@life – Page 2 – Mixing Pods

“You are not a f***ing squirrel!”

That is what one of my best friends told me over 10 years ago when I was in desperate need of perspective. I was overworked, overwhelmed, and felt like a zombie from a lack of sleep and poor self-care. I was so deep in my own head that I didn’t know how to be present. (I think we call it mindfulness today). He provided the right words at the right time that changed how I approach work and life.

I’ve been thinking back on that time a lot lately and since this is the time of year that I reflect on the past and begin setting goals and plans for the next. I sort of take personal planning and goal setting to the next level (as Katie rolls her eyes) and I can’t believe 2020 is here already.

So for some background on the squirrel, it goes all the way back to 2003. The White Stripes released an album called Elephant, which included a song named Little Acorns. The song starts with a narrator speaking over a piano, telling a story about a girl named Janet that was overwhelmed by multiple problems in her life. One day, she saw a squirrel gathering acorns for the winter and it inspired her. If that squirrel can take care of itself for the winter by gathering acorns one at a time, so could she by attacking her problems one at a time. The song then gets jamming with a guitar riff and eventually includes the line “be like the squirrel, girl!”

A few years later, I was on a large post-merger integration project and was traveling every week. I was in a stretch role and I was super stressed. This wasn’t unusual for me, I tended to be quite uptight early in my career as I thought it was my responsibility to get engaged and solve every challenge that surfaced. But during this time, the stress really got to me and it impacted how I showed up in all aspects of my life. My anxiety was through the roof and I was had gotten into a serious funk. I wore it 24/7. Katie was supportive and helped me seek out professional help.

Katie doesn’t always share my taste in music, but she sent me a quick text one day. It read, “be like the…” and then she attached a picture of a squirrel. I thought it was great and I made the squirrel photo my phone wallpaper to keep as a reminder.

**Be like the squirrel (or don’t!)**

Photo By Cephas – Own work, CC BY-SA 3.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=9645363

A few weeks later, one of my best friends, Austin, took me out to a movie to try and get me to laugh and just be a bit goofy (I think we went to Dukes of Hazard). Austin was dealing with his own stuff and although our problems weren’t the same, he understood the complexity of mental health.

I had taken my phone from my pocket in the lobby to check a text. Austin looked over and asked why I had a squirrel as my wallpaper? I told him the story and we went watch the movie.

Three days later, Austin called me up and said, “Dude, you know that I love Katie, (he has known her since we met in 1997), but you are not a f***ing squirrel!” He paused (for effect to ensure it stuck) and then continued by saying that ever since he had met me (we had known each other since the 5th grade and became very close in high school), that I was never a squirrel. That I always had a lot on my plate and that I needed to have a lot going on. There wasn’t a reason to be like the squirrel, it’s not how I was wired. He was telling me that this wasn’t a time to survive, it was a time to thrive!

His words had an immediate impact and my mind quickly went through a paradigm shift. I remember feeling the tension release in my shoulders and I stopped clenching my jaw. The pressure valve had released.

I began ’embracing the chaos’. I accepted that there were a lot of balls in the air rather than freaking out about which one was going to fall to the ground first. I felt more comfortable navigating ‘everything is a priority’ environments by stepping back by doing my best on what I can control and accepting the rest.

The conversation provided significant insight into a mindset that I have been applying in the years since. It keeps me engaged today as I balance the demands of family, fatherhood, work, and volunteering. There are definitely puts and takes, but I can definitely feel the difference when I am playing offense instead of defense. (I couldn’t resist a sports analogy).

Anyway, I still love jamming out to the song (give it a listen here). Sure it helps me keep perspective, but mainly because it brings back the memories of a caring wife and a best friend.

Willy Wonka and Insights Way Beyond the Chocolate

So we have been watching a lot of Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory in our house this year (The 1971 Gene Wilder Version). I didn’t think the old movie would hold the attention of a 2 and 4-year-old girls, but they loved it.

There are so many narratives in the story that are just as true today as they were over 50 years ago when Roald Dahl wrote Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

When I initially thought about writing this post, I was thinking about highlighting Willy Wonka’s true passion, innovation, and charisma. Asking you what would it look like if you could create and run your own dream world? How would you operate without the influence, rules, and norms that we put on ourselves?

I thought that it would be fun to highlight Willy Wonka’s cynicism and how he designed a process to slowly eliminate potential heirs to his chocolate factory by exposing how their misguided behaviors. The same behaviors that parents struggle with today, such as obesity, too much TV, spoiling with our kids with material items. (Of course, the Oompa Loompas are very clear in their songs that you can blame the “MOTHER & THE FATHER”.) The whole thing was designed to find a kid with a heart as pure as chocolate.

I wanted to write from the perspective of literally putting on Willy Wonka’s hat and exploring his world view.

Addie wanted to be Veruca Salt for Halloween because she has the singing parts in the movie. However, I was encouraged the other day when she had second thoughts because Veruca was mean.

But then yesterday, I spent the whole day with my Leadership Denver cohort diving deep into the poverty being experienced in our city today. It is clear that just like 50 years ago, we have kids like Charlie Bucket trying to live on cabbage water.

And just like Charlie, these kids have dreams (and so do their parents). They are searching for their Golden Tickets. But just like in the movie, it feels like there are so many more kids than tickets.

I also learned that going in and out of poverty in the United States is an ongoing journey that many people face throughout their lifetime. That drug addiction, sudden loss of income, and major health issues can quickly take someone (anyone) into poverty. We like to talk about it happening to ‘them’, but it is really an issue of ‘us’.

I have classmates that probably think that I still don’t get it. That in a way, I am still one of those spoiled kids that don’t know what it is like to be Charlie (or a non-white version of Charlie). Well, they are probably right! I’ve been thinking all week about how grateful I am for my grandparents and parents navigating their mobility from poverty into the middle class and beyond. That through hard work and opportunity, that they found their version of Golden Tickets.

So honestly, it feels like I may have a few more questions than insights:

What Golden Tickets do I have to offer?
What am I going to do to move the needle for more kids like Charlie?
How do I raise girls pure in heart and not act like Veruca Salt or Mike TV?
What does my ideal factory look like?
What do I want my legacy to be?

The movie ends with Charlie, Grandpa Joe, and Willy Wonka soaring above Nördlingen Germany in the Wonka-Vader (I believe in the book it is the Great Glass Elevator). We don’t know what Charlie did with Chocolate Factory after he inherited it. We don’t know if he took this great gift and made it something even better.

But I definitely have something churning like chocolate in my brain and in my heart. Right now, it feels like I’m on an expedition to discover purpose by building upon the great opportunities that I have been provided and the relationships that I have built. To find a way to make a bigger contribution and to have a greater impact.

Come on guys, we are better than this!

Guys, I’m noticing a trend in men’s restrooms. It’s our inability to take a single second to properly throw away a paper towel after drying off our hands. This is no longer just a thing at the stadium during sporting events, but it’s in the workplace, at restaurants, and men’s restrooms everywhere.

I have some theories on the root causes:

A fear that there is something lurking in the trash can, prohibiting someone from properly pushing down the other paper towels to make room for their own.
A missed hook shot from someone that used the paper towel to open the door when leaving the bathroom.
Afraid that the paper towel will self-destruct if they take it with them and throw it away somewhere else.
The thrill of being mischievous since no one is looking and there are no cameras in a bathroom.
Just not giving a poop! (lol… kind of ironic though)

Well, there is a bit of good news. At least these guys are washing their hands.

So you may be wondering why I am bringing this up and why does it matter?

I’m a firm believer in the broken windows theory. Paraphrasing, the theory states that visible signs of crime create an environment that encourages further crime and disorder, including serious crimes. And that policing minor crimes helps create an atmosphere of order and lawfulness, thereby preventing more serious crimes. Basically, fixing visible broken windows in a neighborhood helps to prevent other crimes.

I find myself now feeling like Jani-Tony, cleaning up men’s restrooms wherever I go. At first, it was annoying and sometimes weird. However, I started to realize that my initial instinct was to pick up the trash anyway. I would then quickly rationalize the thought away since the trash was not mine. I have just started picking it up, not caring who did it and putting it in the trash can. I feel better and I bet that the next person that comes in the bathroom will properly dispose of the paper towel vs. adding to the mess.

We applied this when I was on the alumni housing board for my college fraternity. When we made minor, yet very visible repairs or enhancements on our 75- year-old fraternity house, it translated into pride and the members taking much better care of the house.

To bring this closer to home, think about the dishes in the sink at your house. If there is a sink full of dishes, do you just add to the pile and walk away, or do you start doing all the dishes right then and there (even if they aren’t your dishes)?

I don’t want to claim to be a saint. In addition to being a culprit of the bad dish behavior above, my wife Katie likes to remind me of the time I was the designated driver at a training class with two colleagues that had flown in from Singapore. I was at a stoplight and spit out my gum on a grassy median. So I had just proven the point on why there was a chewing gum ban in Singapore, with two people from Singapore in the car! I tried to quickly make an excuse that a bird would use it for a nest. They didn’t buy it and I definitely never did it again.

So if we start with the restrooms, our streets, our parks, our waterways (see the guys in this American Family Insurance commercial featuring JJ Watt cleaning up their river), and communities and our planet will start looking better.

We can do better.
Whether someone is looking or not.
Whether it was ours or not.

So when you’re out walking your dog, hiking a trail, or walking to work, pick up that trash that you see and properly dispose of it (and for the love of god please don’t flick your cigarette butts out of car windows!)

The better our communities look, the better we will treat them.

So… about comfort zones?

I kicked off September on an overnight retreat with over 65 people in the Leadership Denver 2020 program. We are a class with varying backgrounds in business, non-profit, and civic roles across Denver. It’s sponsored by The Denver Metro Chamber Leadership Foundation, with the mission to educate and inspire people who want to make a difference as leaders in their community.

We are just starting to get to know each other and the retreat had it all. A long car ride with a carpool (or in our case, the ‘dad pool’), professional facilitators, small team breakouts, skits, a late night, and a legit ropes course.

I was super excited and those that know me well, know that I absolutely love these type of things. (Maybe I should have gone the camp counselor career path route).

These retreats are designed to push comfort zones.

Meeting new people
Speaking in front of a lot of people
Doing physical challenges
Dancing in front of others
Connecting with strangers
Sharing self-assessment results
Small talk
Not-so-small talk

So in sitting down to post this reflection, I learned that there is a Wikipedia page dedicated to defining the comfort zone, and it is simplified to 3 phycological states.

Comfort Zone
Optimal Performance Zone
Danger Zone

Note: Some of my classmates were talking a lot about the ‘freak out zone’, so I think there may be a fourth ring beyond the danger zone.

Insights and Takeaways

I was in my element, definitely hanging out in the comfort zone and optimal performance zone. However, I learned that not everyone shares my affection for these type of situations (at least at first… or maybe never for others). The first insight for me was that we don’t all have the same comfort zones. It wasn’t about me feeling comfortable, but how do I support others and meet them where they are.

Comfort zones have invisible boundaries. So when we are challenged to get out of our comfort zones, it’s difficult to know where our lines are drawn. We might not even know where our comfort zones begin and end until we are in the middle of an experience. (Although I think it is unanimous that 99% of people are uncomfortable with the ‘close talker’, and need at least an arms-length distance from someone when having a conversation). Anyway, the takeaway for me is to remember that others don’t know your comfort zone boundaries either. So let them know where you are, where you want to be, and then they can help you get there.

This is not on the test (in fact, there is no test). Seth Godin talks a lot about this. We have trained ourselves to want to know the right answers, many times before we even begin. We want to ensure we know the rules of engagement and how we will be measured for success before taking the leap. However, there is no right or wrong way to go through experiential learning. It’s just like life. You have to just be you, evaluate the results, and make adjustments.

Feeling pushed, but not shoved. I use this phrase a lot to describe how I like to be lead in my work life. It was also something that came to mind during the retreat. How do you push someone from their comfort zone into the optimal performance zone, without going to the danger zone (or “getting on the express lane to the freak out zone?”) At work, we talk a lot about how we stretch our employees to help them grow in their careers. We want to push people beyond their comfort zones, but ensure they are ready. Ensure we don’t promote someone too quickly and send them from a comfort zone right into the danger zone. If the person isn’t ready to jump, don’t be the one to shove them off the obstacle. Figure out where they are at and then go from there. When they are ready, they’ll jump.

Comfort zones change but never go away. I’ve mentioned to my friends that in my early 20’s, I honestly thought that life got easier the older that you got. That you figure life out and roll with it. (I know right… I am much wiser now!) Shifting in and out of comfort zones is part of life as we get exposed to new challenges and opportunities. In my career, I struggle with transitioning in and out of individual contributor and leadership positions. At home, as soon as I get comfortable, our daughters are moving into another growth stage and I’m working with Katie to stay mindful and not get overwhelmed. You never grow out of having comfort zones and you face them in all phases of life from childhood into the golden years.

So why do comfort zones matter?

Learning is uncomfortable
Leadership is uncomfortable
Facing challenges is uncomfortable
Letting others help you is uncomfortable
Not having answers is uncomfortable
The unknown is uncomfortable

I’m also learning that even though I may not have trouble speaking in front of a group, not exactly knowing what words I am going to say. Putting these blogs out there on the internet is definitely uncomfortable and stretching my comfort zone. So thanks for reading and I appreciate all of the support.

Dude… am I a complainer?

I was driving down I-25 jamming out to Alt Nation on Sirus XM and the song Complainer, by Cold War Kids came on the radio. I’ve heard it a few times already and enjoy the tune, but this time I let the lyrics sink in a bit.

You say you want to change this world
Well, do you really believe in magic?
But you can only change yourself
Don’t sit around and complain about it
Now you’re out on your own, don’t know where you belong
Don’t sit around and complain about it
You say you want to change this world
Don’t sit around and complain about it
Cold War Kids, Complainer

A number of thoughts entered my mind. Initially on our macro society (It really feels like we have taken complaining to a new level over the past couple of years… It’s so noisy.) But most of all, I started reflecting on some very personal moments. I began asking myself, am I a complainer?

I’ve always thought of myself as a ‘just do it’ person. I have a lot of pride, strive for personal accountability, and try to rally people around me by being positive. But, I can also complain like the best out there, even when I have the best intentions. Lately, I have been much more aware of catching myself complaining (at home and at work) and trying to shift that energy into action.

Complaining is probably one of the most common ways that most of us mix pods. Especially when it comes to complaining about work at home. It is also the most unproductive time we spend in our day. Think about all the time we would get back in our lives if we were not complaining about work (and the amount of time we would save our families because frankly, they aren’t really that interested in our complaints anyway).

So here are 3 insights that I’ve been thinking about lately whenever the song gets in my head. I thought that I would share them to see if it helps us all complain a little less so that we can get on with changing the world.

Identify the PERSONAL source of the complaints

When I find myself complaining, it’s usually because there is something personal at the root of it. Almost every time.

Do I want to improve something?
Do I want to be heard?
Do I want to be included? (maybe I’m feeling left out?)
Do I genuinely want to see change?
Do I want to feel empowered?
Do I want to be inspired?
Do I know the WIFM (What’s in it for me)?
Am I competitive and want to win?
Am I not part of the decision-making process?
Am I taking myself way too seriously?

For so long I’ve struggled with telling myself that it is not personal, it’s just business. Well, then why am I so passionate about things? Why are some of these things so hard to let go? Phil Knight summed it up well in his memoir, Shoe Dog.

“It’s never just business. It never will be. If it ever does become just business, that will mean that business is very bad.”
Phil Knight, Shoe Dog

Once I’m able to identify why something has become so personal, I’m able to shift the mindset from complaining to objectively problem-solving. I start seeing the big picture.

Have empathy, but don’t forget the context

A few years back, my Gallup Strengths Finder had empathy as my #1 strength. I think it was during a time when I was flexing my empathy muscle a lot, but maybe too hard. I was starting to take on every gripe that others had as my own and carried it up to the chain of command. I was trying to model the Tom Hanks character, Captain Miller in the scene in Saving Private Ryan. “That gripes go up, not down”.

I have now learned that you need to be selective about which gripes you are going to take up, and how often. There was a phase in my career when I was trying to influence a change in the organization by just saying things louder and on repeat. I then received some very direct feedback, that “I always tend to frame things in the negative.” Well poop, that wasn’t how I intended to show up. All the behind the scenes cheerleading I did with the team wasn’t recognized by my boss because to him, all I did was bring complaints.

I also didn’t balance all that empathy with everyone involved, including those that I was trying to influence. I didn’t get in tune with the context of the environment or take into consideration the thousands of inputs taking place outside of my perspective.

It’s easy to forget to have empathy for the people that we are trying to influence and change. Whether it’s a boss, a spouse, a co-worker, aging parents, a friend, or sibling. Sometimes we forget to step into their shoes, to understand their goals, risks, and most importantly, their fears. They deserve our empathy as well.

You don’t have to win the conversation, just be clear on what we are solving for

We focus a lot on who is wrong and who is right. But we spend most of our time justifying our actions in order to make ourselves feel better. We want to have the last word to make sure the conversation ends on our terms.

Ohh and by the way, nothing is ever black and white. Big issues are complex, they have a lot at stake, and a ton of considerations. We get so wrapped up in trying to sell our side of the story that we lose sight of basic problem statements. What are we solving for?

If we gave our mind and our mouth a few moments to breath, we would see that we are so busy trying to be right that we are missing an opportunity to listen and get more information. A moment to refocus on the problem that we are trying to solve.

Anyway, I’m sure a few more insights will surface on this one and I hope to catch myself when I get into complainer mode and think about what’s truly behind it. Then shift into a positive and productive mindset to get busy on the steps that make progress on solving the problem.

I’m not totally sure how I can or will change the world, but I do know that I just don’t want to sit around and complain about it!

Addie didn’t know how to articulate it, but she definitely was complaining inside having to pose for this picture.

Mixing pods for a cause!

During the last weekend in June, I joined my company’s team (The Perficient Peddlers) to participate in the Bike MS Colorado event to fundraise for those impacted by Multiple Sclerosis.

While cycling across the roads of northern Colorado for over 150 miles, so many things came to mind. In this blog, I thought I would share some of the insights that I’ve been reflecting on since the ride, while also sharing a bit about the event and MS. (Consider it a personal PSA – Public Service Announcement)

Here is some background information from the MS Society and Bike MS websites.

Multiple sclerosis (MS) is an unpredictable, often disabling disease of the central nervous system that disrupts the flow of information within the brain, and between the brain and body. (Here is a quick video on What is MS – National MS Society)
Bike MS is the largest fundraising bike series in the world. Each year, nearly 75,000 cyclists and more than 6,000 teams ride together to change the world for people with MS.
Bike MS is the fundraising cycling series of the National MS Society and raises more money than any other cycling event for any other cause. To date, Bike MS cyclists, volunteers, and donors have raised more than $1.3 billion to stop MS in its tracks, restore what’s been lost, and end MS forever.

I learned on the ride that the Colorado event is currently the third largest Bike MS event and it happens to start and finish a block from my neighborhood.

For years, I would watch the teams mobilize and gather early on Saturday morning. Energy and excitement run high as the music plays, team names are announced, and they head out on the road and make the trek up to Fort Collins.

Then on Sunday afternoon, the riders come in for the finish. It’s usually a warm afternoon in June and the final incline of the ride is at the corner of our neighborhood. I would get a first-hand look at the grit, tenacity, and varying level of experience (and conditioning) of the riders. Some are smiling, others are not. They are just minutes from the end of their 150+ mile ride.

One of my coworkers coming in for the finish

So it has been on my bucket list to participate in the event and I decided this was the year to join the ride. I am so glad that I did and when I look back on the experience, there are a few insights that come to mind.

It’s supposed to be challenging: These events are built to challenge your mind and body so that you can have an appreciation for those that struggle with diseases like this. My father is dealing with Parkinson’s disease, another progressive nervous system disorder that affects movement and has changed his lifestyle in the past few years. These diseases don’t just impact a person physically, but it impacts the mind and takes a toll on their confidence and overall worldview.

It’s not that hard to unify around the right causes: Diseases like this don’t target political affiliations, corporations, or any other category we tend to put ourselves in. MS impacts people across ages, genders, and ethnicities. This came to mind while riding amongst a diverse group of people wearing all sorts of jerseys representing different companies and organized groups. There were oil and gas companies like Anadarko and Noble Energy peddling next to NREL (National Renewable Energy Laboratory). I also noticed Johns Mansville, Ball Corporation, Left Hand Brewery, Charles Schwab, and Anthem Blue Cross and Blue Shield. It seemed like I was always behind someone that was part of Patty’s Pack, Meatfight.com, or Crank for a Cure. No matter what brands we represented on our backs, there was no doubt about what we were all riding for.

Don’t forget the supporting cast: When you think about events like this, you picture the thousands of cyclists and active participants. However, this was a well-supported ride with volunteers providing food and beverages along the course to ensure us non-elite athletes could make it through. There were volunteers directing traffic, fixing flats, and providing bicycle maintenance at the stops and on the course. Sponsors giving away free goods and it was a well run and organized event and the support was amazing. Those struggling with diseases like this also rely greatly on their supporting cast. The disease impacts the lives of everyone around them.

Mixing pods raises the most money: I was cycling next to co-workers, friends, and strangers. When I made my request for fundraising support, I tapped into each of my pods and that helped me meet the fundraising goal. It wasn’t just a work thing or a personal thing. We are all a part of multiple pods, so don’t be afraid to mix them to get the maximum value in whatever you are doing.

Spend the money on high-quality bike shorts: Fortunately, I learned this lesson before this event. There are some things that it’s ok to go with a cheap alternative. However, bike shorts is not one of them.

Gratitude and Attitude: Most of all, I’m grateful for the ability and capability to participate in events like this. There are a lot of people suffering in this world and just the ability to put on a bike helmet (and those shorts I just mentioned above) is something to be grateful. Something so simple like riding a bike can influence my attitude and perspective on how lucky many of us are. It was a reminder not to take anything for granted.

I’m looking forward to a few more events this summer to support other causes including, Run the Rocks to support the American Lung Association and the Denver Broncos 7K to support the National Sports Center for the Disabled.

Maybe I’ll see you there, or somewhere.

Heading South on Sunday morning across colorful Colorado amongst some people that I don’t know to raise money for the MS Society.

I guess boundaries are important to be productive

I really wasn’t good at coloring between the lines when I was a kid. I don’t know if it was an artistic skill thing or the ability to sit still long enough to focus on the art. Actually, I think it was a little bit of both.

Our girls provided a visual of my struggles at a diner in Glenwood Springs a couple of months ago. Maggie was focused and committed to coloring on the kid’s menu. However, Addie was too busy to sit still and wanted to stir up a little laughter.

While Maggie focused on the coloring, our mischievous Adeline was not to be tamed by a few crayons and a kids menu

Anyway, I’ve been feeling stretched a bit thin and not as focused lately. I think it is a combination of my commitments across multiple pods, my trouble sitting still, along with my serious FOMO issues.

I hear that setting clear boundaries is a good tool to prevent this from happening. However, you have probably picked up that as a guy that writes about mixing pods, I have challenges with boundaries.

My challenge with boundaries begins with a bit of overcommitment. I was on a project once and the lead said, “you would be surprised what we can get done in two weeks”. He was right, we got a ton done and all it took was 12-14 hour days and weekends. Without boundaries and enough time and resources, anything is possible.

I’m also willing to admit that my tendency to overcommit is self-imposed. I mean, saying no is easy, right?

I’m really good at saying no. Well sort of…

“No problem”
“No worries!”
“No, I got it”
“No, don’t worry about it”
“No, I didn’t do it yet, but I will”

I tend to commit to things with a ‘Ceteris Paribus’ mindset. You may remember this Latin phrase, meaning “all other things being equal” or “other things held constant” or “all else unchanged”. (Well, I actually didn’t remember it either. However, the concept always stuck with me, but I had to look up the Latin and I doubt I pronounce it correctly.)

Anyway, it’s the last definition that gets me in the most trouble because nothing in our life ever stays unchanged. So I’ll commit to something with just the lens of that activity, not factoring in my commitments across other areas, many of which are going to experience change, making them even more of a commitment.

So in writing this blog, I thought that someone must have written about this topic before. A quick google search and yep, lots of discussion on boundaries. (No surprise, a lot of posts on Oprah’s site). I came across this business blog by David Taylor. He actually has some pretty decent tips in his blog focused on productivity. (I couldn’t direct you to an Oprah site, my wife Katie would never stop teasing me).

However, the insight that has surfaced for me, is the need to figure out what the boundaries are before I make the initial commitment. To think through my existing commitments across each of the other pods and what I truly have the capacity to do. Otherwise, I’m just going to continue scrambling to follow through on what I said, “no”, to doing in the first place.

This doesn’t come easy to me. My friend Austin reminds me that I am not a squirrel. (Doing one thing at a time).

Checkpoint: How are you doing with your goals and that one word for 2019?

So it’s already March 31st, the last day of the first quarter of the year (dang that went fast!). It’s time for a checkpoint on those goals that we set for the year and how we are doing on that one word for 2019 that we talked about on January 1st.

Commitment. That was my one word for 2019. I also posted a blog in December on why having fun at work would be a top goal in 2019. I’m doing pretty good so far (this blog is still getting posted), and there is always room for more fun.

However, those that know me well (or have picked up on it by reading this blog) know that I am a goal fanatic. I love setting goals, creating sub-goals, grouping goals, prioritizing goals, and talking about goals. I sort of treat personal goals like Wayne Gretzky treated hockey goals.

” You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.”
Wayne Gretzky

My take is that it costs you nothing to set a goal. So why not put a goal out there if it is something you are thinking about achieving. Goals can be dynamic and might change season to season.

So my 2019 word, commitment, has developed into more of a theme that applies to the goals across 4 categories: Family, Work, Community, and Personal. (Commitment to …)

To measure progress, I take a simple color-based approach to see how I am doing and where to refocus my energy. I score myself as either ‘green’, ‘yellow’, ‘red’, and a new label of ‘blue’.

Green = On Track – Making progress and hitting milestones
Yellow = Need to Recommit – Put more energy and focus on it
Red = Way off Track – Totally Refocus or Evaluate if it was the right goal
Blue = Eliminate = The goal it was DOA (Dead on Arrival)

This past week, I listened to Seth Godin’s, The Dip and he talks about ‘strategic quitting’. So for those goals in red, determining if it is worth persevering get through the dip or if it’s a cul-de-sac, and the goal is a dead end. Should that goal that is in red, be turned to blue? It’s a quick read/listen, so I won’t dive too deep into Seth’s book here, but I highly recommend checking it out.

The good news is tomorrow is April 1st. We have an opportunity to start the next quarter off fresh and it’s a perfect time to do an assessment to determine if you had the right goals to start with or not. How are you doing with that one word you set at the beginning of the year?

Take some time to celebrate your successes and ways to keep the momentum in areas where you are on track. Determine if you need to make some minor adjustments or totally refocus in the areas you aren’t makeing progress. Or lastly, the insight from this blog may be evaluating if it is time to ‘quit’ a goal or think through a word that is a better fit.

There is no need to beat yourself up if you are not on track because no matter how awesome you are, even you can’t change the past. And if you never set a goal in the first place, why not start today? You have nothing to lose.

Addie’s version of writing down her goals!

Have you REALLY explored what gives you joy?

So my friend Candace Mau hosts a weekly radio show on Mondays called Everyday Joy. It’s a show dedicated to ‘choosing to live a deliberately joyful life!’ She was out of the country this past week with a few members of her extended family and asked me to guest host the show. I just had to open and close the show, and facilitate a Q&A with a guest. She convinced me, I can do this!

Well, I found out a few minutes before the show was going on the air that the guest I was supposed to interview was not going to make it. So I was going solo on the air (it is streamed live) for ~45 minutes or so to talk about joy.

This was a learning experience in so many ways. First, I learned from the producer that I couldn’t have dead air, so I had to just keep talking (kind of like Dory in Finding Nemo… just keep swimming, just keep swimming). I also learned that it is kind of fun to be unscripted. I think that I struggled the most when I was trying to follow something I had jotted down, rather than just speaking from the heart and letting the words flow.

During the first break, the producer helped me figure out the name of the show, Finding Joy Through Connection. I think that was the real gem that came out of this experience. I don’t know if I could have articulated that before we started. However, by talking out loud what joy is to me, how I get it, how I share it, it all just sort of took shape.

I’ve spent hours talking to Candace about similar topics, but I hadn’t ever sat back and organized my thoughts on what truly gives me joy.

Below are some of the key insights that surfaced for me during the show:

Living a joyful life is a choice worth exploring
Asking yourself questions and letting the answers surface is a beautiful process
There is joy in a simple life
Joy doesn’t have boundaries (Socioeconomic, geography, etc.)
Gratitude and connection can get us through anxious moments
Daily dog walks (or just any outdoor walk) allows us time to recharge, connect, and stay grounded
White space is important for me and my family
Self-depreciation is my fasted path to connection
Of course, my family and girls are great sources of joy, I explored this a few months ago in a blog about the day after Maggie was born.

However, the biggest insight for me that won’t surprise many of you reading this blog, is that mixing pods is a great source of joy for me and this blog is a creative outlet. Mixing together my various personas covers most of the items listed above.

How many of you have taken that amount of time to talk through and discover something like what joy means to you? Maybe it’s time for a long car ride, a long walk, or an hour-long radio show. In fact, I think this could be my new approach to discovering more things for myself in the future. Pick a topic and just riff about it, who knows what will surface.

If you would like to listen to the show, you can catch it here. You can also explore Candace’s show, Everyday Joy here.

Joy in long walks and watching the girls try and chase down the Super Worm Equinox Moon on 3/21/19

Is it time for a road trip?

The past 4 weeks have been incredibly busy and I have been mixing in another pod, my altMBA cohort. Saturday is reflection day.

This weekend we took a little road trip up to Glenwood Springs to watch the high school musical production of Mamma Mia! We were there to support my sister Lisa, who puts her heart in soul into engaging with her students. We were definitely due for a family trip and my parents joined us for the 4-hour car ride.

For me, road trips are less about rest and relaxation and more about connection, presence, and reflection.

Long car rides allow us the time to connect with others about things on our mind, as well as, provide an opportunity to dive a bit deeper. It also gives us time to listen without distractions (of course while focusing on the road). The good news is that the other person can’t run away from the difficult ones. Their verbal and non-verbal queues (like turning up the radio) let you know if they are into it or not. Katie and I have talked over a lot of our dreams, goals, and our futures together on the highway.

Our girls Maggie and Addie can’t get enough traveling and it doesn’t matter where we are going. They love the snacks in the car, the occasional stops, and of course the hotels (especially if there is a pool). These trips provide an excellent opportunity to be present and focused on experiencing an adventure together. Getting all of us out of daily routines and focusing on each other. I’m starting to realize PTO doesn’t stand for Paid Time Off, but Present Time On. This is where those boundaries become so damn important.

I also use road trips as a time to reflect and give extra thought to those ideas that have been incubating and just need a little bit more of my attention. Not in a to-do list sort of way, but in a way that allows my mind to wander the outskirts of the idea. I surround it with other thoughts that act as catalysts. The open road provides a reminder of this vast world and an opportunity to be grateful for so much in our lives.

So if you are going through a major change in your life or just need some time to reset, maybe a road trip is what you need to get your mojo back. Or maybe you just need some time to be present with others or even just some space by traveling alone. There is so much for you to explore outside and in the inside!