to be present is in a pool. (Especially with kids, and even more so if they can’t touch the bottom of the pool and still learning to swim). There is no ‘halfway’ paying attention. Chances are they are having a blast and so are you. The ‘here and now’ presence in the pool is powerful and provides a refuge from our busy days. The water forms a natural boundary and there is no quick glance at the phone for the latest notification or some other distraction.

Side note: Unfortunately, I’ve noticed that there aren’t enough parents getting in the pool. I have kind of been amazed at how many parents sit and watch me entertain their kids.

Anyway, it’s not just a place those of us with young kids. The water can be energizing and the buoyancy may be just what your overworked body needs. No matter how old you are, getting in the pool and swimming (or maybe just bobbing) may be exactly what you need to get refocused and refreshed.

2) More balance, less integration

I wrote about discovering boundaries a couple of months back. But the insight here is specifically focused during a time that you are supposed to be unplugged. We continue to embrace the shift from a work-life balance mindset to one of work-life integration now that we are connected 24/7. We can take calls, do tasks quickly on our smartphones, and then jump back right back into our personal time.

However, I’m starting to feel the work-life integration concept is a one-way street. There isn’t a lot of life integrating with work, but a whole lot of work integrating with life. Have you ever gone on a trip or even played a simple round of golf with someone that has one foot in the work door? It can be pretty annoying and they are usually the only one that feels it is going just fine.

Those of you that travel every week probably love having WiFi on the plane these days, but are you reading fewer books? It seems like we are so focused at the airport searching for an outlet in order to have the privilege to sprawl out on the floor and charge our devices. Rather, think about the freedom in just reflecting on the trip, the people, the sites, the food, and the cultural experiences.

3) Let the Priorities Surface

The best part of prolonged downtime is that the important things tend to take shape and the real priorities begin to surface. Getting out of the grind and breaking daily routines, allows us to tap into aspirations, dreams, and other realities that we pushed to the back of our minds.

We need to allow time for our thoughts to breathe and that can’t happen if you get tied up in some email or spend 20 minutes doing a task that you honestly thought could be done in 2 minutes. (and then do it again and again).

Giving yourself that important space allows you to discover the top 20% of the things you should care about that give you the most joy, fulfillment, purpose, <insert your favorite adjective (or adverb) here>.

It also reminds me of the questions that a buddy of mine used to ask me when I was overworked and overwhelmed when we were supposed to be having fun. “What are you going to remember a year from now? This experience or that one work task you got done?”

Side note: Be careful with this question, it can be used to justify many actions. Another side note: You never remember the work task a year later.

So, the summer isn’t over yet. I hope you can find some time to totally unplug before the busy fall season is upon us with back-to-school activities, fantasy football, and shorter days.

Hanging out with the family at the top of Vail Mountain. Unplugged and happy!

18 lessons from 18 years of marriage

Katie and I celebrated our 18th wedding anniversary last weekend and have been together for over 22 years. She’s awesome.

Our wedding day was a memorable one, especially for our Denver sports family, as the Colorado Avalanche won game 7 of the Stanley Cup Final about 300 yards away from the reception.

Earlier this week, a coworker asked if I had any insights or secrets to a long marriage. Well, since I mix pods, I rattled a few of the first things that came to mind.

So after having some more time to think about it, I thought I would share 18 lessons that I think have played a role in our marriage.

Disclaimer: I didn’t collaborate with Katie before posting this, so she’ll either be pleasantly surprised by my spontaneity, or I may have to append a lesson #19, check with your wife before posting 18 lessons from your marriage on the internet!

18 lessons that I learned from 18 years of marriage

Have things you do together, have things you do on your own
There are different stages of life you’ll go through together, embrace it
Don’t go to bed mad (this is one of Katie’s rules)
Embrace the in-laws (I married a whole family (and extended family))
Never take her perfect last bite (also known as the Katie bite)
Things work out better when you set expectations
Show gratitude
Balancing roles of mom, spouse, friend, career, daughter isn’t easy
Don’t always say the first thing that pops in your mind 🙂
Have mutual friends, have your own friends
Celebrate wins
Deliberately grow together
Buy an ear and nose hair trimmer
Go all in to support whatever it is she is passionate about
Work hard at staying engaged and being a good dad
Have a sense of humor and be able to laugh at yourself
Share your goals and dreams with each other
Go for long walks

But the key insight that I want you to take away from this blog is not the 18 things that I listed above, but to think about your own 1,2, 18, or 50 things that you learned from the relationship with your partner.

We were able to catch an Avalanche playoff game this year at the Pepsi Center. The last time they won the Cup was the evening that we tied the knot.

Is it time for a road trip?

The past 4 weeks have been incredibly busy and I have been mixing in another pod, my altMBA cohort. Saturday is reflection day.

This weekend we took a little road trip up to Glenwood Springs to watch the high school musical production of Mamma Mia! We were there to support my sister Lisa, who puts her heart in soul into engaging with her students. We were definitely due for a family trip and my parents joined us for the 4-hour car ride.

For me, road trips are less about rest and relaxation and more about connection, presence, and reflection.

Long car rides allow us the time to connect with others about things on our mind, as well as, provide an opportunity to dive a bit deeper. It also gives us time to listen without distractions (of course while focusing on the road). The good news is that the other person can’t run away from the difficult ones. Their verbal and non-verbal queues (like turning up the radio) let you know if they are into it or not. Katie and I have talked over a lot of our dreams, goals, and our futures together on the highway.

Our girls Maggie and Addie can’t get enough traveling and it doesn’t matter where we are going. They love the snacks in the car, the occasional stops, and of course the hotels (especially if there is a pool). These trips provide an excellent opportunity to be present and focused on experiencing an adventure together. Getting all of us out of daily routines and focusing on each other. I’m starting to realize PTO doesn’t stand for Paid Time Off, but Present Time On. This is where those boundaries become so damn important.

I also use road trips as a time to reflect and give extra thought to those ideas that have been incubating and just need a little bit more of my attention. Not in a to-do list sort of way, but in a way that allows my mind to wander the outskirts of the idea. I surround it with other thoughts that act as catalysts. The open road provides a reminder of this vast world and an opportunity to be grateful for so much in our lives.

So if you are going through a major change in your life or just need some time to reset, maybe a road trip is what you need to get your mojo back. Or maybe you just need some time to be present with others or even just some space by traveling alone. There is so much for you to explore outside and in the inside!

*Maggie and Addie LOVE their road trips. I hope to see this picture 20, 30, and 40 years from now!*

And the award goes too…

The Academy Awards are tonight and it will complete the awards season for all of the music and movies releases last year. I honestly don’t really watch the awards shows. I can’t put my finger on it, but it all sort of bothers me and I think that discomfort is what generated this week’s insight.

So, I thought I would hand out Mixing Pods awards of my own (the Tony awards are already taken).

Best Supporting Family Member

To my wife Katie. She is an incredible mom, sister, daughter, niece, friend, coach, and of course wife. She is beautiful inside and out and is truly the soul of our family. She has been so supportive of my goals and interests (and allows me to put stuff out on this blog), and the ability to explore new opportunities. She has great vision, a sense of adventure, and is a comedian at heart.

Best Kiss

This year the award goes to Addie, who discovered mistletoe over the holidays. Taking this 2-year old under the mistletoe triggered the most wonderful giggles and then she would lay one on you. She is so affectionate that it makes your heart melt.

Addie snuggles are the best and her mistletoe kisses are amazing

Best Musical Number

After dinner family dance parties. Addie is was a big fan of ‘Baby Shark’ and ‘Let it Go’, while Maggie shows off her moves to ’24 Karat Magic’ (family friendly mix) and ‘Happy’. Based on the repeat requests shouted at Alexa, I think we probably overloaded Amazon’s algorithms and skewed the popularity of these songs. I hope we can keep these jam sessions going as the girls get older.

Best Late Night Comedy

Right about the time we are settling things down for bed, Maggie gets into a goofball zone and this 4-year old says the funniest things. She ends up pulling in dad and her little sister, which mom doesn’t appreciate very much. After the shenanigans, we usually settle in for a Midnight Feast (Maggie’s phrase for a late night snack), which usually involves a bowl of cereal with two girls and a dad. We are always way past bedtime!

Got to do it now before they get too big!

Best Mentoring Moment

My boss and friend Brian. At the end of last year, I was taking a hard look at my career plan. I had just let some of my thoughts flow freely into our performance management tool. The next day, I had a recurring weekly meeting on my calendar to explore my career. It wasn’t to talk about the client account or how to grow our business, just about me. Brian showed he was truly invested in my future success and a lesson that I plan to pass on to others.

Best Rescue Drama

This was probably the Westminster Fire Department when they had to come out and get our dog Buford out of the icy pond when he went after the geese. They operated quickly and had him out in no time. (Also, thank you to the Police Department for not giving me a ticket!)

Best Comeback

I think this one goes to my friend Derrick, who was at a crossroads a couple of years ago in life. He chose to be honest with himself, get things on track, and chose to forge a path forward. It’s been great to be a part of and witness the transformation. There is great power in someone that can do this sucessfully.

Creative Inspiration

Our friend Candace is in full tilt creativity mode around a new calling to spread joy and explore her art. We use our time in traffic to connect about life, ask meaningful questions, and help the other person grow.

The Cast and Crew.

The most important award and that is why it is last (like Best Picture). We are so fortunate to have wonderful and close-knit families. Parents that support us and love their grandchildren. Aunts that take an active role in life-shaping experiences with the girls. Brothers that are always drumming up adventures. Cousins that make family events feel like family. Friends that might as well just be called family.

The insight from today’s blog is that is the those most deserving of your recognition, attention, and gratitude are those close to you. These are the ones that are shaping your life and the ones you are influencing what happens on this earth more than you may even know sometimes.

Life is good. Take a minute and look across all of your pods and thank those that make a difference for you everyday.