Tag: #mixingpods

It’s not just the things in your pantry that are perishable

Six months ago, if I would have asked you what is perishable vs. non-perishable, you probably would have thought back to what you had put in a sack for the local food drive. You may have thought of canned soups, top ramen, and tuna fish.

Then bang! A ‘novel’ virus hits the world and we are finding ourselves in unprecedented modern times and under stay-at-home orders by our Governors. We end up watching more press conferences than we wanted to in a lifetime to understand the latest measures to protect our communities.

So many of us work in industries (and education) based on services, in-person commerce, and human contact. Mothers and fathers are scrambling as their livelihood was turned upside down in a matter of weeks. The grocery store shelves of those non-perishable and affordable items were gobbled up quickly. We hunkered down in fear for the unknown ahead.

It feels like our focus has been on the non-perishable and how are we going to sustain ourselves and our family through this crisis.

At this point, I realize anyone reading this blog already knows this. But what I to highlight, is the shift in perspective to focus on the perishable moments and opportunities right in front of us.

We are extremely fortunate (and very grateful) for the opportunity to work from home. But like many, Katie and I are navigating how to be productive at work and support our young girls.

This past week as the weather warmed up, our 3-year-old daughter Addie couldn’t wait until work was over so we could go out on the swing. I mean, it doesn’t get much simpler in life than sitting on a swing, but the joy she is able to derive out of it is amazing. I also realized that this is was a perishable moment.

Addie taught dad a lesson on taking in some of our perishable moments!

Katie pointed out the other day that this is an amazing amount of time that we are getting with our kids that we wouldn’t have otherwise had together. So now we are consciously trying to practice a bit more savoring of our time together and take in these moments.

So are there any perishable opportunities that you focus on during this time?

  • Be more present with your family?
  • Deepen a connection with anyone?
  • Learn something new?
  • Have that difficult conversation that you have been avoiding?
  • Volunteer to help others in need when you could never find the time before?
  • Can you ask for help?

I know that the last question that I raised above is difficult for many in my circles. There is so much pride at stake. But being vulnerable takes practice, and there isn’t a safer environment than now to give it shot.

Anyway, whether or not you celebrate Easter today, are in the midst of Passover, or it’s just another Sunday. Maybe today is a good time to let yourself feel that gratitude, provide that grace, or just give yourself a break. Most of all, is this an opportunity to deepen the connection with others and be present for the perishable moments in front of you.

P.S. Guys, I did hear from a few women that they were not sure why ex-boyfriends felt like they needed to reach out during this time and didn’t seem amused. So maybe don’t do that.

Maybe you need some heavy metal during these heavy times

So the last few weeks have been very heavy as the whole world reacts to COVID-19. This virus impacts everyone worldwide and it really feels like we still don’t know the long-term consequences. Lives are being changed on a daily basis.

It’s been weighing on a lot of us and for me, it sort of sucked out a lot of energy while scrambling throughout the day to adjust to home quarantines, school cancellations, worrying about family members, and spending way too much time up at night watching the various newscasts.

However, I received some insight during a virtual happy hour yesterday with our Leadership Denver coaching group led by Margie Thirlby. We explored resilience and through an exercise, I discovered that my creativity trait has really been running on empty.

As I continued to reflect last night, I began to feel that it isn’t just creativity that is missing. I’ve stopped working out, I’m not as present as a husband and father that I want to be, and I’ve engaged less with my pods. I’ve been a bit frazzled and dreading the impact this is having on so many people.

So when I woke up early this morning wanting to change my attitude and to get some of that creativity flowing again. I turned on some tunes and started writing this blog. In some circles, I could be considered a Boy Scout and get labeled as a prude (probably deservedly so), but I do love myself some good hard rock music. Most of my tunes are generational and old school, like Metallica, Rage Against the Machine, and artists that were on KBPI in the late ’90s.

I suppose various types of music would work, but here are the reasons why I like to rock out a bit to the heavier stuff.

  • It gets me moving: Beats and riffs that you can’t just sit still and listen to in a chair. I’m usually inspired to go workout, start tackling big projects, get organized or even clean the house (one reason why Katie lets me jam out sometimes).
  • It focuses me on the future: For me, my mind always goes to my future-self rather than dwelling on the past when I jam out to the hard stuff. I think more strategically and begin envisioning what could be. I think this started when I use to run back in high school to make weight for wrestling.
  • It’s rooted in themes of resilience: Although I don’t understand most of the words in the music, I get a sense of resilience and mental toughness through it. For me, it’s usually not the lyrics, but the instrumentals that give me energy.
  • It releases tension: This may seem counter-intuitive, but I think it is a channel to let out my anxiety, anger, and other emotions.

My go-to band during times when I want to manufacture momentum is the band Tool. I was a bit curious about why this morning and I made some interesting observations. I correlated the Tool album release dates with what was going on in my life during that time.

  • Undertow (1993): I was going through puberty. Enough said.
  • Ænima (1996): I was a freshman in college and figuring out the man that I wanted to be. I was active 18-20 hours a day and didn’t sleep much. Heavy Metal helped.
  • Lateralus (2001): This was the time of the dot-com bubble bursting and my first taste of a recession while in the workforce. It was my first experience with friends losing their jobs and dealing with uncertainty. Ohh and then there was 9/11.
  • 10,000 Days (2006): An album that I listened to a ton while working on major projects to stay busy throughout the Financial Crisis of 2007-2008 and beyond. It was a time in my life when I struggled to find resiliency and was initiating the transition from being work-centered to a desire to be more family-centered. It wasn’t until today, that I discovered the album title is referring to roughly the period of time it takes Saturn to orbit around the sun. Tool’s lead singer said this about the origin of the album title:

“That’s the time in your 28th, 29th year when you have presented the opportunity to transform from whatever your hang-ups were before to let the light of knowledge and experience lighten your load, so to speak, and let go of old patterns and embrace a new life,”

Maynard James Keenan ( Source)

I was 29 in 2006. I was definitely enlighted in the years following and going through a transition that definitely didn’t happen overnight. However, the best thing that came out of that period for me has been the insight to see when others are going through it, remembering the way I felt, and offering ways to help.

  • Fear Inoculum (2019): After a long hiatus tool released this album, (about the same amount of time we had a bull market and thriving economy). Not until today, did I know that the definition of inoculum is a substance introduced into the body to create or increase the body’s resistance or immunity to a disease. Prophetic or not, that is about a freaky as Disney quarantining Rapunzel to a tower in the movie ‘Tangled’, set in the Kingdom of Corona.

So if you see a Half-Italian / Half-Lebanese guy running through the neighborhood with headphones on. It’s just me getting some heavy metal in my day to get through these heavy times.

Also, if you need someone to jam out with, let me know and we’ll get through this together. The girls will always be willing to put on a show.

The girls are also discovering the joy of a good jam!

3-42-80… and everything in-between

3-42-80. No, that is not my locker combination. Those are the ages of my youngest daughter, me, and my father. A span of 77 years across 3 generations and right now, I am trying to successfully navigate all of them.

There really isn’t a much better example of mixing pods. Balancing work and life (3 generations of it), while trying to achieve personal and professional goals. I’m striving to be an engaged husband and father, level up in my career, and ensure my parents are getting the support they need. Sometimes it feels like it’s a gravy train of transitions with one leading into the other and I never an opportunity to settle in. I’m starting to see why people gain weight in their 40s (don’t worry, my diet starts tomorrow).

This blog is about sharing insights and there are plenty of those to go around. Although, there are times that I have more questions than insights.

Parenting

Our girls are 3 and 5-years-old. These are super fun ages. Maggie has embraced learning to read, write, and do math in kindergarten. Addie is learning that you have to keep your hands and your lips to yourself in pre-school (no kissing in the playhouse!) It’s amazing to watch them learn so much about our world and remind us that there is nothing cooler than seeing things for the first time.

It also turns on the internal monologue and I start asking myself questions.

  • Am I staying present?
  • What is the right amount of discipline?
  • How do I not wind them up at night before bed? (It just happens)
  • How do we not coddle our kids and allow them to learn by trial and error?
  • Will I make it through ages 13 and 14? (Can’t wait to see those blogs!)
  • How do I ensure we have a lifelong relationship?

I learned from watching the Pixar movie, ‘Inside Out’, that there are core memories and I want to make them good ones. Looking back at some of my favorite core memories as a kid, they weren’t architected, they just happened.

Adulting

Parenting, working, husbanding, friending, mentoring, communitying… It seems like every day is jammed packed. I am so fortunate that Katie is an awesome partner and we continue to grow together, rather than apart as we approach 20 years of marriage. I attribute this to our support of each other across all of our pods. However, that doesn’t mean that I’m not constantly wondering,

  • Am I living up to my role as a husband?
  • Do I have more to contribute to my community?
  • Am I fostering important connections and friendships?
  • Am I living up to my potential professionally?
  • Am I actually being the leader that I desire to be?
  • How could I make a bigger impact?

Every day, it feels like I have to re-learn that time is our most valuable resource. (Yep, even at age 42). I’m grateful for the moments that I use time as an amazing asset. I can also get frustrated by my mismanagement of it, regretting the opportunity costs associated with some of my decisions. Prioritization should be easy… right? As explored in another blog about this time last year, is it over committing or under prioritizing?

Aging

We spend a lot of time and energy preparing for our golden years in the physical and financial sense. But I’ve realized there is a gap in how we prepare for the toll aging takes on our mentality. Giving up some of our most beloved activities like skiing and golfing, to more common daily activities like driving and yard work. We spend decades building up our confidence and ‘being the rock’, which makes it difficult when you can’t do the things that made you, you. My parents did an awesome job planning for their future over the years, but it definitely has me exploring new questions?

  • Am I showing the right amount of empathy?
  • What does this transition look like?
  • Am I ensuring enough time with their grandchildren?
  • Am I doing enough for our own retirement and post-retirement planning?
  • Am I carving out time for my siblings, in-laws, and extended family?
  • Do I really understand how fast time really goes?

I’m not trying to turn this blog into the song, Cat’s in the Cradle by Harry Chapin. However, I’m hoping that just like that song and others like it, it provides space to take stock of our priorities. (I apologize now for that song ringing in your head for the next 12 or so hours)

Ok… So maybe there are a few insights?

When I take a step back and look at 3-42-80, maybe it is a combination to unlocking great insights. Maybe this is where that whole wisdom vs. knowledge thing shows up in life.

  • Being present should never be understated
  • Knowing thyself is a lifelong journey
  • Life is complicated and gray, not black and white
  • If it feels like you are over-analyzing, you probably are
  • Don’t take yourself so seriously
  • Participate and contribute (not someday, today!)
  • Find your crew, tribe, and confidants

Honestly, none of these insights are new and have been shared for ages. It’s the application in our daily lives that makes them real. For me, 3-42-80 means that I can go from teaching ABCs to presenting to corporate executives, to discussing long-term care… all before 10:00 a.m.

It makes me laugh when I look back and thought that life got easier the older you got. Wisdom!

“You are not a f***ing squirrel!”

That is what one of my best friends told me over 10 years ago when I was in desperate need of perspective. I was overworked, overwhelmed, and felt like a zombie from a lack of sleep and poor self-care. I was so deep in my own head that I didn’t know how to be present. (I think we call it mindfulness today). He provided the right words at the right time that changed how I approach work and life.

I’ve been thinking back on that time a lot lately and since this is the time of year that I reflect on the past and begin setting goals and plans for the next. I sort of take personal planning and goal setting to the next level (as Katie rolls her eyes) and I can’t believe 2020 is here already.

So for some background on the squirrel, it goes all the way back to 2003. The White Stripes released an album called Elephant, which included a song named Little Acorns. The song starts with a narrator speaking over a piano, telling a story about a girl named Janet that was overwhelmed by multiple problems in her life. One day, she saw a squirrel gathering acorns for the winter and it inspired her. If that squirrel can take care of itself for the winter by gathering acorns one at a time, so could she by attacking her problems one at a time. The song then gets jamming with a guitar riff and eventually includes the line “be like the squirrel, girl!”

A few years later, I was on a large post-merger integration project and was traveling every week. I was in a stretch role and I was super stressed. This wasn’t unusual for me, I tended to be quite uptight early in my career as I thought it was my responsibility to get engaged and solve every challenge that surfaced. But during this time, the stress really got to me and it impacted how I showed up in all aspects of my life. My anxiety was through the roof and I was had gotten into a serious funk. I wore it 24/7. Katie was supportive and helped me seek out professional help.

Katie doesn’t always share my taste in music, but she sent me a quick text one day. It read, “be like the…” and then she attached a picture of a squirrel. I thought it was great and I made the squirrel photo my phone wallpaper to keep as a reminder.

Be like the squirrel (or don’t!)

Photo By Cephas – Own work, CC BY-SA 3.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=9645363

A few weeks later, one of my best friends, Austin, took me out to a movie to try and get me to laugh and just be a bit goofy (I think we went to Dukes of Hazard). Austin was dealing with his own stuff and although our problems weren’t the same, he understood the complexity of mental health.

I had taken my phone from my pocket in the lobby to check a text. Austin looked over and asked why I had a squirrel as my wallpaper? I told him the story and we went watch the movie.

Three days later, Austin called me up and said, “Dude, you know that I love Katie, (he has known her since we met in 1997), but you are not a f***ing squirrel!” He paused (for effect to ensure it stuck) and then continued by saying that ever since he had met me (we had known each other since the 5th grade and became very close in high school), that I was never a squirrel. That I always had a lot on my plate and that I needed to have a lot going on. There wasn’t a reason to be like the squirrel, it’s not how I was wired. He was telling me that this wasn’t a time to survive, it was a time to thrive!

His words had an immediate impact and my mind quickly went through a paradigm shift. I remember feeling the tension release in my shoulders and I stopped clenching my jaw. The pressure valve had released.

I began ’embracing the chaos’. I accepted that there were a lot of balls in the air rather than freaking out about which one was going to fall to the ground first. I felt more comfortable navigating ‘everything is a priority’ environments by stepping back by doing my best on what I can control and accepting the rest.

The conversation provided significant insight into a mindset that I have been applying in the years since. It keeps me engaged today as I balance the demands of family, fatherhood, work, and volunteering. There are definitely puts and takes, but I can definitely feel the difference when I am playing offense instead of defense. (I couldn’t resist a sports analogy).

Anyway, I still love jamming out to the song (give it a listen here). Sure it helps me keep perspective, but mainly because it brings back the memories of a caring wife and a best friend.

Willy Wonka and Insights Way Beyond the Chocolate

So we have been watching a lot of Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory in our house this year (The 1971 Gene Wilder Version). I didn’t think the old movie would hold the attention of a 2 and 4-year-old girls, but they loved it.

There are so many narratives in the story that are just as true today as they were over 50 years ago when Roald Dahl wrote Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

When I initially thought about writing this post, I was thinking about highlighting Willy Wonka’s true passion, innovation, and charisma. Asking you what would it look like if you could create and run your own dream world? How would you operate without the influence, rules, and norms that we put on ourselves?

I thought that it would be fun to highlight Willy Wonka’s cynicism and how he designed a process to slowly eliminate potential heirs to his chocolate factory by exposing how their misguided behaviors. The same behaviors that parents struggle with today, such as obesity, too much TV, spoiling with our kids with material items. (Of course, the Oompa Loompas are very clear in their songs that you can blame the “MOTHER & THE FATHER”.) The whole thing was designed to find a kid with a heart as pure as chocolate.

I wanted to write from the perspective of literally putting on Willy Wonka’s hat and exploring his world view.

Addie wanted to be Veruca Salt for Halloween because she has the singing parts in the movie. However, I was encouraged the other day when she had second thoughts because Veruca was mean.

But then yesterday, I spent the whole day with my Leadership Denver cohort diving deep into the poverty being experienced in our city today. It is clear that just like 50 years ago, we have kids like Charlie Bucket trying to live on cabbage water.

And just like Charlie, these kids have dreams (and so do their parents). They are searching for their Golden Tickets. But just like in the movie, it feels like there are so many more kids than tickets.

I also learned that going in and out of poverty in the United States is an ongoing journey that many people face throughout their lifetime. That drug addiction, sudden loss of income, and major health issues can quickly take someone (anyone) into poverty. We like to talk about it happening to ‘them’, but it is really an issue of ‘us’.

I have classmates that probably think that I still don’t get it. That in a way, I am still one of those spoiled kids that don’t know what it is like to be Charlie (or a non-white version of Charlie). Well, they are probably right! I’ve been thinking all week about how grateful I am for my grandparents and parents navigating their mobility from poverty into the middle class and beyond. That through hard work and opportunity, that they found their version of Golden Tickets.

So honestly, it feels like I may have a few more questions than insights:

  • What Golden Tickets do I have to offer?
  • What am I going to do to move the needle for more kids like Charlie?
  • How do I raise girls pure in heart and not act like Veruca Salt or Mike TV?
  • What does my ideal factory look like?
  • What do I want my legacy to be?

The movie ends with Charlie, Grandpa Joe, and Willy Wonka soaring above Nördlingen Germany in the Wonka-Vader (I believe in the book it is the Great Glass Elevator). We don’t know what Charlie did with Chocolate Factory after he inherited it. We don’t know if he took this great gift and made it something even better.

But I definitely have something churning like chocolate in my brain and in my heart. Right now, it feels like I’m on an expedition to discover purpose by building upon the great opportunities that I have been provided and the relationships that I have built. To find a way to make a bigger contribution and to have a greater impact.

Come on guys, we are better than this!

Guys, I’m noticing a trend in men’s restrooms. It’s our inability to take a single second to properly throw away a paper towel after drying off our hands. This is no longer just a thing at the stadium during sporting events, but it’s in the workplace, at restaurants, and men’s restrooms everywhere.

I have some theories on the root causes:

  • A fear that there is something lurking in the trash can, prohibiting someone from properly pushing down the other paper towels to make room for their own.
  • A missed hook shot from someone that used the paper towel to open the door when leaving the bathroom.
  • Afraid that the paper towel will self-destruct if they take it with them and throw it away somewhere else.
  • The thrill of being mischievous since no one is looking and there are no cameras in a bathroom.
  • Just not giving a poop! (lol… kind of ironic though)

Well, there is a bit of good news. At least these guys are washing their hands.

So you may be wondering why I am bringing this up and why does it matter?

I’m a firm believer in the broken windows theory. Paraphrasing, the theory states that visible signs of crime create an environment that encourages further crime and disorder, including serious crimes. And that policing minor crimes helps create an atmosphere of order and lawfulness, thereby preventing more serious crimes. Basically, fixing visible broken windows in a neighborhood helps to prevent other crimes.

I find myself now feeling like Jani-Tony, cleaning up men’s restrooms wherever I go. At first, it was annoying and sometimes weird. However, I started to realize that my initial instinct was to pick up the trash anyway. I would then quickly rationalize the thought away since the trash was not mine. I have just started picking it up, not caring who did it and putting it in the trash can. I feel better and I bet that the next person that comes in the bathroom will properly dispose of the paper towel vs. adding to the mess.

We applied this when I was on the alumni housing board for my college fraternity. When we made minor, yet very visible repairs or enhancements on our 75- year-old fraternity house, it translated into pride and the members taking much better care of the house.

To bring this closer to home, think about the dishes in the sink at your house. If there is a sink full of dishes, do you just add to the pile and walk away, or do you start doing all the dishes right then and there (even if they aren’t your dishes)?

I don’t want to claim to be a saint. In addition to being a culprit of the bad dish behavior above, my wife Katie likes to remind me of the time I was the designated driver at a training class with two colleagues that had flown in from Singapore. I was at a stoplight and spit out my gum on a grassy median. So I had just proven the point on why there was a chewing gum ban in Singapore, with two people from Singapore in the car! I tried to quickly make an excuse that a bird would use it for a nest. They didn’t buy it and I definitely never did it again.

So if we start with the restrooms, our streets, our parks, our waterways (see the guys in this American Family Insurance commercial featuring JJ Watt cleaning up their river), and communities and our planet will start looking better.

We can do better.
Whether someone is looking or not.
Whether it was ours or not.

So when you’re out walking your dog, hiking a trail, or walking to work, pick up that trash that you see and properly dispose of it (and for the love of god please don’t flick your cigarette butts out of car windows!)

The better our communities look, the better we will treat them.

Who’s teaching who? Lessons from kindergarten on showing up at work

This is Maggie’s first year in Kindergarten and Addie is attending preschool in the same building. Katie has to be at her own school in the morning and I get the awesome privilege to drop the girls off at school before heading out to work.

This was a bit stressful for me. First of all, I have been work-centered for so many years and tended to prioritize work commitments over everything else. So this is a big paradigm shift for this brain of mine. It’s also quite a commute to my client site from our neighborhood. So I show up later now than I used to, and it still feels a bit awkward. The morning is well underway by the time I get there and I don’t have the time to get settled and organized before all the meetings start for the day. I feel rushed and a little bit disheveled.

Dad’s first day of joint drop off

However, throughout the month of September, I found myself enjoying drop off more and more and owning up to it. I’m focusing less on the hustle and bustle of it all, especially how it is impacting me at work, and just taking it in with the family.

Katie, the girls, and their amazing teachers are demonstrating important lessons and providing insights every morning to help me be at my best. I took a step back and reflected on school drop off duty. I think that I can apply these lessons to help me show up better at work.

Here are a few of the insights I have learned so far:

Be Present and Keep Perspective: It’s not lost on me that there is a short window of time when the girls will want to ride to school singing about ‘who stole the cookie from the cookie jar’ and playing ‘eye spy’. I’m pretty sure that I’ll remember these moments a lot longer than I’ll remember whatever my response to that urgent e-mail will be sitting in my inbox. Today only happens once and it takes effort to keep perspective. Some people figure out what matters most through life-changing events. I just wish it didn’t always have to come from something like that.

Mindset Matters: I notice that the girls have a new attitude every day. They don’t carry things with them from the previous day and are very quick to let things go. They’re excited to learn and have an appreciation for their new school experience on a daily basis. What if I focused less on the everyday grind and more about the opportunity to learn something new? Get to know someone a layer deeper? Choose to bring a positive attitude to the office every morning? (I also can’t wait to read this in 10 years when they are teenagers to see if the paragraph above still resonates. It should, but…)

Waiting for the Pre-K door to open

Pre-plan the Night Before: First of all, this insight has the word ‘plan’ in it, so it clearly the one that Katie implemented, not me. It makes a big difference! Katie gets the girl’s clothes laid out and ready to go (sometimes after a pretty intense negotiation with Maggie on what she is going to wear), which saves us all-time in the morning. I’m also trying to apply this one in the workplace and close out the day with the plan for the next day. It helps me start with the highest priority the next morning. (at least some of the time… see the comment above about the urgent e-mail in the inbox).

Routines Rule: Successful school drop off relies on our morning routine and staying on schedule. We’ve figured out that leaving the house 2 minutes late is the difference from a steady stroll up to the classroom door vs. racing to the door before it is shut behind the teacher. (I still haven’t had to do a late check-in at the office, which is my ultimate measure of success. However, I have forgotten the lunch box and I am very thankful for the hot lunch option.) I’m sure there are more routines that I can implement in my work life to be more productive and help stay on schedule. Lord knows my boss would like that.

You Can Eat Breakfast Too: We ensure the girls have enough time to eat a good breakfast before heading to school. (Full disclosure, this doesn’t go perfectly every morning and yes, we sometimes have the containers in the car or something less desirable like a breakfast bar.) Anyway, for all of these years, why did I think it was ok to head out to work without breakfast? I’m noticing a big difference in how I feel throughout the day when I eat in the morning. A decent breakfast, not like the 430 calories in a grande white chocolate mocha. I went through that phase a few years back… one of those and I wasn’t hungry until 2:00.

How We Greet Each Other: The teachers come outside every morning smiling, with high energy, and are very welcoming. They are keenly aware that how they show up impacts how the kids respond. Of course, they have a ton going on in their own personal and professional lives, but the kids would never know it. They put the anxious ones at ease and get all of them excited for the day. This is why small talk has an important place in the workplace. This is where relationships start and build into a foundation. It’s not only about first impressions, but repeated daily interactions with those you work with the closest. It has me thinking about how I can bring more positivity into how I show up at work? How can I create a better environment for me and my co-workers?

Maggie was welcomed with open arms on her first day of school. She has been excited to go ever since.

Give Yourself a Break: Life is busy and stuff happens. Alarms don’t go off, clothes suddenly don’t fit, breakfast burns, the car is super low on gas, traffic is worse than normal, you spill your coffee on your white shirt, your phone is dead, you forget something, … We all have so much going on and we have a stack of ‘if only’s’. Take 3 breaths, think about something to be grateful for, don’t try and make excuses, and give yourself a break.

Overall, school drop off has been going pretty well. However, check-in with me in a couple of weeks. Katie is out of town for back-to-back conferences, so I’ll be flying solo and I am sure that I’ll learn some new lessons. She is the nucleus of our family and does an incredible job running our household. I’m pretty sure the girls will see the fear in my eyes and step up to help as well.

And this is just Kindergarten!

So… about comfort zones?

I kicked off September on an overnight retreat with over 65 people in the Leadership Denver 2020 program. We are a class with varying backgrounds in business, non-profit, and civic roles across Denver. It’s sponsored by The Denver Metro Chamber Leadership Foundation, with the mission to educate and inspire people who want to make a difference as leaders in their community.

We are just starting to get to know each other and the retreat had it all.  A long car ride with a carpool (or in our case, the ‘dad pool’), professional facilitators, small team breakouts, skits, a late night, and a legit ropes course.

I was super excited and those that know me well, know that I absolutely love these type of things. (Maybe I should have gone the camp counselor career path route).

These retreats are designed to push comfort zones.

  • Meeting new people
  • Speaking in front of a lot of people
  • Doing physical challenges
  • Dancing in front of others
  • Connecting with strangers
  • Sharing self-assessment results
  • Small talk
  • Not-so-small talk

So in sitting down to post this reflection, I learned that there is a Wikipedia page dedicated to defining the comfort zone, and it is simplified to 3 phycological states.


  1. Comfort Zone
  2. Optimal Performance Zone
  3. Danger Zone

Note: Some of my classmates were talking a lot about the ‘freak out zone’, so I think there may be a fourth ring beyond the danger zone.

Insights and Takeaways

I was in my element, definitely hanging out in the comfort zone and optimal performance zone. However, I learned that not everyone shares my affection for these type of situations (at least at first… or maybe never for others). The first insight for me was that we don’t all have the same comfort zones. It wasn’t about me feeling comfortable, but how do I support others and meet them where they are.

Comfort zones have invisible boundaries. So when we are challenged to get out of our comfort zones, it’s difficult to know where our lines are drawn. We might not even know where our comfort zones begin and end until we are in the middle of an experience. (Although I think it is unanimous that 99% of people are uncomfortable with the ‘close talker’, and need at least an arms-length distance from someone when having a conversation). Anyway, the takeaway for me is to remember that others don’t know your comfort zone boundaries either. So let them know where you are, where you want to be, and then they can help you get there.

This is not on the test (in fact, there is no test). Seth Godin talks a lot about this. We have trained ourselves to want to know the right answers, many times before we even begin. We want to ensure we know the rules of engagement and how we will be measured for success before taking the leap. However, there is no right or wrong way to go through experiential learning. It’s just like life. You have to just be you, evaluate the results, and make adjustments.

Feeling pushed, but not shoved. I use this phrase a lot to describe how I like to be lead in my work life. It was also something that came to mind during the retreat. How do you push someone from their comfort zone into the optimal performance zone, without going to the danger zone (or “getting on the express lane to the freak out zone?”) At work, we talk a lot about how we stretch our employees to help them grow in their careers. We want to push people beyond their comfort zones, but ensure they are ready. Ensure we don’t promote someone too quickly and send them from a comfort zone right into the danger zone. If the person isn’t ready to jump, don’t be the one to shove them off the obstacle. Figure out where they are at and then go from there. When they are ready, they’ll jump.

A classmate making the leap!

Comfort zones change but never go away. I’ve mentioned to my friends that in my early 20’s, I honestly thought that life got easier the older that you got. That you figure life out and roll with it. (I know right… I am much wiser now!) Shifting in and out of comfort zones is part of life as we get exposed to new challenges and opportunities. In my career, I struggle with transitioning in and out of individual contributor and leadership positions. At home, as soon as I get comfortable, our daughters are moving into another growth stage and I’m working with Katie to stay mindful and not get overwhelmed. You never grow out of having comfort zones and you face them in all phases of life from childhood into the golden years.

So why do comfort zones matter?

  • Learning is uncomfortable
  • Leadership is uncomfortable
  • Facing challenges is uncomfortable
  • Letting others help you is uncomfortable
  • Not having answers is uncomfortable
  • The unknown is uncomfortable

I’m also learning that even though I may not have trouble speaking in front of a group, not exactly knowing what words I am going to say. Putting these blogs out there on the internet is definitely uncomfortable and stretching my comfort zone. So thanks for reading and I appreciate all of the support.

Dude… am I a complainer?

I was driving down I-25 jamming out to Alt Nation on Sirus XM and the song Complainer, by Cold War Kids came on the radio. I’ve heard it a few times already and enjoy the tune, but this time I let the lyrics sink in a bit.

You say you want to change this world
Well, do you really believe in magic?
But you can only change yourself
Don’t sit around and complain about it

Now you’re out on your own, don’t know where you belong
Don’t sit around and complain about it
You say you want to change this world
Don’t sit around and complain about it

Cold War Kids, Complainer

A number of thoughts entered my mind. Initially on our macro society (It really feels like we have taken complaining to a new level over the past couple of years… It’s so noisy.) But most of all, I started reflecting on some very personal moments. I began asking myself, am I a complainer?

I’ve always thought of myself as a ‘just do it’ person. I have a lot of pride, strive for personal accountability, and try to rally people around me by being positive. But, I can also complain like the best out there, even when I have the best intentions. Lately, I have been much more aware of catching myself complaining (at home and at work) and trying to shift that energy into action.

Complaining is probably one of the most common ways that most of us mix pods. Especially when it comes to complaining about work at home. It is also the most unproductive time we spend in our day. Think about all the time we would get back in our lives if we were not complaining about work (and the amount of time we would save our families because frankly, they aren’t really that interested in our complaints anyway).

So here are 3 insights that I’ve been thinking about lately whenever the song gets in my head. I thought that I would share them to see if it helps us all complain a little less so that we can get on with changing the world.

Identify the PERSONAL source of the complaints

When I find myself complaining, it’s usually because there is something personal at the root of it. Almost every time.

  • Do I want to improve something?
  • Do I want to be heard?
  • Do I want to be included? (maybe I’m feeling left out?)
  • Do I genuinely want to see change?
  • Do I want to feel empowered?
  • Do I want to be inspired?
  • Do I know the WIFM (What’s in it for me)?
  • Am I competitive and want to win?
  • Am I not part of the decision-making process?
  • Am I taking myself way too seriously?

For so long I’ve struggled with telling myself that it is not personal, it’s just business. Well, then why am I so passionate about things? Why are some of these things so hard to let go? Phil Knight summed it up well in his memoir, Shoe Dog.

“It’s never just business. It never will be. If it ever does become just business, that will mean that business is very bad.”

Phil Knight, Shoe Dog

Once I’m able to identify why something has become so personal, I’m able to shift the mindset from complaining to objectively problem-solving. I start seeing the big picture.

Have empathy, but don’t forget the context

A few years back, my Gallup Strengths Finder had empathy as my #1 strength. I think it was during a time when I was flexing my empathy muscle a lot, but maybe too hard. I was starting to take on every gripe that others had as my own and carried it up to the chain of command. I was trying to model the Tom Hanks character, Captain Miller in the scene in Saving Private Ryan. “That gripes go up, not down”.

I have now learned that you need to be selective about which gripes you are going to take up, and how often. There was a phase in my career when I was trying to influence a change in the organization by just saying things louder and on repeat. I then received some very direct feedback, that “I always tend to frame things in the negative.” Well poop, that wasn’t how I intended to show up. All the behind the scenes cheerleading I did with the team wasn’t recognized by my boss because to him, all I did was bring complaints.

I also didn’t balance all that empathy with everyone involved, including those that I was trying to influence. I didn’t get in tune with the context of the environment or take into consideration the thousands of inputs taking place outside of my perspective.

It’s easy to forget to have empathy for the people that we are trying to influence and change. Whether it’s a boss, a spouse, a co-worker, aging parents, a friend, or sibling. Sometimes we forget to step into their shoes, to understand their goals, risks, and most importantly, their fears. They deserve our empathy as well.

You don’t have to win the conversation, just be clear on what we are solving for

We focus a lot on who is wrong and who is right. But we spend most of our time justifying our actions in order to make ourselves feel better. We want to have the last word to make sure the conversation ends on our terms.

Ohh and by the way, nothing is ever black and white. Big issues are complex, they have a lot at stake, and a ton of considerations. We get so wrapped up in trying to sell our side of the story that we lose sight of basic problem statements. What are we solving for?

If we gave our mind and our mouth a few moments to breath, we would see that we are so busy trying to be right that we are missing an opportunity to listen and get more information. A moment to refocus on the problem that we are trying to solve.

Anyway, I’m sure a few more insights will surface on this one and I hope to catch myself when I get into complainer mode and think about what’s truly behind it. Then shift into a positive and productive mindset to get busy on the steps that make progress on solving the problem.

I’m not totally sure how I can or will change the world, but I do know that I just don’t want to sit around and complain about it!

Addie didn’t know how to articulate it, but she definitely was complaining inside having to pose for this picture.

Celebrating 80 years, gaining insights for the next 40

This past July, we celebrated my dad’s 80th birthday. My mom and siblings organized a big party in the backyard of the home my parents have lived in for almost 50 years. It was great to see such a great turnout of family and friends from across the country and down the street. I got to see folks from all my dad’s pods over the years.

It’s also hard to believe that he has already reached this milestone (and comes with the realization that I’m 42). Our daughter Addie won’t be 3 until this September, so there is nearly a 78-year gap in the birth years across our 3 generations.

The ability to do selfie’s changed in the last 80 years, but the birthday hat is timeless.

It totally blows my mind to think about the amount of change that has occurred during the past 80 years of my father’s lifetime. I have always been fascinated by it, so I thought that I would plot some things out to share some perspective.

Pre-K (Ken)

In the 60 or so years before my dad was born, we had some of the worlds greatest inventions and difficult times. Seriously, only 60 years!

  • 1876 – The telephone (not the one in your pocket)
  • 1878 – The lightbulb
  • 1886 – The automobile
  • 1929 – 1939 – The Great Depression

Over the past 80 years (POST-k)

My dad grew up in the post-WWII era, which saw the country come out of the depression and change the way we live and work.

  • 1939 – The start of WWII
  • 1940 – FM Radio
  • 1950s – TV goes mainstream
  • 1954 – The 4-minute mile
  • 1954 – The Microwave oven
  • 1955-1975 – Vietnam War
  • 1958 – The commercial jet
  • 1961 – First man in space
  • 1962 – Child car seats are introduced
  • 1970 – Introduction of Monday Night Football
  • 1973 – The first cell phone
  • 1974 – The first Rush album
  • 1974 – The barcode
  • 1975 – The concept of global warming is introduced

Then there is the stuff since I was born

  • 1977 – The personal computer
  • 1978 – The Mountain Bike
  • 1979 – The Sony Walkman
  • 1981 – MTV airs
  • 1984 – Van Halen’s 1984 album
  • 1989 – The Worldwide Web
  • 1989 – Nintendo
  • 1991 – End of the Cold War
  • 1998 – International Space Station
  • 2001 – Katie & Tony tied the knot (and Colorado Avalanche won the cup)
  • 2001 – 9/11
  • 2002 – The Bachelor
  • 2004 – Facebook
  • 2005 – Commercialization of GPS
  • 2005 – Amazon Prime
  • 2007 – iPhone launch
  • 2014 – Alexa
  • 2014 – Our Daughter Maggie
  • 2016 – Our Daughter Addie
  • 2018 – Mixing Pods Blog is launched (thanks for reading!)

The insights for the next 40 years.

There is a lot to reflect on after an event like this, some things very personal. But I did want to share some of the insights that I have been pondering.

The only thing constant is change. Apparently, this quote comes from the Greek philosopher Heraclitus of Ephesus, who lived from (535 BC – 475 BC). He must have been a pretty smart dude because he sure did nail it. The pace of technology and change can be scary these days and will only get faster. But look up above, I sure there was fear and angst about using a microwave in your house in 1954 and they thought no one would ever break the 4-minute mile. Music genres have changed, allies and enemies have changed, and the way we view the post-industrial world has changed.

Somethings are timeless. Spending quality time with your family, walking your dog, going for a run (or walk), listening to music. These things will always be available to keep us grounded. Speaking of being grounded, drinking coffee has been around since at least the 16th century. Some of us practice yoga, which has been a thing since 3000 B.C. So in the midst of all this change, make sure to keep some of the timeless classics in your life.

Life is short! and long! It is amazing how fast the days, months, and years seem to go. It’s a daily realization in our house with the kids growing up so fast. But then when you look at a timeline like the one above, you realize how much has happened in your life since the 2nd grade when you were on the swings at the playground, singing Jump and Panama from Van Halen’s 1984 album. (My first tape cassette)

It’s all just mixing pods over time. So in a few weeks, I’m sure that I’ll be walking the dog in the neighborhood, checking fantasy football scores on an iPhone over a wireless network, to see how I am doing with wagers amongst my friends. Kind of like when they launched controlled gambling in Venice Italy in 1638. Some things change, yet stay the same.

Well, I guess it’s time to start planning my mom’s 80th next year!

P.S. I wouldn’t recommend using this blog as a factual reference, these dates came from a number of sources on the internet. Some may be legit, others…